Weddingbee boards

Let me tell you their is no wedding better than a Mexican wedding! For you white people that are reading this go to a Mexican wedding and be prepared for the time of your life! 

Probably the most popular phrase you will hear at a Mexican wedding is guys trying to get the girls attention with this sound..."shhtt...shhtt!!" That is like a sentence in the Mexican Culture!! Translated that literally means, "DAMN, THAT CHICK IS FINE!" But you have to be careful at a Mexican wedding, cause once you see a girl you like, you have to ask yourself..."Shiiit, She looks gooood, I hope she's not related to me!" Because everyone is related to you at the wedding! I have cousins I never met in my life and it seems like every time I go to a wedding I meet a new member of the family! I'll be making out with some chick and then I hear in the background..."That’s your cousin!!!" Ahhhhgggg man!!! THAT SUCKS!!! 

Anyway, first it starts off with the invitations. A Mexican wedding starts to be planned out for about 200 people, but at the end about 5,000 people show up! You could start with one invitation and word of mouth just spreads and spreads!! We pull up to a corner, "Hey Chuy! My cousin Martha is getting married. Follow Me!" Comadres telling comadres, "Did you here that menso is getting married? Yeah, to that putita Martha!" People show up that you never even seen in your life! 

At church the bridesmaids all have a pisst-off look on their face cause they are stuck wearing some fucked up dress that the bride picked. Some black and pink, strapless, floor-length dress, about four sizes to small! First of all, the average Mexican woman is not to skinny, she’s thick. Second, stick that thick Mexican woman in a strapless dress and you got "lonjas" sticking out like crazy! It looks like her skin is running away from her body. And the hole time you can tell that they are thinking, "For my wedding you are going dressed as a fucking leprechaun, bitch!" 

At the reception, in the city community center, there is always that group of "macho" men in tejana hats kicking it right by the beer kegs. That keg gets no rest! It flows and flows all night! And if it runs out...NOT A PROBLEM "El Padrino de Cerveza" will hook up some more! I think we are the only people that have someone in charge of beer listed in our invitations. I wouldn’t be surprised if at the church the father calls up the padrino de cerveza to bless the keg pump for good luck.

The food is always Carnitas or Birria. Nothing else! And we don't get a cater to make the food or serve it! Fuck no, why are you going to pay someone when you can get your grandpa to go to the farm and kill a pig? Once you got that then you can have grandma and your ten tias to cook all fucking night! Of course this causes the meat to be all dry and taste like shit...but we don’t care, cause we still manage to take three to four plates home! There is no way you can go to a Mexican wedding and go home empty handed. If you go home without a plate, then you better make up for it by taking the centerpiece at your table.

But what I love the most is the dollar dance! This is when you get to dance with the bride or the groom for a buck! GREAT DEAL huh! But it's also when the couple has their first official fight as newly weds! Because right after the dollar dance they have that traditional dance together and the bride will be like. "So Carlos, Who tip you the Fifty?? hmmm?? Was it that PUTA GLORiA???!!!!" 

You know I've actually seen on wedding invitations of white couples "please no children." THAT CRACKS ME UP!! DO YOU THINK WE LISTEN TO THAT? Hell no, we take our little beaner kids and they run around all crazy, hiding under the brides dress, picking at the cake, and causing mayhem all over!

Anyway, my point is that if you want to have fun, go to a Mexican wedding. The culture shock is entertaining.