Post # 1
Fi and I are going back and forth on what we are going to do for our wedding. I am pretty sure we will end up eloping. Neither of us feels very good about spending thousands of dollars on one day.
My one and only hang-up about eloping is who we should tell, if anyone. I would rather no one know, because it will just open up a can of worms if they do. His parents will make a big deal, and the more people I tell, the more people will try to encourage us to go through with a big shebang. However, there are certain aspects of the process hat I’d still like to have (namely, dress shopping with my mom and sisters). I know that if I tell my parents/sisters, then he will feel like he should tell people too. The logistics of all of this are making me crazy!
So… long story short, if you eloped… who did you tell (if anyone)? How did you go about planning your elopement if you keptit all a secret? If you did tell people, what were the reactions of the people you told?
Any help is very much appreciated!
Post # 3
We have told our families and a few friends our intentions of eloping or a small with just us. We haven’t set a date yet as things are kinda hectic with job relocations and house hunting, and we may just go get married and tell everyone after. We plan on having a party of some sort but nothing fancy.
Post # 4
Go shopping for your dress with everyone. Don’t discuss plans.
Then elope and tell no one.
Post # 5
We’ve told family and very close friends. I planned the entire thing in a week which included reserving a room at the B&B, hiring a photographer, and finding a celebrant. I got a dress, shoes, accessories, etc., got a bouquet/boutonniere (along with charms with pics of our parents since we’ll have no guests), already got the wedding bands. All we have to do is stop and get the marriage license and get married. We live in Maryland but planned the ceremony for Loudon County, Va in the fall. I’m hoping for a beautiful fall day with leaves at their peak.
We’ll announce our wedding to people after we get back and I plan on ordering announcement to mail out. It’s all been amazingly stress free. 🙂
Post # 6
I am engaged and we are thinking of eloping. I guess it’s not an elopement if we tell people. But we are in the same boat as you, we don’t want to spend thousands on one day (even if it is a very special day!). My family is aware that we don’t want to spend a lot of money on it and want something small. Fiance and I are still not sure if we will go to the JP or do a small destination wedding. But even if we do a courthouse wedding, I will wear a cute dress and have a bouquet and definitely a photographer.
I went dress shopping with my FMIL, sister, and best friend. I wanted that experience. While I didn’t find the dress, it was a fun time. I might even make a brooch bouquet and include my family and friends in that project.
Post # 7
Pretty much nobody except my next door neighbors since there were watching my dogs for me while we were out of town getting hitched! 🙂
Afterward, we sent a cell pic of us holding a sign that said “we eloped” (see avitar) to our families and friends!
Post # 8
People were bugging me for plans, dates, dresses, bridesmaids etc within 3 days of becoming engaged. I told them that we were going to run away and I’ve heard nothing but ‘advice’ first. I’ve been told things from ‘you are making a mockery of marriage’ to ‘I want to be a bridesmaid, I’ll understand if you don’t pick me but I’ll be upset’. I wish I’d told no one.
Post # 9
I told my parents right away our plan and explained the reasons why we are doing it. My Mom wanted to come with us but eventually understood that it would be more romantic for us if it was just a two of us, especially since we were honeymooning in the same place. His family was told a little later on and they were ALL upset for various reasons. His niece wanted to see her favourite uncle get married (she is under 21 so would not have been invited anyway). His Dad thought he was the only who was not invited. His Mom could not afford to fly so she thought we did it on purpose so far away… etc.
We told our close friends because they were originally in the bridal party, so they needed to know the change of plans. And we didn’t keep it a secret from anyone who would ask.
In retrospect, I would have kept it a secret from everyone, except may be our very close friends. As soon as you tell people they would give you advice not to do it, or outright threats to go ahead with a big wedding, it was so crazy how everyone reacted. Some people were just angry with us that we would dare not to do the pony show and some were sad because they wished they would have done it too. Better not to tell anyone, in my view. Just savour the moment together and this awesome secret you share 🙂
Post # 10
Post # 11
I think it’s sad how people react to a couple’s plans! It’s about the couple, not about everyone else!
Post # 12
@axeyourmakeupkit: This is exactly what I am thinking I will do. I’m glad other brides think its an okay idea!
I have dropped hints to both families that we are tempted. My parents are amazingly supportive- they got married with a JP in their living room, so they know the temptation to elope.I know they will be sad to have missed it, but they will understand, especially if no one else is there. His parents flipped their lid and keep saying how we would regret a decision like that, but I know we absolutely will not regret it. FI is coming around to the idea the more I point out to him the ways in which the cost of our wedding will affect our future plans/current lifestyle.
I had a bit of a breakdown the other day when we got our umpteenth quote for reception, and it totaled $19,678 for 160 guests (the cheapest of all of them. Screw Toronto for being impossibly expensive!). I went to cut down the guest list and was cutting out people I LOVE just to accommodate having aunt so-and-so and uncle joe-blow. Both of us havE huge families and cutting some and not others wasn’t a good option. I looked at FI and said “I’d rather have no one there and explain that then have to cut people I truly love and care about and have to look them in the face and tell them they can’t come to my wedding.”
Glad to hear from you guys that it was the right decision for you- hopefully I’ll join the ranks of eloping bees in the future :D!
Post # 13
@grapefruitgal: LOL…sorry this is completely OT, but I love your avatar! haha
Post # 14
@OneOfTheseDaysAlice: hahahaha! Thanks! 😀 That’s pretty much what I look like. (NOT!)
Post # 15
@grapefruitgal: Booo I hate to be the annoying one whe disagrees, but I’m kinda against the idea of running away and telling no-one. It may work for some people, we thought about keeping our elopement secret but it would have completely broken my mums heart. I just think keeping such an important announcement secret can upset people.
We decided first we were going to elope and then I told my mum our plans. I didn’t say we were ‘thinking of eloping’ I said ‘we are going to get married overseas and we want to have a private wedding.’ I said that it was what we wanted to do as a couple. I didn’t explain why because I didn’t need to. Our family respected our decision to keep our wedding ceremony private. About 6 months away from our wedding date, I decided to invite my mum (and only my mum) to come to our ceremony overseas. It would have cost A LOT of money for her and my dad to come, so they decided to put that money instead towards a ‘reception’ when we got home. We were not going to have a reception at first but we welcomed the idea. So we had a private ceremony overseas and then a reception a few weeks later. It worked perfectly for us.
Post # 16
I told anyone who asked! It was not to be a secret at all! I did not however, post anything on Facebook prior. I just don’t like to advertise when I’m not going to be home for lengthy periods of time (goes for all my trips).
Several people (both close friends/family and not – like work people) knew about my my family’s drama, big wedding cancellation, my father’s death, so they often asked about “where are you now in the planning” stages. Those that knew the story, definitely knew about the elopement. I only shared with those that brought it up with me first.
So maybe by definition it wasn’t an elopement – as we did tell people and it was all planned out. H doesn’t think it was an elopement, but I say it was!