Post # 1
Our wedding is this weekend. I’ve had two families cancel on me TODAY. Of course, I have already paid for their food and drinks, and made up the seating chart. I can’t get my money back, and I don’t have time to redo the entire seating chart in the next two days. So for starters, I’m upset about that, particularly since one of the families made up half of the people at my parents’ table — now I either have to redo the whole chart, or leave my parents sitting at a half-empty table.
What’s more upsetting is the reason behind one of the cacellations. The first one is due to a serious illness in an elderly family member, so I totally understand that and I’m not upset at all at them. But the second is my cousin and her family of four (the ones who were supposed to sit with my parents). She is cancelling now because her daughters are in a dance group (they are like 6 and 10 years old) and they have a dance event that day. I don’t think it’s anything special, like a recital that they have been practicing for or anything– it’s just the same dance events they go to all the time. I’m so hurt and angry that she would blow off my wedding–a major family event that I have poured my heart and soul into–for something that seems pretty darn frivolous.
Post # 3
By the way, I haven’t responded to her e-mail yet because I’m too upset to figure out what to say. Any suggestions?
Post # 4
I’m so sorry that they cancelled last minute. Is there anyone that you didn’t get to invite that could come on short notice? We were able to scrape up a few people last minute to come.
Post # 5
@Rhiannon: I would probably be totally passive aggressive and be like, “Just wondering how long you knew about this dance thingl. My day to get in final numbers was XXXX and if I had known about the dance thing, I would have adjusted counts and seating charts accordingly. I hope XXX and XXX have a great time at the dance thing and you will be very missed at the reception.”
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I’d probably be even more PA than hotchild… I wouldn’t say anything at all to your cousin, about this or about anything else. Something like that could probably damn near ruin my relationship with someone.
Post # 7
Wow, I’d be pretty mad about it. Sorry that this is happening to you. I like hotchild’s suggestion for a response.
Post # 8
I love hotchildinthecity’s response! Or, alternatively, you don’t have to say anything. They are the ones who were rude, not you.
We had EIGHT people who had RSVP’d “yes” just not show up to the wedding. Apparently this is very common, one of my bridesmaids told me her brother had 20 people not show up to his. If you look around some of these boards, you will find that other people have had similar things happen to them. Only one of our guests (an older relative who was ill) had a real excuse. The others didn’t even bother with an excuse, or even a note afterwards like “sorry I missed your wedding, X came up at the last minute!” Oh and all the guests who missed the wedding were locals. All the OOT guests managed to buy plane tickets, get hotel rooms and show up.
The most important thing here though is that you can’t take it personally. People are just.. extremely flaky.
Post # 9
Sorry people cant make it.. my mom once told me, “the people who are supposed to be there will be.” Wise words in my opinion. And, I wouldnt worry about the empty seats at your parent’s table. So often at weddings people want to come talk to the bride & groom’s parents- and now there will be seats for those people to sit and chat a bit. Hope you’re able to work it all out…
Post # 10
I’m so sorry!! That really sucks. I know this doesn’t help but this happens to almost everyone.
I understand how you feel, we had people back out at the last minute too for stupid reasons and it’s really annoying. I would totally respond with a PA e-mail. Nobody let me know directly about not coming so I never had that oppurtunity but I would have done it if I’d had the chance.
Post # 11
Im sorry that stinks! We had people cancel last minute too and unfortunately theres not much you can do. Do your parents have anyone else they would like to sit at their table without changing the floorplan too much? Either way, have a great wedding and an early congrats!
Post # 12
Aww, that stinks! I would just shuffle a few folks to your parents table and not worry about the gaps elsewhere. Honestly, you’ll be so busy on the big day, you won’t notice. :o)
We had a few drop out last minute, to go to a U2 concert of all things (i.e., my SO/dad/whoever just surprised me with the tix and I would feel bad letting them down). No biggie– Bono’s great and all, but those folks were bummed when they heard about how much fun all of our guests had! Arancia’s mom had it absolutely right.
Post # 13
And this is why I didn’t bother making a seating chart! I’m already starting to get calls from people who can’t make it (one sadly is my favorite aunt whose MS has flared up so badly that her doctor won’t let her travel)
Take a deep breath, realize it’s your cousin’s loss, and focus on having a wonderful day!
Post # 14
With your parents’ table, could you last minute change the size to a smaller round and make it look like a “special” table?? I dunno, just trying to think outside the box. Failing that, I would just let it be half empty.
We had 9 people cancel the Wednesday before our wedding, we had already written out the seating chart so we just left it as it was. It was kind of the same situation as you where one family had a death in the family and it was totally understandable and we were just sad about it.
But the other was my cousin who decided, without letting us know, to come alone instead of with his family (so three less people) because “something better came up.” Pfft. I just didn’t even say anything. What’s the point when someone is that inconsiderate?
Post # 16
this makes my stomach churn. i think if it were friends then i would probably burn a lot of bridges with my response, but FAMILY! that’s not okay. honestly, i would have my parents respond because it is extremely disrespectful for them not to show. ask your parents who they want at the table and move those people over. holes at other tables is fine, but i wouldn’t want my parents table empty.