Post # 1
Im having a pretty rough day,,,my mom called me and I spent an hour crying on the phone. ANyway, Im in a LDR and it sucks big time,,,didnt really know what I was getting myself into.
Our relationship started off with a lot of passion, love understanding and all that good stuff. He would text me all the time, we’d talk for endless hours, we were doing really well. But as soon as the wedding planning started (He HATES weddings and wedding planning) our relationship has took another route. He rarely texts me, and when I text him it takes a while for him to reply,,,he says he’s busy/at work/etc etc, but Im like well those werent a problem before. We still talk at least once a day, usually at night, and I dont mind that our conversations are considerably shorter,,,we both have work/school, but I cant help but feel that the passion has died down. He still says he loves me and says sweet things every now and then, but the flirting has gone down dramatically. I even try to sext him and it fails 😮 I dont feel that he’s meeting my emotional needs right now, I told him several times that I miss the way our relationship was before, told him that he used to be more romantic, but it hasnt really made much of a difference, except that I got an email last week that said “if you didnt already know” and it had a picture that said I <3 u. Anyway, I feel like I need a short break, Im tired of just pushing myself to pretend that all is well during our conversations, and I also dont know how to express my feelings without pointing fingers and using “you” and Im just afraid that Im gonna put him down and push him away. My mom thinks a few days of break is a bad idea, that things are just gonna get bigger in my head if im not talking to him. My mom says he’s stressed because of all the responsibilities especially financial responsibilities and thats what happens when men are stressed. I want to know how to get past this. What do you think? how do I express to him that Im not happy with our communication and the way our relationship is unfolding? What words do I use? I know that youre supposed to use “I” rather than “you”..any other tips?
Post # 3
Why does he hate weddings so much? Has he ever expressed this reason to you? Perhaps that is key. Then, do your best to keep wedding stuff to a minimum around him. Involve him when you absolutely must but at the same token, you shouldn’t fear talking wedding stuff with him.
Is there anything else ailing him? You mentioned finances…what else? Perhaps if you just discuss how you can help his burdens, that release will help him relax more, and in turn, help you as a couple.
Beyond that, put it on the positive. Instead of concentrating the conversation on how negatively things have turned, tell him that you were sad that the romance seemed to have ceased but that it really made a difference receiving the “I <3 u” email (I know, I know, but a little exaggeration never hurt, just say how it touched you so much.) Say that made you really happy. Tell him you hope to return to more of those types of gestures between each other, and that you’ll reciprocate that passion, too.
I wonder if a little playfulness on your part will help? Edit: I see you’re in an LDR. Hmm. When is the next time you can see each other? Maybe treat him to a romantic evening, like you used to share before? Hide yourselves from the rest of the world, put down the wedding magazines, and just have a sweet night together.
Post # 4
LDR are really, really hard, and I can’t imagine how hard planning a wedding while in one must be. When I noticed that my relationship with FI had changed when we talked about wedding planning nonstop. We were just always stressed out. We decided to bottle up all of our wedding planning talk for one night a week – that way we could concentrate on being ourselves without the burden of having to make all of these decisions and plans nonstop.
I would tell him that you need to have a long talk with him. Have a long phone call and just let him know everything, and that you’re stressed and frustrated. Let him know that you know wedding planning is a huge part of it, but you want to make sure that nothing else is going on. Then maybe suggest spending one night a week to quickly go over any wedding planning things that have to happen. Save up all of your thoughts and ideas and questions that are wedding related, write them all down, and then talk about them just once a week at a time you can both mentally prepare for.
Post # 5
Thanks guys..I really appreciate the feedback so far..He just hates weddings because he thinks theyre a waste of money and its all about putting on a show for others. Hes a really simple guy when it comes to everything including the way he dresses and Im the polar opposite I am always dressed up and I really care about the details…he thinks the money we are putting towards a wedding could be put towards starting our lives together etc..anyway Ive made a lot of sacrifices and Ive resorted to talking to his mom and planning things with her since he doesnt like talking about it,,,but I just need to tell him that Im not happy with the fact that I feel neglected
Post # 6
My FI and I are also long distance. I think it’s natural for the conversation (texting, calling, etc) to die down a little bit with time. Love is different at the beginning. You swoon over each other and ignore other people completely. But then reality sets in, you still love them, but you just can’t stop everything to text/call/whatever. I was just talking to my FI about this. Every other week either he or I feels that we’re not getting enough time to talk. We just want to be in the same town already, geez! I don’t think taking a break will be a good thing. But, I think what you can say is… let’s make sure that Thursday we talk for at least an hour! The days in between we can text and call each other like it has been for the past few weeks… but I want one day for ourselves 🙂 That’s what my FI and I do when I get mad about the communication & quality time.
Post # 7
The problem persists. I texted him today at 5pm, no reply, I texted him again at 7pm..again no reply and again at 9…finally he texts me back at 9:45, says he was at this event,,,,Im like,,,youve been there since 5? hes like no, I was driving with my brothers and we were using my fone as a gps….I think thats BS excuse, he coulda texted me once they arrived or w.e He said he’d call me once he gets home,,I told him Ill be busy then..he asked me when Ill be free and I said I dont know why? he said because I missed you voice, I said well when I missed you you wrent there…and I told him Im tired of being ignored 🙁
Post # 8
I have a question….aren’t you guys already married? I recall a previous post of yours about how you already had a wedding ceremony. Is the wedding planning you are talking about a reception?
Post # 9
How long have you been in the relationship? (just curious, and not sure it matters)
I agree with the person who says to keep the wedding chat to a minimum. If he hates it that much, then dont involve him if he doesn’t want to be, just tell him where to be and what to wear LOL… he will be there.
If this is totally out of the ordinary for him, there is probably something else going on. Ask him if something is on his mind? Or if there is anything he wants to talk about. reassure him that you love him but let him know that the lack of communication is bothersome for you.
You don’t have to say “your lack of responses” but you can say “our lack of communication is really bothering me, is there anything bothering you, can I help you with anything?”
just a thought:} (i’ve been married going on 18 years, i’m planning my VR on our 20th anniversary and this is how I have to approach my husband… so I thought I would just share my own experience)
Post # 10
@Treasure43: yeah we are married but living apart, and the reception is still a “wedding reception” ..anyway thats aside from the point
@Ronneykay: Thanks for the suggestion..we havent been together for very long,,and Ive been making an effort to keep the planning talk to a minimum.. congrats on being married for that long! thats amazing
Post # 11
@alaiyo: Thanks for the clarification! Maybe when you see him next have a “no wedding” date where you go out together and don’t talk about the wedding at all. DH and I did this when the planning got to be too much and we felt like that was all we were talking about!
Perhaps the pressure of planning the wedding reception and being in a long distance marriage are causing him to withdraw a bit? Just a thought! Or maybe he isn’t as into this wedding reception as you are because you guys are already married? Again, I don’t know him or you or your relationship so I’m just throwing things out there to consider. I think there is something else going on with him, so asking him what’s going on is a good first step. I’d talk with him and as another poster said, let him know that the lack of communication in the relationship is bothering you. That way he doesn’t feel it’s all about him and knows this is something you want to work on together.
If you haven’t already, I think pointing out the little things he does that mean so much to you is a GREAT idea! That way he knows what makes you happy and he can feel good about how much it means to you.
Post # 12
@Treasure43: Thanks Treasure43..Ive been trying to avoid wedding talk lately,,,we’ve just been talking about invitations since they need to go out. The distance sucks for both of us but yeah he is withdrawing and that bothers me even more.. We talked last night and I told him I was upset etc, and he was being sweet and all tryna cheer me up, but I just have to see if he makes any changes