I don’t think my relationship endured his cheating but we went about it wrong. He cheated for 4 months with a mutual friend – no sex, but still, the intimacy was there.
I don’t think he ever truly understood what he did and that was a big thing. He let me be emotional and broken for the first few days, maybe a week, and then began fighting with me. It was over, I won, he chose me, it was a mistake, he knew it, why was I holding it over his head, why wouldn’t I let him move on, etc.
Looking back, I had every right to be upset with him and “hold it over his head” cause it had only been a week and this girl was a good friend of mine but at the time, I loved him and he made me feel guilty so I bottled up my feelings after that and tried to not be jealous…he even maintained his friendship with her.
We fought on and off about it for over a year, and then things seemed to be fixed until a couple of years later because she had moved away, moved back, and he started talking to her again and asked her to sing in his band. Again, he convinced me I was being unreasonable so I fought with myself to let it go.
I don’t believe he ever cheated on me after that one time, but after the long haul to resolve MY feelings, issues began to arise in HIM. WHen i thought things were finally good, he began to suspect that I was being unfaithful and regularly accused me of cheating (which I never did). He never questioned my loyalty before.
Long story short, if you truly want to kill this demon, you HAVE to work together. You absolutely cannot dismiss eachother – don’t let him guilt you into accepting it and don’t constantly belittle him for his mistake. This is one area, I would advise counseling for because it’s incredibly difficult to weather on your own.