Post # 1
Tonight is our LAST session of premarital counseling (yay!)…. but it’s the one I’ve been DREADING. The sex talk. I’m a virgin, the boy is a virgin, and I am SO not looking forward to whatever discussion we are going to have tonight. I’m probably blushing right now just thinking about it. So far our pastor has been really good about making things not super awkward, but I just don’t see how this can be anything BUT awkward. I don’t talk about sex with my friends, let alone with a pastor I’ve only met 5 times.
Any tips on how to keep from being the color of a tomato the whole time? haha
Tell a fun story of being embarrassed during premarital counseling 🙂
I’m sure I’ll have something fun to add after tonight!
Post # 3
Well, when you are both virgins (FI and I are too) some amount of awkwardness and embarassement is gonna happen. And it is better to happen sooner, rather than all happening on the wedding night. So the more you can talk about it now, the better.
Post # 4
I think it’ll probably actually be not that bad! Imagine how awkward it would be if you were NOT virgins! You’re doing right by the rules of the church so at least you have that on your side, right? And I am sure that the pastor has a ton of experience with this and knows how to make it not super awkward.
Post # 5
just remember that your pastor has talked about this with many many couples before and this is not new or weird to him. Of course there will be some level of awkwardness, but I think it helps to remember the person you are speaking to is well rehearsed in these types of topics.
Post # 6
I completely agree w/ CorgiTales. Plus, if you’ve been comfortable with the pastor up to this point, there’s nothing to worry about. Our pastor never actually asked us if we were virgins, or talked about specifics. He just talked about the importance of the wedding night, what it symbolizes, and that we should put God front and center in all aspects of our relationship, including intimacy.
Post # 7
The pastor may also talk with you about family planning. I’m sure you’ll be a-o-k!
P.S. Good for you that you both have waited until marriage! I sometimes wish I would’ve. People could have called me the “Almost 40-year old Virgin”! lol
Post # 8
Remember you can always say you don’t want to talk about something. I mean, I don’t think your pastor will ask you details on the nitty gritty, but if things get too personal, just decline to answer.
Post # 9
Whew soo glad I’m not doing counselling! Couldn’t bare him to say sex and god in the same sentence!
Post # 10
I don’t THINK our counseling will involve this, but since I don’t have my v-card but my fiance does, I dread the idea that it might come up in front of the pastor in counseling…it’ll be okay! Less embarassing/scary that you can both say you’re virgins, in my opinion.
Post # 11
@CorgiTales: yeah ditto this!
Reading the title, I thought this post was going to be about how you have NOT been abstaining… I’m sure it will be not nearly as bad as you think!
Sex is a really important part of marriage, so I think it will be interesting to see what your church has to say/teach about it. Be proud that you’ve upheld your values regarding sex and try not to be embarrassed to talk about it! Good luck!
Post # 12
In our pre-marital counseling material they talk more about how important it is to have kids than about sex. It says it’s important then heads straight for verses about how children are a blessing and we should all be fruitful.
I think I would have rather it talked about sex, since FI and I aren’t planning on having children and I find the whole argument thin and silly. Kids are great but I don’t think that if you don’t want them you’re going against God.
Anyway, I agree with what someone above said. The more you talk about it with your FI the less awkward it will be on the wedding night. I totally get that it’s weird with a pastor there, but I highly doubt he’ll get into any awkward details.
As long as you know your answers for family and birth control and stick to them you should be fine.
Post # 13
Is there an update! Was it as embarrassing as you expected? 🙂
Post # 14
So like yall said, it was definitely not as bad as I had made it out to be. The pastor is a campus minister, so most of the couple’s he’s married are young and just as easily embarassed as myself.
That being said…. He was VERY direct about a few things that I was definitely not expecting to hear from my pastor! Such as, “I’m just going to be practical here for a minute. Make sure you USE the bathroom and clean up after. You WILL get a UTI and it will not be fun.” And then to the boy, “It is quite possible that this is going to be painful, even bloody… she might need a couple days to heal. But hey, use that time to fool around in other ways.” (Thankfully I already knew all that information. The boy did not and was taken aback by hearing it from the pastor haha)
Oh, and then at some point he got on the topic of “Is anything off limits with sex in marriage” and he referred to the book about sex we’re assigned to read saying, “So, I’m pretty sure the book has a mostly ‘anything goes – within reason’ policy. And I agree with that. However, I will say this – just from a health standpoint – anal sex is NOT ok. And yes. I just said anal sex. You are in the pastor’s office and he just said anal sex. You’ll recover from that statement, I promise!”
However the best moment of the entire session was when he was talking about communication. In the middle of a sentence he stops and says, “I had an example…. but now I’ve thought better of it….” We look at him like “Ooookay.” And then, “Well, I guess now that I’ve said that I have to tell you…. Ok. So. I’m a nerd, we all know that, and what I was going to say was there was the one episode of Star Trek where we found out that the guys with the really big ears like to have their ears touched. And nobody would have known that if they hadn’t said anything…. and yeah… that’s why I said I thought better of it.”
So yeah. Glad it’s over. And now I get to look forward to the awkward honeymoon sex haha
Post # 15
@MissMeg: HAHAHA!! I’m dying over here!! Well, it sounds like everything went well and I’m glad you got someone who was able to make jokes!
Post # 16
I’m happy that is over too (and I wasn’t even involved)! I’m glad it wasn’t as bad as what you were expecting. But, for me, I’m a little taken back by how blunt he was…blood, anal sex, etc. WOW! If you don’t mind sharing, what type of pastor/minister was he (i.e. faith)?