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oppps, didnt know you had to give an excuse when rsvp'ing. i usually decline with a few nice words wishing them the best and follow up with a card and gift.
Ok I am not here yet, but I have a super lame excuse for not going to a wedding. My cousin is getting married soon and I dont really like her. My mom wanted me to go to the wedding in her place but I wont do it. I am going to a paintball tounement instead. i dont play, but the company my FH works for is the sponser and he is refing since he used to play on their company team. Paintball is my excuse. i know i am hoppible, but so is she. We arent friends and she is so rude every time I see her. I really dont want her at my wedding and do not feel the need or desire to travel 5 hours for hers when I can sit in the sun all day and watch the boys shoot eachother.
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@eloping I mainly mean people that you have a decent relationship with that tell you they can't come or aren't sure if they can come because of "x", but not through mailing in the rsvp...by just telling you and not offering anything but a "Oh I'm not sure, I think I might have a thing that weekend..."
@kdlowery lol...thankfull I don't have any cousins/family I don't get along with, but understandable lol
In my case, my first RSVP was a "no" that came back so quickly I think my cousin didn't even consider coming. I won't lie - it made me cry - but it got a little easier after that. I knew that not everyone would be able to travel.
The worst were those that we never heard from. One girl who was a childhood friend of my partner never bothered to respond. We heard through the grapevine that she had her college graduation that weekend however we also saw photos on facebook that her graduation occurred prior to our wedding. So she got a free stamp.
If your question isn't related to these kinds of circumstances (which I consider "obligation" invitations and initially hurt but didn't last), then you're pretty well off dismissing them. If it's true friends who can't come, just consider that maybe they have a conflict (probably a poor excuse) or can't afford to come (very likely if there's any travel involved). They very well may be sending you a gift and a nice card closer to your wedding.
yah i had a few declines and most did not give reason, although most of them did. i guess for me, it doesn't really matter, i don't really expect an explaination of why someone isn't coming
On my dad's side, my aunt and uncle and all of their kids, kids' spouses, and grandkids declined. That was like 20 people! and they didn't even decline to us. A week or so before the wedding, after sending them multiple emails and calls, I finally just told my dad that he needed to confirm they weren't coming. He called my aunt, and she said, "None of us can make it." Also, I had another cousin and his family that I had to contact about their RSVP last minute. They didn't have an excuse either, just "We can't make it." It was pretty random.
In the end, it was for the best. You only want people at your wedding that are 100% supportive for you and your Fi, right? So if someone's not 100%, I'd rather they just stay home. Not that they're bad people, or anything, but I was happy to have a smaller wedding with people who I knew were going to be there for us, than a bunch of relatives who might feel like the HAVE to be there.
The lamest excuse I heard was actually from my little sister. She had just come back from a deployment in Iraq a couple weeks before the wedding, and she said she might not be able to make it because she was going to be too busy with bbq's and welcome home parties. Really? She came, but only because my parents ragged on her and paid her plane ticket out, lol!
I haven't had any "no" RSVPs yet, but I'm sure they're on their way! The majority of our guest list is local, as in the same town, so I doubt we'll get many declines... I'm just glad we kept the guest list small!
I will be happy if people decline... my guestlist is insane! I don't even care what their excuse is... the people who love and care about us will find a way to be there, or to give a really GREAT reason as to why they can't. :)
If they don't want to come, they're the ones missing out!!!!! You dont want people there who don't REALLY wanna be there anyways, right?
Why they feel inclined to give you some lame excuse though is beyond me.
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I didn't have any problems like that, but I did hate waiting for the RSVPs. People would tell me they hadn't had the time to send it out to me because they were busy (but they would get it to me soon *rolls eyes*), but seriously, how hard is it and how long does it take to put a couple of checkmarks down in the correct places and stuff a tiny card into a preaddressed and prestamped envelope? Boggles my mind lol
@JoesWifey lol yeah I've gotten quite a few "I've been busy, I'll get it in the mail soon!"
And, while some of those might really be true...I agree with you...really how long does it take? We even gave people the option to e-mail their RSVP to our wedding email account...although more have mailed theirs in than those that have e-mailed...so weird.
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Are you having a destination wedding? We are- so we pretty much knew who wouldbe or wouldn't be attending from the beginning (for example we figured our friends with three high school kids wouldn't be able to attend due to the looming college expenses, summer activities- and they can't bring themselves to leave their kids for a weekend!)
There wasn't a really good excuse for not RSVP'ing for us- since people could do it online- which saved in postage, wasted paper- and disorganization on our part to keep them all together. I;m so glad we didn't do the traditional RSVP envelopes! It goes directly into an excel spread sheet with all their dietary restrictions! Sweet.
My FH philosophy is basically- 'for those who didn't RSVP, and the date has come and gone- we aren't seeking them out because if they really wanted to come, they would have made more of an effort'. So we aren't even doing any follow up phone calls. But again, we are having a destination wedding (out-of-town, a six hour car ride away!) So people can't just randomly show up. It's perfect for us.
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My uncle didn't return the RSVP, so I had to call him and ask if they were coming. He said, "I don't think so...there's an antique car show in town that weekend I want to go to."
It was all I could do to not burst into tears on the phone. What a jerk! He goes to these shows ALL the time, so it's not like he would have been missing anything unique.
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It's definitely upsetting, but ultimately, you can't pick people's priorities for them. We had a few people not come who I was really expecting to be there. More upsetting than that though were the members of our wedding party (on my husband's side) who didn't "step up" and get there a bit early to help out. One of his groomsman flew in the day of the wedding and out the next morning, before the brunch. That really upset me, especially since we'd flown back from ENGLAND for their wedding just a few months earlier. Some people can be really selfish, but you can't do anything about it, sadly. Just focus on the people who are going to be there, supporting you and surrounding you with love that day.
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@ snmcdowell: It would have taken all my bodily strength not to spew hate at that uncle- how rude... I would rather someone LIE to me about being unable to attend then give me some crap like that. I would have asked my parent (whomever was related to that uncle) to let him know it was inappropriate and that it was disappointing.. I agree w/ the others, you only want those who truly want to be there for you in the end.
I'm honestly expecting SO MANY refusals that I'm hoping it won't phase me too much. For the friends who can't make it, I know I'll understand since many of them are college age/recent graduates who can't afford plane tickets 1200 miles away. The family who won't make it...well, they've never made much of an effort to be a part of my life, so I don't think it'll get to me. If those who I'm expecting to come say they can't make it, I will be disappointed, but expect them to have good excuses since they all live really close.
This is the one thing about the wedding I'm nearly panicked about and why I want to set up a website RSVP early, send out Save the Dates, etc. I have NO idea how many people will ultimately come. Like, NO IDEA. Ugh. (haha-sorry to get so off topic!! :))
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@ Sparkles, not trying to scare you, or anyone else for that matter, but my uncle lives in NM and we live in southern MO in a town 3 hours from the closest airport... he decided the day before to come and got a flight... Its rare, but it does happen no matter where you are....luckily we were prepared for him because that is how he does things...With his job he really cant make plans...
I know that many of my relatives from China couldn't make it since the travel alone cost at least $2000. I figure that those who really care will be there and that's all that matters.
How about this one (note that we didn't invite cousins because it would have added an additional 50 people to the guest list) :
I'm sorry we can't be there but the only people we can think of to watch little Jake is family.
--------
I mean, COME ON. You can't find a baby-sitter with plenty of notice?! My FI and this Aunt were rather close at one time so he was pretty miffed.
Ah, joy.
wow, good for you, you wnant people to come; I am hoping for no rsvp's
so far all Yes's!!!Yikes, I invited a fullhouse of 68 to fit in my 50-60 capacity venue (it can hold 70 but its pushing it)even my aunt from half way round the world is trying to make it, yikes! When are the no's comng in? I wouldn't mind saving some bucks! I even had guests added in by family but I cant really say no to a niece and nephew; just never was close to them they live in Alaska (not sure, if they come, a bit beyond m ybudget to cover their fare, I wish he told me I could have crossed out a few guests and covered their fare), and a 1st cousin added his son, cant say no, our family is small to begin with.
I've only had one "No" so far with a LARGE check mark--from a friend who got offended I didnt send her invite the same time as my other friends and she found out and got offended; I'm sure she checked yes if I sent it at the same time
I sent hers 1 week later because I had to think, 30% of the time we hang out when I invite her but usually she's out of town, has work or has to back out due to work has a friend in town, I was wondering if I wanted to risk $250 for an iffy friend.
So far I have 40 yes rsvp's; waiting for 28 more; 3 months away; not bad for rsvps; also because we invited only closest family and friends so the majority so far are yes's; some of my friends I know are probably waiting closer to the date because when you live in NYC you get unexpected visitors, so I'm not offended if they wait
we even had to find a way to gte my fiances best friend all the way from australia to come, if anything, people are trying to find a way to come.
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So, I'm in the stage of the process where I am *patiently* (or trying to be) waiting on RSVP's to come in.
For those of you who are also in this stage or past it, do you find yourself getting annoyed with.....lame excuses for lack of a better word?
Obviously I understand when people really do have a valid reason for why they can't come (on travel for work, long-planned family event/vacation, another wedding, etc.) BUT there are a couple so far I've heard that to be quite frank are completely lame and transparant.
How do you deal with this? Does it kinda hurt your feelings? What's the 'best' one you've heard?