- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I didn't change it. It goes against my feminist instincts to change my identity because I'm married. My decision bothered DH more than he thought it would, but he's hasn't been pushy about it.
I'm not going to change my name. I'm a strong feminist and while I think every woman needs to make a decision based on what's right for her, I wouldn't chnage my name. I'm the same person before and after marriage, therefore I keep my name. My FI completely agrees with me and is 100% supportive :)
DH didn care, but I did, as "feminist" as I am, I am a fan of tradition. Whether it is decorating a christmas tree a certain day of the year or taking his name, I am a fan of it.
I am confident enough in myself to be able to take another name without feeling it changes me. But to me because I know its tradition that would expected by many, I was happy to abide by it. I had no intetion of breaking the tradition in my family or his, although I suspect no one would care either way.
I do think that unless is a professional reason, its a bit over the top to not take his name. I, personally, do not think it has anything to do with identity or feminism, its purely tradition and respect. Just like its tradition that a guy hold the door for a woman, stand when she stands at a table, etc. There are certain things I like purely because its tradition and respect.
EDIT: I also see it as a gift to my husband and if need be something I can remove. I think its kind of like a contract. I take your name and we are a team. If I remove it (divorce) we not longer are.
I'm a feminist too but that is just part of the reason why I didn't change it. Why do I have to go through all that trouble anyways? I would be myself even if I had a number instead of a name but I just think name changing is not necessary these days although I respect everyone's opinions on the topic. Everyone does it or doesn't do it for different reasons.
I voted yes, however, there were some stipulations. I hyphenated hisname-myname because he hyphenated right along with me. I disagree that unless professional reasons preclude it, one should just change to him. I told him if he was so inclined, he could change to my name, but to be honest, I told him I wasn't changing if he wasn't; that I was fine with keeping my name and him keeping his (and when we had children, we'd discuss: they would not just have gotten his name). It was his idea to hyphenate together, because he wanted to have a joint/family name. And almost every reaction we've gotten about it has been completely positive!
I'm a bit of a feminist too, and I'm only changing my name because I hate it and it reminds me of my biodad.
I hate my name but it's mine and has been for a long time, so I saw no reason to give it up. I would have hyphenated if my husand also did, but he didn't want to. We'll fight about the kids' names when they come. :-)
My husband is annoyed I didn't take his name, but since he didn't change his name either, he's got no leg to stand on in arguing it with me.
Am not married yet but right now i definitely don't want to change me last name. If me and my FI decide to have children, I may have to change my last name just for them. But for now I will remain as I am..I don't see a reason why I should change my identity. It should go both ways so if he wants to hyphenate his last name to mine then I'm all for it :)
I am actually EXCITED to change my last name! my current last name is SO hard for people to pronouce! I love his last name! I am totally going to change my last name!!! I would consider putting my last name as my sons middle name if it wasnt so..... hard to pronounce! just to keep it in the family.... but I guess I am a bit of a girlie traditionalist when it comes to this stuff. I really want to name our son if we have one his middle name, which is his dads name, it is so uncommon for our generation.... but i am concerned its going to become popular as a new TV show one of the main characters name,... thats okay! I like it! :)
I changed my name because it was important to my husband but I did keep my last name as well.
None of the above. I'll be changing my name because I want to. Not because it's "traditional" or means we're a real family. I might move my maiden name to my middle because I don't think my middle name is as formal as I would like.
@drainalove: I'm going to and I can't wait to be a MRS! :)
I'm not going to as I'm a veterinarian so I use it professionally. Interestingly enough, both my mom and my FMIL kept their maiden names. FH doesn't care that much, thankfully. I'm sure I'll get called Mrs FH anyway...
@live laugh love: Thank you! Finally someone else excited about it!
I don't like my last name, at all. (it's a family thing, long story)
I was going to change it including my mom but the fee's here and then it might cause a problem with anything she may give me through her passing (we talked about it a lot)
But we decided not to change it because of problems and I am excited to have his last name, not just because I don't like my last name but because I love him and want his last name, would even if I liked my last name. I don't see a problem with changing your last name as others seem to but maybe that's just me.
I can't wait to take on my fiance's last name BUT I love my last name, absolutely LOVE it, and thankfully it's also a first name so I'm dropping my current middle name and making my last name my middle name. So I'll be First Name- Old Last Name - New Last Name :)
Yes I am changing it for a few reasons... I like his last name and I have never loved mine besides I have always loved the idea of being Mr. and Mrs. hahaha but I see nothing wrong with a woman keeping her last name... Like my mom if I were her I would have kept the maiden name LOL!!
Nope. I have my maiden name still. I'll probably hyphenate eventually, but it's a hassle right now with living overseas and the military involved. Our kids, however, will just have DHs name with no hyphen.
I'm keeping mine....I just really really really love my name!!! It's such a part of my identity. I agree with the feminist point of view (though it wasn't my driving reason) but I understand wanting to have a shared family as well (this I brought up with FI and said but that doesn't mean the woman has to automatically be the only one to change it). FI is fine with it, he's known for years lol. The only people who expressed surprise/backlash were FILs... FMIL/FFIL mentioned to FI once (I wasn't there) that they were surprised but its obviously my choice, but FSIL was totally weirded out and kept telling me I had time to change my mind.
I will be changing my last name... but it makes me a little sad. It's very important to my FI and that is the reason that I agreed to it.
I am changing mine because I am honored to be in his family and will use the name with pride. I also love the tradition of it.
(My last name now is of my biological father who divorced my mother while preggers with me and never looked back) So yeah....
I would never change my name. DH actually took my last name - his idea completely!
I don't know why i'm sharing this, but I just saw this on theknot.com! A name changing service to keep you from having to stand in line?
http://www.imamrs.com/Default.aspx
So I am 4 1/2 months out from our wedding, and have been so lazy to change my name (though that is the plan) because of lines to stand in. This service is so tempting and taking my laziness to the next level! :P
I am changing my last name.... but so is FI.
We agreed that we want the same last name and our children to have our (one) last name. But FI's current last name isn't exactly the nicest word for a female to have as her last name. It's actually not supposed to be his last name, as his parent's had to change their last name to avoid genocide in their country before they came to the US. So we both agreed to change both our names to what his last name should have been, aka his real family name.
There need to be more options on the poll! FI is ditching his last name for mine and I'm sticking with my last name.
@lefeymw : Just to clarify, you believe that it's "over the top" not to change? I have a hard time believing that every woman who doesn't change her last name upon marriage will get judged like that. I don't believe in doing something just because it's traditional. Traditions need to make sense to survive. Indentured servitude was traditional for a long time.
I know some people may judge our decision, but they're not the type of people I'd want near my family.
@BayStateBride : Love it!
@csperry2: Same here. I LOVE my name, and I was a little sad thinking I had to give it up. But it is very important to Ffirer me to change it, so I will. I don't hate his name... It will just take time before it feels like mine.
I have no attachment to my last name. I can't wait to change it!
I absolutely did. It was something I have always wanted to do and I don't regret it in the slightest!
I'm going to change it, but if I stay in academia I will use my maiden name for work and publishing related things.
I didn't change mine. I like my name the way it is, DH didn't care either way, and nobody's tried to give us any grief over it.
I'm keeping my last name as I am a professional and I have worked really hard for years to develop name recognition. I also hate the tradition of it. It makes no sense. Some traditions are not worth saving, mearly because they are tradition. I hate that people in this culture think that it is the norm in the rest of the world, when it really is not. It is actually only a small percentage of the world that believes that a woman should automatically change her name when she becomes the partner of another person. We are in the process of deciding what to do about the names of our children. They will likely have both names with his last name as a second middle name and mine as the last name, because he comes from a huge family so there are already many children in our community running around with his last name (his idea). My FI doesn't care in the least, nor do his friends. I wouldn't be marrying him if he was the type of guy who did care.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 52 |
| Brielle | 43 |
| This Time Round | 37 |
| mypinkshoes | 34 |
| his chippymunk | 34 |
| Future Mrs K | 32 |
| Cady | 32 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 32 |
| TheLionQueen | 31 |
| AshleyR83 | 30 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| HappilyEverAfter54 | 2 |
| bestbuddies | 1 |
| Spoonie | 1 |
| Adalita | 1 |
| islandgirl82 | 1 |
Talking about traditions in this country....... How many of you changed your last name to his? I didn't take his last name and he gets teased. Honestly DH dones't care at all and he dind't even argue about it when I told him I was keepig my last name. Other people have told me they didn't want to change it but they did it bc their SO was so upset about it or family members etc. Did you change your name or not? Tell us why you did or didn't ....... :)