Ladies with Low Counts — Why?

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Why Do You Have Few Partners? (Pick the Most Applicable)
    Religious or Moral Reasons (i.e., being raised to believe it was wrong) : (53 votes)
    45 %
    Lack of Options (Dated very few people/felt I couldn't have more) : (40 votes)
    34 %
    Self-Esteem and/or Sexual Dysfunction : (3 votes)
    3 %
    Fear of Consequences (i.e., Pregnancy, STIs) : (21 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 2
    2052 posts
    Buzzing bee

    In high school I would say it was a self esteem issue combined with a high standards issue? The people I would have had sex with I thought were out of my league, and the guys that expressed interest in sex with me I literally had no interest in.

    Then after that I’d say I was a serial monogamist. Excluding one guy (that I seriously regret) I only ever slept with men I was in a long term relationship with. Being with someone exclusively each time for 2-3 years really cuts down the ability to have a big number

    Post # 3
    943 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    When I was younger like 16-18 it seemed like guys only wanted to have sex, and I wasn’t looking for that. I met my now DH when I was 18 and it just worked out that he was the one!

    Post # 4
    878 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    My number is 4. I dated one guy for 4 years in high school/ early college. Casually slept with 2 in between, then met the man I’m marrying. I said lack of options but idk if that’s Right. I don’t want more options!

    Post # 5
    3280 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    FI and I have only been which each other even though we’ve both had many other opportunities. We just find that gross and don’t see any benefits to that whatsoever. Also religous reasons and morals. We would never have it any other way. There’s nothing better than knowing you and your partner have only been with each other. 

    Post # 6
    1670 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    My choice isn’t on there, so I didn’t respond to the poll – I just didn’t really want to with that many people. I don’t think sex before marriage is morally wrong (obviously, as I’ve had lots of it) – I just am picky about who I’ll do it with. High standards maybe should be an option? I’ve had a lot of dates and plenty of opportunities, but my partner number is very low for my age (33). I guess lack of options is the closest thing, but it wasn’t lack of opportunity, I just didn’t feel like casual sex was for me.

    My FI also has very low numbers, and his reason isn’t on the poll either – he was too busy! He worked his way through undergrad and grad school on his own, then slaved to get a job that would get him to the United States. All his friends were having sex all over the place… in his words… “There just wasn’t the time.”

    I absolutely never wonder about if I should have had more sexual partners. FI and I have an active and fufilling sex life, so I don’t see any reason to worry about it. 

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  CaroBee.
    Post # 7
    462 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I feel like all the options you listed have negative conotations, so I can’t choose any. I don’t think sex is “wrong” so I can’t choose the first one, but I do think it’s special. I’ve only chosen to share myself that way within a select few relationships that were very important to me.

    Post # 8
    2117 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    My number is 4, so I don’t know if that counts as low, but in reality, I just met FI when I was really young (18). So once we were together, my number obviously didn’t increase. FI’s number is 2, me and a girlfriend from high school, for the same reason.

    Post # 9
    462 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    CaroBee:  +1 to everything you said

    Post # 10
    2792 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I picked lack of options for lack of better option. I really didn’t feel the need to “sleep around” ever. There were a few times I could have, but I could never think of a good reason too.

    Post # 11
    216 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    DH was not only my first (and only) sex partner, but my first kiss. I didn’t date during high school, as I didn’t meet anyone with whom I shared a mutual interest. Even if I had dated, I’m not sure I would have had sex as I was a strict rule-follower and a bit overwhelmed by the whole idea, haha. I was definitely terrified of becoming pregnant too. I met DH on the first day of university (age 18) and we’ve been togther for over 8 years now. It sounds like being in long-term relationships kept the numbers down for many PPs as well. 

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  MissAusten.
    Post # 12
    57 posts
    Worker bee

    Been with the FI since 16yo so were each other’s first everything 

    Post # 13
    6158 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    i hit puberty very early and had very large boobs on a very petite frame.  so guys thought i was much older than i was.  i got a lot of sexual attention that i didn’t understand and wasn’t able to handle.

    i remember holding my baby cousin when i was 9 or 10 and people thought he was mine. 

    also, no guys my age looked me in the face, everyone always stared at my chest.  and i was teased alot.

    so i thought every guy i met was after me for only one thing. 

    i did have boyfriends in highschool but i wasn’t ready for sex then.

    in college i wasn’t interested in sleeping around just for the sake of it.  i wanted my first time i be with someone i loved.  so i waited until i had a serious boyfriend and was ready.

    in my life, i’ve had 3 sexual partners including my now husband.

    i don’t regret my decision.

    Post # 14
    6407 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I don’t know what the definition of a “low count” is, but mine probably wouldn’t qualify as a “high count.” None of your poll options apply.

    Some people around me had this attitude of having sex outside of serious relationships, or very early in relationships. I didn’t see the point of that (still don’t). I dated many guys who just didn’t turn out to be good enough to get to that stage of intimacy. If I did not love him, and he did not love me, it did not happen.

    So I would answer my count is a result of me being very picky about who got to that stage. For no other reason except that’s what made logical sense to me (and still does). I’m satisfied with my decisions.

    Post # 15
    123 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    I wouldn’t say ‘lack of options’ as I’ve always had a lot of choice of guys. It was a personal decision and circumstances that I have only a few sexual partners. I didn’t care sleeping with random guys and didn’t date much before I met my FI — partly because I LOVE to be independent and single life fit me well. i don’t regret that one bit! It’s not about quantity, it’s about quality 😀

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