Post # 1
Just a long vent.
From time to time I get a sad feeling because I have never established a DEEP relationship with other people of the same gender. Growing up I had best friends here and there but something or someone (boys) would always get in the way. Either I was the “Im way into my bf” girl or my friend was. Or just many other things that would get in the way like my parents were too strict so I couldnt even go to the mall for some girl time and they would develop a stronger bond with girls that would be able to do things outside of school. & on a diff occasion an amazing friend became too into drugs that I did not want to be around. Point is, female relationships never lasted. Now Im 24 & married. We share some mutual friends and I have a handful of female friends.. but I cant consider any of them a best friend. I just dont feel like I can deeply connect with them and I even sort of feel like we arent too much a like. Our interest and goals differ. I was talking this over with my husband and he says its natural because were married and work full time and dont have all the time in the world to be going out with friends. I have a lot of cousins and we hang out on the weekends and they invite friends and seeing the relationships some girls have just hurts me. Its what ive always wanted.I dont have any sisters so I feel like that totally sucks too =[. & to top it off ALL of my co-workers are older men. I pretty much sit at a computer alone for 9 hours a day.
any tips on how to deal, anyone relate?!
Post # 3
UGH! I am going through the same thing. I never really established relationships with females either. I actually stuggled with coming up with my bridesmaids and ended up choosing my two FSILs, two cousins, and my cousins gf. It is so frustrating, and I get so depressed about it sometimes. HUGS!!!
Post # 4
Yep. My husband and I got married at a city hall so I never had to come up with bridesmaids but if I did it would have also been all cousins.
Post # 5
🙁 That stinks–but just because you haven’t had that bond yet doesn’t mean you never will. You’re only 24, you have a lifetime to find that good friend and I hope you do!
Post # 6
Oh, I can TOTALLY relate! I had a lot of “BFFs” growing up, and they would fizzle because we would just grow apart or get into stupid fights (I’m talking middle school here). I have one really good friend from HS, but I don’t see her much anymore because we live so far apart, so I can’t really call her a “best friend” either.
I’m lucky because I have a sister, and I consider her my best female friend, but we also live pretty far apart (but make a point to arrange visits quite often).
We moved pretty far away from our hometowns to live in the mid-West, and it was tough. We had a REALLY hard time making friends. I work with all men for the most part, and the other girls in the office are definitely the bar-hopping type, which is just so not my thing. My husband works with guys his age, but they don’t quite click.
We have one “set” of couple friends that we really like, and we meet up with them for dinner and other fun things, but yeah, I’m totally lacking that deep relationship with a non-related female.
Post # 7
I’ve always been the type of person to have a few really close friendships, so when three of my four closest friends moved away last year, it was hard! They ended up all moving back (not even kidding) but I’m only close to two of them now. I’ll get coffee occasionally with one of the other girls, but there are only two girls I consider to be close friends. It sometimes makes me feel weird that other people seem to have all these friends, but it makes sense: R and I were together at 14. I still socialized a lot, because we went to different high schools, but a lot of my free time has consistently been spent with him.
I’m really close to other people in my life, though – mostly R’s family. His sister and parents are like family to me. Sometimes I think you just have to take a look at where you’re getting your social interaction. Just because it’s not the traditional place doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
Post # 8
Wow. I could have written your post. I have no sisters, also grew up with strict parents, and constantly feel sad because of a lack of female friendship (and I live in a cubicle from 8-5 every Monday through Friday). In college, I joined a sorority hoping to meet other girls with similar intrests, but it just didn’t work out (apparently girls are just not interested in things that I am and just want to party all the time? In my sorority they were, anyway).
I would suggest taking as many opportunities as you can to go out and meet people, especially if there are female-oriented events. Is there a female professional networking group that has events in your area? Check it out! Do you work out? Join a women’s workout club! The internet is especially great for finding these types of things. I actually found a club locally that I am planning on going to so that I can meet more women. If you meet more females, then there’s a better chance you’ll find someone who you can bond with and share interests with!
Also…I noticed that we both live in the same city! If you’d like, PM me and I can give you some suggestions! I would be totally happy to help out or listen to your vents or whatever! 🙂
Post # 9
Yeah I still have that little bit of hope of meeting someone. Im sure there is someone like me out there looking for me too
Post # 10
I’m the same way. I don’t have any friends that I can consider to be my BEST friends. I’ve always kept myself at an arms distance away for some reason. I could probably further analyze but I won’t. I have a ton of girlfriends, but I wouldn’t confide in them much. I’m moving soon, so maybe I can try again in a new city. There’s always time to find a truly close friend, for me and for you!
Post # 11
aw I’m so sorry! this made me sad 🙁 where do you live, oh darn CA I was gonna say I’ll be your friend.
It’s ok to not have a ton on common with other woman to be a bestie. I have been fortunate to still be super close to girls from high school (HS ended 10 yrs ago for me) and also made great friendships with girls I worked with first job outta college. Like any relationship, friendships take work too to remain close. I have two friends I live a couple hrs away from now, but all week long we have 3 way emails talking about whats going on or even nonsense. I don’t love them bc we have everything in common, I do bc they are great ppl.
Maybe just get out there a little more, do you belong to a gym? the Y? how about looking into taking a class (cooking, knitting, photography)? Take the initiative to strike up a conversation while there, you’ll be pleasently surprised what happens. I’m generally a shy and reserved girl while out and about, but have promised myself to quit being that way. I made friends in a yoga class I use to attend. Or even through Fi’s wifes and such, stike up some convos then it turns into “Hey want to come over for dinner and some wine?” It’s a lot of fun!
Good luck! And you deserve to be happy and have some women in your life, it can be very rewarding, but it’s not going to just happen on it’s own. How can anyone find you if your only at home or work?
Post # 12
I guess the fact that im on facebook and often see pictures of like 5 or more friends just having a blast … i get jealous.. my facebook pictures are all close ups of the husband and I. The husband and I (pic taken by someone else) or with cousins. lol.
Post # 13
Haha I was just talking about this with the boy and I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I feel like that guy from I love you man…….. I’m not really sure why I didn’t make any real lasting friendships, I grew up the only child of a single dad, and I moved in the 6th grade to a really clickish small town school and ended up graduating a year early just to get out of there… I was one of those “friends with everyone” kind of people. I keep up with 2 people that I went to high school with, but more through facebook and when we see each other maybe twice a year. One of them is female, and I would love to ask her to be my MOH or at least a bridesmaid, but I’m worried that she would feel weird because I’m pretty sure she’s got a ton of friends that are a lot closer to her than she is to me. Plus, we’re very different on a lot of things, and while I think she would be a perfect MOH for wedding things I’m worried that any sort of wild activity would kind of … overwhelm her? or make her uncomfortable? Like going out drinking on the bachelorette/bachelor party or even drinking at the reception. We talked about a trip to vegas for a joint bachelor/ette party but I’m not sure she would go for that. Also, I only have one female cousin close in age (2 years younger).. the boy has tons of guy friends, and is having a hard time narrowing it down, he’s got a list of like 8 he’d like to include!
Post # 14
what2bee.. I would go ahead and ask her. You may be surprised. if it came down to it ide prob would have asked some of my husbands friends wives to be in the wedding.
Post # 15
i can totally relate! In junior high and the beginning of high school i was very social.. i was in cheerleading and made fast friends with the girls. Then sophomore year i met my FI and just started spending all my time with him and his friends. I still remained friends with the girls on my squad and had a close best friend that i’d known since 5th grade but as the years went on grew apart.
After college, my mom, my best friend, sister, girl from college (that lives in CA) and a friend from my old work are my only friends. (I talk to the girl in CA maybe once every 3 months and the girl from work maybe 5x a year since we moved out of the area). But i don’t feel very “close” to them. (however, i am very close with my mom & sis)
It sucks. I feel lonely alot and am jealous of women that have a group of 4-5 girls they hang out with and actually ‘talk” to ..not just pleasantries, the weather, etc. Yes my mom and sister are my “girls night” girls but sometimes i’d be nice if i had a group outside of my immediate family. I’m hoping once we move back to the chi-area in the summer i’ll hang out with my best friend and friend from work more often.
I’m hoping to join a yoga or pilates class to meet other girls my age and make friends. 🙂
HUGS… u are not alone in feeling like this!
Post # 16
The whole time I was reading your post I was thinking. “Oh! We can be friends!!”
I’ve had similar feelings since getting married. I’ve learned that I’m a one-relationship-kind-of-gal…I’m not into mediocrity and therefore I go all in or don’t at all. Being married is tricky for me because my husband isn’t my best friend–in fact, if we weren’t married, I don’t think we’d even be friends because he’s just not the kind of friend that I need. Our marriage works well, but it’s rare that I ever “vent” to him because he just can’t handle it (it ends in fights).
Prior to meeting my husband I had the. best. friend. I’ve ever had. She was my reason for waking up in the morning. It was basically like a relationship without any of the sexual things. I needed her and she needed me. Once my husband and I got engaged, she drifted away from me on purpose because she felt like our friendship would suffer if she didn’t. I didn’t get it at the time, but I get it now. It’s so hard to devote yourself to more than one person.
Having said that, I’ve realized that what helps me have meaningful relationships with people since getting married is finding common ground. I have certain hobbies and interests that really make my wheels turn and finding people who have those similar interests (plus who are married/committed really helps, too, cause then I can drag the husband along) really makes for a solid friendship.
I have yet to find someone that I know will be my friend for my lifetime. I change too much and I am pretty selfish when it comes to my time, so sometimes I’m just not a great friend. I think it’s important that you know who you are, what you appreciate about other people, and then really look for those qualities in other people and when you find them, do your best to latch on.
I also don’t think that you have to “hang out” with people to be their friends. Yeah, you get to see them in their element and interact with them, but sometimes just having someone to vent to and talk to on a regular basis is what you need. I have a friend that I adore, but never get to see and our friendship remains solid because we make a point to e-mail one another at least once a month.
So, if you’re looking for a penpal, send me a message! I’d love to know you!!