Post # 1
I posted last week about my abnormally low amount of RSVPs and it would seem that has held true.
We are missing 38 RSVPs, which accounts for 91 Guests and the due-date has now past.
To top this off, we’ve recieved a lot more NO responses than anticipated. We invited 265 guests with the hope of getting 200 Yes responses. But so far this is our breakdown:
Not Responded: 91
Not Attending: 57
I’m actually really devestated by the fact that my FI has family coming from Lebanon, USA, Australia and United Arab Emirates and they’re excited and RSVPing YES, where as my family who is MAX 4 hours away (Spanning from Toronto to Windsor, wedding in Toronto) are RSVPing NO. I feel so rejected, they’re not even giving me good reasons, if they’re giving them at all.
The worst part about it is that my family recieved the STD a year ago, and most of his family did not since we had no addresses yet, but STILL its mine thats saying no.
I’ve had to fight back on crying over this several times and theres times I’m really not successful.
Our venue has a 200 person minimum, and we’re NOT going to hit it, which means more $$ wasted, LITERALLY.
I have to call our co-ordinator at the Venue today to ask IF we can tell them in advance we only have 160-180 showing up, can we split the cost of the remaining 20-40 guests, still giving them whatever they were expecting as profit, and taking the cost of the food/drink/servers off of it? FI is stubborn in that if they say no, we’re to tell them there are 200 people so they have to waste the $ on the food and staff.
I’m aware our hall is going to look empty now though… it seats 300 with dance floor.
Post # 3
@Elky: I’m sorry for you:( Is it possible to contact some of these people and get their responses? 117 is still enough people to fill your space and have a great party!!! as far as the money, can you add items to the menu or decor to fill that gap? Don’t be sad! you’re marrying your man and at the end of the day that’s all that matters. Right?
Post # 4
I would make phone calls for those non responders! Even if you don’t have their cell numbers, some people still have landlines that you can look up in the White/Yellow pages!
Post # 5
@Birdi: See below for contact.
The money part… we’ve signed a contract stating we will have 200 people minimum. AKA we will write them a cheque for at least $20,000 If I tried to “fill the gap” I’d really end up spending more, since as far as I expect, they wont allow us to lower that number for the guests alone.
I know I should just be happy that I’m marrying my FI, but part of me can’t help but be sad. I’ve been battling axiety for years and depression for the past few months, and my new Family Dr. has the WORST office hours I’ve ever seen (really, who works 20 hours a week as a Dr. and none that time is past 5pm?!) So I cant seem to get an appointment. Hoping to get one for Wednesday/Thursday and then go on a low-dose daily anti-depressent at least until after the wedding. Its pathetic to me that if I’m not having heart palpitations from anxiety I go into a depressive state, I should be able to have a NORMAL mood sometimes.
@lemiller: We’ve already tried calling some, FMIL is starting her calls today (She didn’t want to ask on the weekend as she didn’t want to be pushy, but asked me at least twice a day on Friday, Satruday and Sunday, if we’d had more responses from her side…)
I had more lack of responses but got in touch with a few on the weekend, those I don’t have phone #s for I’m now asking around to get them.
Post # 6
I understand how you feel. We had almost 40 of our 150 RSVP cards out there when our date passed. We had about 215 out of 305 RSVP yes. This was a bit of a shock as most people live in the area. It was DH’s family in this situation though. He was pretty upset and so were his parents that so many of their guests said no (or just didn’t respond). We were both a bit upset because we didn’t know why they said no and also because we were no longer going to meet the minimum. Luckily our venue let us upgrade a whole bunch of stuff. We were happy that we were able to upgrade food and drinks for those who were able to make it and received tons of compliments. In the end we had a great time. We certainly missed those who couldn’t make it but we had tons of family and friends surrounding us so we still had a great time.
You should contact those that haven’t replied. We had a surprising amount of people tell us they were coming even though they didn’t bother to RSVP. Also, to fill your hall more you could decrease the amount of people at each table. I strongly disagree with your FI about telling them an inflated number. I would much rather pay extra for something that didn’t get made than waste food. And maybe they will let you put that money towards some upgrades?
Post # 7
@MrsBeck: Well I’m glad to hear someone else had the same (and your wedding was so recent! Congrats!!)
I can’t really do many upgrades TBH as we have right now: Full Premium Open Bar from 5pm to 1am (literally what they have behind there, anyone can drink) The chair covers and linens are included, we have 4 courses and a midnight seafood and sweets buffet. And they do decor on the head table and cake table. I donno what else I would add that they actually offer. And we have a combination entree of Chicken and Salmon so we couldn’t really even upgrade that lol.
I do disagree with my FI, he’s just being a stubborn donkey. 😛 He just really hopes the venue will have a sense of okay, lets work something out. At the end of the day the Venue needs to make $ and we understand that, but we’re hoping that if say they need to make 10,000 in PROFIT of our 20,000 minimum that for the last 2-3,000 we could split it, save them the half they have in costs, and still give them that profit they want.
Post # 8
@Elky: I am so sorry and I completely understand. If you follow the July RSVP thread you will see I invited 237 and was expecting 200, hoping for 180.
As of Friday we were missing 21 households andd 55 people. It got better–we are now (after our deadline) only missing 15 households and 34 people. It looks like we will have fewer than 150 people attend. That is painful because we signed with a revenue minimum which would be fine for 175+, but now we have to find a way to pad thousands of dollars. And it will be an empty space– I love my venue, but it is not where I would have put a wedding of 130 (the 20 children won’t be at the reception– they are in a separate space).
My fiance’s family is flying/driving from everywhere, my family hasn’t RSVPed yet.
All I can say is that it hurts now, but focus on who is there. As far as the venue, see if they can up your wedding package so the money doesn’t go to waste– maybe a better bar package, more appetizers, a late night bar? That is how we are getting our minimum.
Post # 9
@Elky: I see…well Poo to that! Hate the drs! My daughter has been waiting for 4 mos for an appt with a specialist. I really Hope you can get in to the DR office. It’s important you feel well. I get palpitations too and they suck!!! I’m sending good thoughts your way in hopes some of this crap will work itself out. Hugs 🙂
Post # 10
I would try and upgrade your appetizers, think about a dessert table, maybe upgrade the chicken to steak? Are there premium decor items, such as chiavari chairs or upgraded linens? If all else fails, I think you’re on the right track with seeking some sort of break from the venue. I’m sure they’ve run into this situation before – hopefully they’re pretty reasonable about it.
As for the rest of it, there were really no surprises with regard to who would come and who wouldn’t come to our wedding, but it still hurt to get some of those “no” RSVPs. Sorry that you’re hurting, OP.
Post # 11
@Pollywog: Good to hear that you got most of your RSVPs again! Have you tracked down those last 15 since the deadline??
Thanks for the encouragement, I’ll try to look at it that way. As stated above though I can’t really “upgrade” anything. We have: Full Premium Open Bar from 5pm to 1am (literally what they have behind there, anyone can drink) The chair covers and linens are included, we have 4 courses and a midnight seafood and sweets buffet. And they do decor on the head table and cake table. I donno what else I would add that they actually offer. And we have a combination entree of Chicken and Salmon so we couldn’t really even upgrade that lol. And we have unlimited Apps from 5pm-6pm
I’ll try to keep focusing on the ones that will be there, as it stands they’re the ones that really want to be there right?? *sigh*
You ladies have all been helpful, I will try to focus on the good parts of it and speak to the venue to see what they’ll offer if we’re short on guests.
Good news to some of the guests though is those that have requested to bring X children or additional guests, are getting a big fat YES from us. haha….
Post # 12
@Elky: I have been told that I am not allowed to follow up until mail comes today and I am sober (I was on my bachelorette when mail came on Saturday and am pretty peeved my godmother hans’t figured out whether or not she wants to bring her ex boyfriend, so she hasn’t RSVPed). We will follow up with everyone this week because I need final numbers next Wednesday.
Sorry :-(. This sucks.
Post # 13
@Elky: oh honey…. Thats The way people Roll in Canada. I am going to give you the only advice that I have. Some of your ” closets friends” wont come and wont care…. And some friends you considered adquintances will be there for you and be super happy for you. Family is the same…. Just enjoy with the people that do want to come. Because that is all that is important.
About the venue since you have to pay anyway: I suggest this ” negotiate” ask your caterer to replace plates with these:
. Candy Bar
. Dessert bar
. Cheese bar
. Pasta bar ( for people who stay late and want to party and drink)
For you venue to look the proper size:
. Bigger dance floor
. Rent a few lounge seats and set up a ” sitting room” area for those who dont dance and want to hang out with people from other tables.
Post # 14
@Pollywog: At least your godmother is coming! Can you ask your Mom/Dad to prode your Godmother? That way you can keep your anger behind your teeth? 😛 I’ve had to bite some serious anger and just say “Thanks for letting me know!” to all my family that has said no for stupid reasons.
My Godparents decided to book a trip to Portugal from June 15 to August 1st… and then they invited my Mother’s God Daughter and her family to go with them…. and yes this was AFTER they recieved the STD 🙁
@sportsgal31: I might be able to upgrade apps, we already have the dessert table (midnight seafood and sweets!) and all weddings we’ve gone to with steak somehow they butcher it…. I guess it helps when you know about the people in advance at least oyu lucked out in that department 🙂 I envy you a bit 😛
@Birdi: Thanks, you’ve always responded to my posts and are so friendly! We have similar wait times for a specalist here because you have to be referred in order to get it covered under OHIP and often theres 1 specalist that 50 Family Dr.’s refer to.
Post # 16
@Elky: Do you have anyone else you can send a late invitation to? Or ask around? My SIL had lower then her guaranteed so the week before she was just calling people and saying “hey do you want to come to my wedding” since she was in the same boat… no real way to upgrade. She did get a few more people come.