Last in line (and not dealing with it well)

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Aww, I think we can all relate to everything you’re feeling! None of my close friends are engaged/married, but that doesn’t stop them from constantly asking when my SO and I are getting engaged (why they ask me this, I will never understand) we’ve been together for 4 years, and just when I think I’m doing well in my wait and I’m happy with where we are at, someone asks me this question and all these negative feelings come flooding in.

Hang in there and just keep reminding yourself how great your partner is and how fulfilling your relationship is. Yes, your friends may be getting engaged and married, but that doesn’t mean their relationships are perfect. Perhaps they lack in certain areas where yours doesn’t and is this something you’d be willing to switch or give up? You’ll get there and it will be when both of you are ready 🙂 stay strong! There’s a lot of women here who can relate! 🙂

Post # 4
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@Roses91:  First of all–WELCOME TO THE HIVE!!  And you too @marie02:  Laughing

Second of all–I feel like you just wrote my life story in your post lol!!!! 

Let’s see here:  Co-worker I went to middle school with just had her first baby a week ago.  Other co-worker and friend who sits 2 cubes in front of me is pregnant with her 3rd, co-worker and friend who sits behind me is pregnant.

Friend of SO’s who’s wedding we went to about a year and a half ago is expecting their first.  My other co-worker and friend just had her son’s chrisenting (6 months y.o.)…

…The very last of my friends who WANTED kids just announced her pregancy…and I wouldn’t even be the slightest bit surprised if SO’s older brother who just got married announces they are expecting a baby at Xmas.  I’m betting that it’s going to happen this way.

You are not alone in your fears, I feel like when it’s finally my turn, will everyone who wanted a ‘baby free affair’ for their special day won’t be able to come unless they can bring their babies!!!! Yell Or even worse, they won’t even care enough to attend!!!!  Undecided

My first advice to you (if you can handle it) is get off Facebook or take a respite.  It helped me a lot to not have to see all of the updates about the women who are pregnant.  My next advice is to just try to remember that life happens for everyone at different paces, and we are all on our own personal journey. 

I like to think of it like this—I felt like I HAD to be married by 30.  It was the deadline a lot of my friends had, and I felt that urge to meet that goal too.  Now I’m realizing one thing—THIS IS SO COOKIE CUTTER that EVERYONE else is doing this formula right now!!  Go to college or just get a job, date around A LOT in your 20s, then meet the right guy, marry and have kids by 30….

I like to think that I’m just going to blaze my own trail and even if my old friends cannot attend due to having babies….just try to make new friends who are couples like yourselves who are not doing things like that. 

It’s best to not compare ourselves to others…I know it’s hard, but if we do, we will never be happy. 

Stay strong and hang in there!!!! 

Post # 5
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i am 32 and DH is 35,  we got married a month ago.  90% of DH’s friends are married and many have had their 1st kid and working their way to 2nd or already there.

everyone was super excited for us to be engaged and then married. 

Post # 7
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Roses91:  I know EXACTLY how you feel. My two best girlfriends married my fiances two best guy friends. They are both my bridesmaids, one of them already has a daughter and is expecting another one (the due date is a WEEK after my wedding). I feel like I was so involved with both of them for their weddings that I expect them to do the same for me, when is the COMPLETE opposite. I can’t even get them to order their bridesmaids dresses. It’s super frustrating especially when I dedicated a lot of time and money to being a great bridesmaid to both of them, and godmother to my friends daughter. I guess I’m just hurt because I expected them to be there more for me for my wedding. 

 

Now I’m worried that one of my best friends isn’t going to even be able to be in my wedding if she has her baby before her due date. So I know exactly how you feel. You just have to remind yourself that your wedding is about you and your fiance….no one else. I know it’s hard becuase you want to share it with everyone you love. 

 

However, since my finance and I have been together for so long (5 1/2 years) and we set up our two best friends I think everyone was super excited for us when we finally got engaged.

 

Thanks for letting me rant a little too, just wanted you to know that you’re not alone

Post # 10
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@Roses91:  For baby showers, it helped me at the recent one to ‘feel’ included by looking up how to make diaper cakes on pintrest and create one.  It was fun to get to play with diapers a bit Tongue Out

And it sounds like you come from an opposite family than mine!!  My family mostly had all their babies YOUNG, everyone is married with kids lol!!!  Myself and my younger brother (5 year younger brother) are the only ones without kids!! OR marriages!  LOL!

Post # 11
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Roses91:  Thank you!! My maid of honor is great, but she actually lives in a different state so it’s kind of hard for her to be here to plan with me. However, shes constatly texting/calling to check in and see how things are going or if there is anything that she can do! 

Post # 13
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@Roses91:  OH no!!  I’m sorry to hear that.  I’m worried about having babies too—I actually have a doc’s appointment set up in two weeks to talk about this.  I have a lot of anxiety and baby showers/announcements have been harder for me than the proposals and weddings too. 

Have you discussed possibly adopting?  SO and I would MUCH prefer to have our own children, but if we cannot, we’ve decided to possibly adopt…..of course, that’ll be way in the future at this point lol.

Post # 14
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Roses91:  Oh man, I’ve been in your position so I know how you feel and where your worry is coming from. Pretty much all but one or two of my friends/acquiantances got married in their 20s, and I just got married at 30. Many of them have also started families. I felt very behind at times… but I just worked on being the best person I could be.

I will tell you this though: If you have the RIGHT people in your life, they will be extremely happy and excited for you 1) when you get engaged and 2) when you get married. They will not be any less happy or excited b/c you’re not into the baby thing yet. I honestly wouldn’t worry about that. Heck, now that I’m in the “club,” I’m happily awaiting some of DH and I’s friends who are in relationships and hope that they get their holiday proposals.

I would just focus on your relationship with your SO and that you are both on the same wavelength and timeline re: engagement and marriage. B/c once that proposal and marriage happens, people WILL be excited for you no matter what your spot in line is.

Post # 16
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@Roses91:  LOL yes it’s fun to be on here and talk to other people about it!  And it’s REALLY nice when seasoned married bees like @MrsNewDay:  and @ajillity81: give good advice to help us along!!! 

My SO and I know we are going to get married and we talk about it…I’ve been having fun looking at the wedding stuff on here and pinning my dream wedding lol!!  This site and pintrest are my two favorite pastimes and I do feel like I have *some* control over the future Cool  

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