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I didnt until my fiance's brother took him to vegas for his.. I though I knew what a lap dance was.. big deal.. she rubs on him.. YEA RIGHT.. watch one on youtube.. its SEX with your clothes on.. and just because she and he have clothes on... does not mean it takes away from what is happening. The sexual intent is still there... the only reason he is paying her for it is because he is guarantted to have the woman of his dreams... Seriously.. thats why they dont go out and find some random skank.. they go and buy a skank. Your man has another woman on him... She is LOOKING at your man.. she maybe paid.. but she is TAKING YOUR PLACE ... some lap dances last 3 minuts.. SOME LAST AN HOUR.. I am sure men dont talk about the 30 45 or 60 minute ones they are offerd. I think NO man married or about to be should be doing this..Mine did and I almost called off the wedding. I didnt because I made him pay... literally... I made him pay me what he paid her... and then I took him to the mall and made him watch me blow it.. then I told him whatever he did with her during the soo called innocent lap dance.. I was going to go to a club and find a guy and do the same thing with him.. when he mentioned he had problem with it I told him.. he shouldnt according to him and his brothers its all innocent.. IF its so innocent.. then I can do the same thing.. I swear only God saved his butt at that point.. We went to counseling for 3 months becasue I felt he cheated.. DONT STAND FOR IT LADIES>.. STAND FOR SOMETHING OR YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING..
I've actully been to the strip club around here a lot before i met FI. The bars close at 1 so we always went to the strip club after. Hell i've even gotten on the stage with them!
The girls at the club around here are old fat & ugly!
I could honestly careless if FI decided he wanted to go. He’s totally not into that BUT I would have a blast asking & making fun of him about the old ladies rubbing themselves on him.
I agree. I hate the idea of some random girl grinding against MY fiance. If he wants a lap dance, all he has to do is ask and I'll happily oblige, I'm his fiance, and if he wants sex then I'm his girl, not some random. I would never go grind against some random guy at a club, and he would hate if I did. I've made my feelings about strippers and lap dances very clear, and he is having a casino night or something for his bucks night.
I have been to plenty of strip clubs, even the ones in Vegas. Thes ones in Vegas usually have pretty attractive women because most of them are looking for a boost in their modeling or acting careers (seriously). Your local dive joint is going to employ average looking girls.
I have even had a lap dance because my co-workers (in college at the time) bought one for me. At least I found out I wasn't a lesbian for sure after that encounter.
One: It isn't as if your man is having sex with her. In fact, they can't even TOUCH the stripper no matter how much money they pay.
Two: You are acting like your fiance never gets excited looking at other women or satisfies himself sometimes looking at "adult materials". Unless your man is very religious, then I guarantee he occassionally participates in both these activities.
Three: Most people have fantasies. They are fun and exciting, but do not have much substance to them.
Four: Most men come back from a strip joint pretty ready to go and willing to do ANYTHING to satisfy you.
Five: Yes, there are naked women dancing around and the occassional lap dance, but they are also surrounded by a bunch of other men. That kind of kills the vibe for them of it being "like sex" or that is what guys have told me.
I really don't care if my FI goes to a strip joint or not. He goes for bachelor parties and the occassional birthday, but not everyday. He says they are too expensive and dirty (as in germs) that he just doesn't see those things outweighing the benefit (boobies). If your man is spending everyday a strip joint then there are other problems in the relationship besides the strippers. If my guy wants to go out and hang with his friends and act like a guy then I'm fine with it.
I do have rules. Those are no kissing and no touching the private parts (boobies or otherwise). Most strip joints won't let you do that anyway, so it really is a moot point. My man takes care of me financially, emotionally, and physically and I just adore him. I know he respects and loves me, so I don't mind him hanging with his friends no matter what they do.
Oh and ladies, if you've never had a lapdance from a male stripper you are TOTALLY missing out! I love it when the Chipendales make it through town.
totally agree!! Your getting married and they want to go have one last hoora with some skank i dont think so. I as well made my feelings clear. But didnt have to worry about it in my fi family they play golf for thier guy time which he will be doing the morning of the wedding :) Im glad you guys worked everything out and I am sorry u got your feelings hurt :( I would have too girl
Oh lighten up. Having a lap dance and having sex are so completely removed from one another. That woman is doing her job, it's not as if she is sexually attracted to your fiance and just wishes that she could jump his bones.
I think you have to get used to the fact that your fiance will at some point, and probably frequently, find himself attracted to other women. That's human nature and no amount of "discipline" is going to get that out of him. It's important to trust your fiance not to act on those moments of attraction and not to make such a big deal out of them. The bigger deal you make out of relatively minor issues the more cause he is going to have to hide them.
This particular topic tends to get rather heated - there are an abundance of posts regarding strip clubs that can be found by searching for the topic in the search box. If anyone wants to see different views on the topic, I'm sure they are basically all presented in one of those posts.
Everyone has their own views on what is appropriate and inappropriate in a relationship. In my opinion, that particular matter should be decided between the two individuals in a relationship.
Well said, Eva!
What is the point of this post, OP? The tone of what you said almost sounds like you are trying to get people heated up, like you are trying to convince us all of our men are cheating on us. Very odd 1st post, IMO.
On the note of strip clubs, I don't really care if he goes. Whatever. He's in the military and he went with his army buddies about 2 weeks ago. They spent 6 hours and went to 4 different clubs. BFD. In the end, he still came home to me (figuratively speaking, since we are LD.) Lap dances are NOT sex. Yes, they are sexual, but not sex. Do you think that girl wants your man? No. It's her JOB.
seriously? if you're marrying this man you should trust that he will be faithful to you. going to a stip club for his bachelor party is NOT cheating. like, at all.
the stripper could care less who she is giving a lap dance to, and your fiance may be enjoying himself, but he is probably pressured by his brother and friends as well.
give him a break.
I could care less about my FI going to s strip club. They're not having sex and I trust him. If he was interested in strippers he would be dating one and not me.
I agree that you should trust him and that men are going to be attracted to some other women but I think when you tell them its ok to go strip clubs and get lap dances (and we all know what goes on in the back rooms) your telling them its ok to have no self control but everyone is different and everyone in thier relationship is different if you know how you feel in your heart and you think its wrong I would just stick to your guns and not let other people move your thoughts. My fi and i are both against it he would be pretty upset if i did something like that and vice versa. We are religious and try our best to follow the word just so thats understood. So just be you and follow your heart
I personally DO care, it's something that really bothers me.
That being said, I only care about it within the parameters of my relationship, not other people's.
But, i also agree that the OP sounds like she's trying to cause people to get riled up, it was an odd, odd, first post.
He may not be having sex with her and I may trust him to no end, but I'll be damned if he goes to a strip club. I think its gross.
I am not trying to get you all riled up... I am saying stop kidding yourselves... Yes.. in VEGAS.. YOU CAN TOUCH!!!! and you can touch in lots of clubs everywhere come on.. lets get honest. dont kid yourself.. enough money and you can have whatever you want.. if you pay for it.. And if you really felt OK deep down with him going to a club than I would not be able to get you all riled up would I......All I am saying is.. if you can stand for this.... if I walked up to your man and touched his #$%^@ would it matter if I had clothes on or not? What is the difference between that and a stripper at a strip club.. what if I went into a club and found your man on a dance floor and decided I was going to grind on him.. Whats the difference.. " I guess the differece is I got cheated out of some money because he paid the other girl... the differnece between a hooker and a ho aint nothin but a street" like a famous song once said.... Lots of gray lines.. thats how cheating starts.. lots of gray areas... It seems to me like our society has TONS of gray areas..Its just harmless if your man goes to a club... or has one last night of fun... wonder if he is thinking about that girl that he saw in the club while he is doing you... I want my mans thoughts to be on me...THATS WHAT MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT.. I dont want to invite a third wheel into my bedroom in my husbands head..
Yeah, I don't understand the point of this post.
I personally wouldn't mind if the boy went to a strip club. He wouldn't; he thinks they're gross. But if he wanted to go, that would be fine. I trust him completely. Even if he had a lap dance, it wouldn't really bother me. I wouldn't be THRILLED about it, but it wouldn't be upset. Who cares if some random chick gets paid to grind on him for a few minutes? I'm the one he's coming home to.
I think that the strip club issue is best handled on a couple by couple basis. Like most issues, it's impossible to make judgments across the board. Every couple, every person, is different and would handle the issue a different way.
So you're not trying to rile everyone up, yet look at how you've handled your comments. They're very inflammatory, lots of capitalizations, punctuation marks, etc.
Not exactly "not riling up" material in my opinion.
Sounds to me like you have been burned in the past with a man who went to a strip club and you are projecting onto everybody else's relationship. Everyone is different, every relationship is different.
MR.BEE can you shut this one out before it ends up turning into something that's not worth any of the bees' time!? :P
I want my mans thoughts to be on me...THATS WHAT MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT..
Wow, if that is what you think marriage is all about you might not be ready to handle a marriage. In a marriage you should be living to make the other person happy, not controlling their lives so they only think about YOU.
Maybe I read your statement wrong, but it sounded selfish and selfishness has no place in a marriage.
One last comment... and I swear this would be my last... I want to know how many if you walked into a club and saw your man with some bimbo on top of him.. licking his neck.. rubbing her boobs in his face.. rubbing her hands all over him... rubbing her you know what on his lap.. basically doing all the things that you two do in a bedroom together... would not want to go after that girl or him... I am sure someone would be carried out in a stretcher if I saw it... Not sure if it would be him.... or her.. .or both... but someone would be going down and it would not be me. All I am trying to do in regards to this post is to save other women who are about to be married from starting your marriage off on the wrong foot.. If you dont have a problem with it.. then disregard my post..IF you do have a problem with it.. make sure your man does not go to a club for his party.. IF i could do it all over again.. My man would NOT be going to VEGAS for anything.. as my preacher and counselor says.. " what happens in Vegas does not really stay in Vegas does it." That was my preachers exact words to me and my husband.
@upsidedowncity - You are blowing everything way out of proportion (and are obviously trying to rile people up despite your claims otherwise). I've been to strip clubs before both with and without my FI and he's also gone without me. They are really not a big deal. I've watched him get a lap dance (and no, the stripper didn't know his FI was there), he's given me money to give the stippers on stage.
It's all in fun and the strippers have no interest in you, your FI, or anyone else there in the club. They are just doing their job, trying to make a living. If you can't trust your FI more than that (and think he's not also getting the same enjoyment from online porn and magazines), you may have some deeper issues in your relationship that ought to be worked out. Like rebeltreble said, your thoughts of what marriage is all about are very off base.
I'm sure that my FI will end up at a strip club in Vegas for part of his bachelor party weekend there and I could care less. I hope he has a good time with his friends because I trust him whole-heartedly, know he has zero interest in any of those girls, and know he'll be back in bed with me when the weekend is over.
I don't think you are over the fact that your FI went to a strip club, despite 3 months of counseling.
lol @ this post. FI went to his B-party this weekend. strippers were involved. nobody's head exploded, the stripper did not want to marry my FI (although she did tell him she was also a grade school teacher LMAO!) He said his friends all bought him lap dances blah blah blah blah. And don't worry! If she licked his neck I'll be okay because I told him to get in the shower and wash all of the stripper goo off before he got into bed with me on sunday night.
I agree with everything you said in your post!!! I never really understood why guys always wanted to go to strip clubs for their bachelor party. It's not your "last" night out on the town as a single man..you're about to get MARRIED!! If anything I think a bachelor/bachelorette party should be to celebrate your marriage.
I HATE strip clubs, they are disrespectful & degrading to women. If my husband went to one I'd be very upset.
I personally don't have anything against strip clubs but that's maybe because my Fiance has no interest in paying some chick to grind on him when I do that for free lol. I guess I am lucky when it comes to that, he has no interest in strippers- he's never even been inside a strip club and he's 28 lol
"wonder if he is thinking about that girl that he saw in the club while he is doing you..."
I think you have some serious trust issues you need to continue to address in counseling.
Strip clubs are probably more degrading to men. They show that all it takes is a few shakes of the ta ta's to get men to part with their money!
I'm "one of the guys" girl...so although I didn't go, I was privy to full details and even video of many bachelor parties.
I hope my FI decides against one but if has a bachelor party, I WANT it to be at a strip club because hiring strippers at a house party...Now those are sick!! And you can find attractive strippers to come over. They are call themselves strippers but they are hookers. My friends have had sex with them, not a lap dance. But penetration. Sure they use condoms...
So those gripping about a strip club, its not ideal but would you rather they party at home and hire strippers? You would never know or find out. My friends wives have no clue what goes on at these things.
I have been many times to strip clubs in the Philadelphia and Atlantic City areas. I have friends who worked at strip clubs (not as strippers though).
I wouldn't have a problem with my FI going to strip clubs, in fact I have even been with him. But I'm conflicted about whether I would be upset if my FI got a lap dance. I think I would be based on what I have seen...
Yes, technically you are not allowed to touch. But, having grown up in AC, and taking plenty male friends to strip joints in AC and Philly to get lap dances... you are kidding yourself if you think it does not happen. It does. More times than not there has been an offer for it to go further. And once even for free.
A friend's marriage broke up in part over an incident with a stripper at a bachelor party that came to light a few months later. Her husband was apparently very drunk and felt pressued by his friends. I knew him well and would NEVER have thought he was the type.
Contradictions galore!!
"All I am trying to do in regards to this post is to save other women who are about to be married from starting your marriage off on the wrong foot.."
Translation: It's WRONG if they go to a strip club!! Ladies, don't let him go!!
"If you dont have a problem with it.. then disregard my post.."
Translation: Well, I suppose it's not wrong if you don't have a problem with it.
"IF you do have a problem with it.. make sure your man does not go to a club for his party.."
Translation: So I'm just here warning people to tell your FI not to do something if it really bothers you. Even though that's advice that should probably be common sense in a relationship, and if it's new and earth-shattering to you, your marriage is probably not off to the best start anyway.
In short, far as I can tell: there is absolutely no point to this thread.
Did anyone else notice that the OP said she DIDN'T HAVE A PROBLEM with strip clubs until after her man went to one??? So basically, she let him go and then had a problem with it after the fact and punished him and almost didn't marry him because he did something that she said he could do.
I guess this thread did serve as a warning. I'll never put my FI through that. If I say I'm cool with something and he does it, I will not throw a fit that he did and start threads on weddingbee about it and make myself look ridiculous.
i don't like the idea, and neither does my fh.. he loves me, and me only and the thought to him of some other girl 'being all up in it' is disgusting to both of us... however i know that his groomsmen got him a stripper(his party is this coming weekend...) and i know that he won't enjoy it, so i'm okay.. i feel bad for her honestly, having to dance for someone who doesn't really want her to?
wow just wow, 3 posts all on this subject and people are even giving this person the time of day yet other bee's actually need help and no one bothers . . . seriously?!
I had to jump in here (and the other "stripper" posts) because this is my fav subject when it comes to bachelor parties...
ready? here it is..
SO EFFING WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Too many women dont have enough confidence in their man to know that, nothing, and I repeat nothing will happen between him and this "student, trying to pay her own way through school". It's so disconcerting to see so many women have an issue with this...NOTE?: they do not want your man, they have one, or they have a woman and your man is that last thing on their mind. If anything, you should be mad that he is paying someone to do something that you can do for free, not that she is after him.
Having been exposed to the industry (I have dated the owner of a strip club), trust that these women are ONLY in it for the money, it is incredibly rare that they go home with or even contact a man after meeting him in the club. When they look at your man, all they see is his wallet.
Amen MrsH1010! In my experience (my sis works for major adult mag) most of those girls are more interested in us girls then the boys! That in and of itself has always made me laugh at strip clubs in general, cuz those girls are some good actresses!
LOL I was just going to say a lot of strippers like the ladies. So they literally could not be less interested sexually in your FI. They are all about his cash money, that's it. And I love how the OP's response to get back at him is to have him pay her like a hooker and then watch her spend his money. That's way more f**ked up than a lapdance.
haha @kitty - it's a little twisted, but if it had worked would have been a good solution! I am thinking about using that for when my friends get married (first they have to get engaged!) b/c they live in Miami and know people that are friendly with the celebs and get the vip treatment. I know they won't be looking at any ugly girls on the stage, that's for sure. "Whatever you spend in Miami this weekend is your business.. but the girls and I are going OUT while you're gone, our treat." I think that would be well received, if I didn't give him crap about the strippers. (i'm really against strip clubs, but know it's not something worth arguing about, since my man doesn't give me grief about anything).
I don't think I'd be so bothered if my BF went to a strip club for his stag night. He's told me that he's been to a few clubs for his friends' stag nights, and that's not really something I make a fuss about. He doesn't particularly like strip clubs or strippers, and he recently told me that he doesn't really want to go one for his stag night anyway (though it wouldn't surprise me if one of his friends decided to take him to one).
Also, strip clubs in the UK are pretty tame compared to the clubs you can find in other places. No touching allowed, and as far as I know a "lap dance" involves no physical contact between the girl and the man. This, according to my BF, is one of the reasons why it's become popular for British men to go abroad for their stag dos.
To summarise; I love and trust my BF, so even if he does end up going to strip club on his stag night, I know he won't cheat.
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