- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I'm happy to hear that your family has come to accept your FI and support your relationship.^^ I'm Canadian (Scottish-German background) living in Korea and engaged to a Korean. His parents were very very anti-me for a long time (previous to that I was a secret). The funny thing is that most of his extended family lives in LA or Australia (of course - they all married Koreans). Anyway, finally when they realized their son was not going to change his opinion, they relented and now are very welcoming! I do think it helped that he is the youngest son and is 38 Korean age. If he were younger or the eldest, they would have put up a much bigger fight. Nevertheless, I don't dwell on that and am just thankful that everything worked out in the end.^^ His 70 year old father is even studying English at a grandfather's class which is super cute!
I'm half Korean (my mom's Korean and my dad's caucasian), so I haven't had to deal with your situation. But I do know that when my mom married my dad 29 years ago, her family was NOT happy with her decision and wanted her to marry a Korean man. I'm glad times are changing to where Korean family's can accept interracial marriage! or I wouldn't be around, haha...
Hmmm, I could've sworn I posted but it disappeared?
Anyways, i'm 1/4, but my mom is 1/2. And let me tell you, hell broke loose when they got married. Dad's mom didn't approve of him marrying someone who wasn't white with blue eyes and blonde hair. She's just nasty like that though and it transgressed to my brother and I unfortunately.
it's weird isn't it that even past 'the millenium' that we have controversy over one of the most common interracial couplings out there in the world.
honestly, i really do feel like that FI and i were "meant to be," because all of my fears have never come to fruition. esp with my dad's stance on marriage being so firm for so many years...
i can't wait to have beautiful mixed babies to add to the diversity in the world! :D
yay happas
But yeah, I know that asian communities tend to be very seclusive about this sort of stuff. My Indian friend has dealt with this significantly (she's marrying a country white boy!) and i have asian friends who have dated outside their rare with very negative feelings about it.
@ejs4y8
yes, for sure, even in our korean-american english speaking church service with 2nd, 3rd generations, you only see a handful of "mixed couples"... i think asians in general are one of those homogenous races...
although, my grandma in korea tells me that i'm cool for marrying my guy! hahahaha *she's into korean dramas and there's a famous actor "daniel henney" (1/2 caucasian, 1/2 asian) who's popularized the idea of bi-racial babies :P
Hey! I am Korean American born in NY raised by very traditional parents. my parents were very strict about who I dated and did not like any of them. Korean, non korean, but when I was serious about husband who is caucasion I was very worried about introducing him to my family, but my family accepted him immediately and he is now a part of my family as if he was korean. I love it.
I'm Korean, born in Seoul and adopted to the US when I was only months old. I grew up in a caucasian family and my FI is caucasian as well. Both my family (obviously) and my FI's family have been very accepting.
However, my FI is from a VERY small town with NO Asians so when I go down there I do get a lot of stares wherever I go!
@patty082810 i completly feel you on the stares wherever you go thing. TOTALLY. just moved to my husband's small town and yes....i am the asian population of 1.
I'm engaged to non-Korean... He is Taiwanese.
I know how you feel missjyc... I was born and raised in Korea until I was 14. When I first came to the states, it was just me and my siblings with a nanny. My dad was still working in Korea and visiting us during vacations. I'll never forget the conversation I had with my dad when he first visited us.
Dad: "So... how's school? it is hard for you since there are no Koreans?"
Me: "Yeah. But it is ok. I'm making lots of friends."
Dad: "Would you date a "white" guy?"
Me: "hmm... why not? if I really like him."
Dad: "Would you consider marrying one?"
Me: "Why not? if I love him"
At my respond, I remember my dad being very upset and angry.
Dad: in summery... "You know, you are here so you can have great future... not to marry a non-Korean guy"
I'm not racist or anything but I think from that moment, I never looked at a non-Asian guy and thought "cute".
Well... after that conversation with my dad... I had two serious guys... both Taiwanese!!! I have nothing against my fellow Korean fellas... BUT I couldn't see myself with one of you ;)
It is sad that my previous bf and current fi couldn't talk to each other. I think that was the saddest for me. There wasn't much of cultural difference but language barrier was a huge factor. Because 'him' asking my dad was the most important thing (without me knowing).
Luckily, when my dad met my current fiance, my dad asked, "when... marry?" before my fiance wanted to ask my dad. I think he gave up on me marrying a Korean guy long time ago... haha... Because they know that if you are happy with your THE ONE, they can't do anything other than being your number one fan and supporter.
@ Youngliz - I just saw your post in the ring thread and now here! Not only are we ring twins, we're also both Korean gals in OC marrying Taiwanese guys. What a funny coincidence!
I'm so glad I found this thread! I'm a 1/2 Korean, 1/2 Caucasian Army brat. When my mom told her family she was marrying an American man they disowned her (early 70s). When she came to the United States she got lots of hatred from my dad's father; he was a stodgy Polish man with very opinionated ways. Over the years though she became his favorite daughter-in-law, and it was amazing to see them both stumbling over their English.
Growing up though, I was always told by my mom never to marry a black man. She was very vocal about that, and I still never understood why because she had many friends who had black husbands. She also wanted me to stay away from Asian men, said they were too controlling, and recommended my ideal man be at least 10 years older than me. Her views were very old-fashioned! Nonetheless, a part of me heeded her advice, and I never dated a black man (or an Asian for that matter). My tastes ran to ordinary white boys, lol. If you grow up with certain prejudices I think it can be hard to forget them, and that's how I justify my mom's irrational viewpoint.
Anyway, I am finally with the love of my life, and he happens to be black (or "pecan" as he calls it). My previous relationships were with white men, but the last one was very abusive. I didn't turn to black men because of that; I simply fell in love with the individual, and his color was not an issue at all for me. I won't lie, my dad & step-mom (who's also Korean) had some major issues in the beginning. But after realizing I am FINALLY happy with a man who is sweet, caring, loving, tender, honest, amazing, thoughtful, supportive, protective.......they came to realize that his color doesn't matter. My mom is in Heaven right now, but I know she would much rather have me with a kind black man than with a mean white man.
I do get lots of looks from the Korean community, and I think it's the same from the black community. Oh well, I love my beautifully mixed family, and the blending of our cultures is amazing (especially combining Korean food with soul food)! Holla!!!
@missjyc: My story is very similar to yours! My dad said the same exact thing your dad said! I've always dated white guys - I don't know why that was, but each time, my dad refused to meet them because they were not Korean. When Mr. Tiny and I became more serious (he is white), I hinted at my dad that we were thinking of marriage. Needless to say, he was upset at first, but I think he's making an effort (they are going golfing this weekend!). But he still asks me, "So, when are you going to find a nice Korean boy?" >:( My mom, on the other hand, is thrilled and approves of Mr. Tiny - so it's been great having at least one parent support the relationship.
I love this post! Being a American born korean i can def sympathize with this story! I was the opposite and dated non koreans until my fiance who is KOREAN! Imagine my mum's happiness ;) I never would have imagined being married to a korean dude but he is the best :) Congrats to you and your fiance and yay for supportive fam.. even if it takes em awhile to come around ;) <3!
I'm Korean. I was born in Korea, but my parents and I immigrated to the States when I was 3 months old. I met my Japanese fiance in college, and when we first started dating, I was very worried that my parents would disapprove because of the whole Korea/Japan history. I was even more worried that my grandparents would flip out because they grew up under Japanese occupation. My parents weren't exactly thrilled but they've gone with the flow and have grown to like my fiance very much. And to my surprise, my grandparents love him! They still remember Japanese from their childhood so my grandparents and my fiance talk in Japanese all the time.
When your family moves to the US they have to accept that you are now American. You are dating an American just like you. My man is from Taiwan. No one seemed to mind. His family set me up with him. Both his cousins are marrying Americans also. No problems have ever came up except for that I cant cook Chinese food. But I know how to order take out
i hadn't realized that this post was kept alive every few months! just wanted to encourage you other bees... there is always a happy ending; when it's with a good man - regardless of skin color!
we just got married this past wknd and my parents couldn't be more in love with their son in law!! :D
I'm so happy with this post and I think we should all start accepting people and choices to love people from all colours of the rainbow!!!
hey y'all,
i just stumbled on this site, and it's great! thanks for all the encouragement and great advice. i'm 1.5 korean-american that came over on the plane during the mid-80's like many others. my parents didn't dictate who i had to marry or date, but i stuck to the unspoken "don't bring anyone home unless he's important" rule and never introduced any of my boyfriends until my FI. i've dated white, asian (non-korean), but ended up engaged to another korean-american. it wasn't the fact that he was korean that sealed the deal but the fact that the man i loved - who made me laugh, and supported me - happened to be a korean. :)
it's a bonus that he can speak the language so my poor grandparents aren't stuck communicated through me. we haven't set a firm date (we have to find the church, venue, etc) but we do have a trip planned to Korean next month to pay our respects to the elders there.
funny enough, our biggest hurdle came out of the fact that he's Korean. his family is fervently Buddhist and I'm catholic. add to that the question of if we're going to do things more "american" or "korean" in terms of the wedding and it's getting more and more complicated. for example - do we have a traditional Korean wedding, or mixed American/Korean cultural wedding, or mixed religious wedding? do we exchange gifts like in Korean (guys gets the house, women fills it AND get expensive gifts for the guy's family) or do we have a more American wedding without the traditional gifts???
it might sound pretty trival compared to different cultures and races, but i never though that inter-religious weddings and inter-generational expectations would make a korean-korean wedding so difficult to plan~~
I'm 1/2 Korean (korean mom, caucasian dad) and my FI is caucasian. My parents had a very hard time getting married, surprisingly my dad's parents were the ones who disapproved, but they didn't care. His parents even tried to stop them getting married by withholding his birth certificate (he was in Korea at the time and had to fly all the way back to the states to get it)! My family has never pressured me to marry a certian race and I'm so glad for that. I think Korean men are attractive, but I could never see myself with one. Marrying the one you love is more important that marrying a certain race.
Great thread. It's funny how alike we can be.
I'm also half Korean-American, and I was raised by a pretty traditional mom. She also gave me the lecture about not dating or marrying anyone that wasn't white or Korean, but I never listened to her because I refused to be so racist. Love without prejudice is what I was determined to live by. You can imagine the shit storm I brought into the home when I fell for a Puerto Rican. In the 7 years we dated and were engaged, she never fully accepted him. We're no longer together...the relationship was a mess without my mom's involvement. I'm now happily engaged to a wonderful man who happens to be caucasian, with his own list of things my mother might never have accepted, as he's deaf and an atheist. She passed away a few years ago but I always wonder.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 52 |
| Brielle | 43 |
| This Time Round | 35 |
| mypinkshoes | 34 |
| his chippymunk | 34 |
| Cady | 32 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 32 |
| TheLionQueen | 31 |
| AshleyR83 | 30 |
| Future Mrs K | 28 |
Sorry, there are no users yet.
i'm a 1.5 generation korean (came here when i was 6, still speak fluently). i grew up with the phrase "date whoever you want, but i'll tell you who you're going to marry" from my 1st generation, broken-english speaking dad.
i've only had three serious relationships, 1 with a korean guy, 1 with a filipino guy, 1 with my FI who is caucasian.
i never brought boyfriends to family functions, it was always kept very "friend" like... until FI, i started bringing him to EVERYTHING, just because i wanted EVERYONE to know about him and us, etc.
long story short, it's been ASTOUNDING and SHOCKING as to how much my parents, brother, extended family have accepted him.
despite the tears and fights (believe me there were many)... my parents really have turned around and accept him for who he is and for all that he means to me :)<3
i guess when it's really THE one, everything does fall into place... all my fears about marrying a "non" korean, have been subsided to my grateful relief :)
what are your personal experiences?