Post # 1
FI’s family although close are always in arguments. Since i’ve come into the family i’ve avoided taking sides, they have all treated me well. There is a cousin (in her 40’s) who FI’s immedicate family are not fond of.
We invited her & her DH only (not kids) & after a couple of msgs between cousin & I it was resolved that she would come & DWwould stay home.
Unfortunately cousin’s eldery mother passed away a few days ago. We have gone along & supported the family. But there have been arguments within the family (not FI’s immediate). We’ve stayed out of it.
FSIL is organsiing bus’ & cousin came back to her telling her she won’t be attending the wedding. FSIL told FI. FI told me.
I know there is so much more on their minds right now, but i’m feeling hurt by it. I also don’t know how to handle it.
Do i accept that the drop out was given to FSIL?
Do i call her to confirm? *awakward* ‘
Do i txt her? ‘I heard you will not be able to come, you will be missed’
Final numbers were due yesterday, but now hoping to delay for a few more days.
How would you go about it?
Post # 3
Have you called the cousin to express your sympathy at the loss of her mother? If you phone her, maybe she will raise the issue of the wedding.
Post # 4
@Nic01: I would definitely confirm with her somehow… Even a text saying what you said or something similar with ‘is that the case?’ that might give her a chance to explain. Then leave it at that 🙂
Post # 5
@Nic01: I don’t know all the family arguments/drama, but if it were me, I would just accept that she is not attending the wedding. If her mom just died then I’m sure she is dealing with a lot right now. I don’t think I would take it personally. If you want to text her what you wrote above – sorry you can’t make it, we will miss you – that would be fine.
Post # 6
@julies1949: i haven’t called her, i was there just after she stopped breathing. Within 10 minutes. I was consoling her children as we waited for a doctors to come & do what they do before taking her away.
Post # 7
@Nic01: I would assume that she has dropped out and text her to say you are sorry she will not be able to make but you totally understand why she is no longer attending. And you could perhaps invite her via the text to call you if she would like to talk? I just know that I am not big on talking on the phone so I’d prefer a text in a situation such as this with an option to call them later on my own time when I felt well enough.
If she does decide to change her mind and come then venues normally don’t have a problem adding an additional person on. Mine told me that the ‘final number’ I give them is the the minimum I will be charged for and that it was no problem to add on a few more if I needed to after the deadline.
Post # 8
If it’s just one person, I’d set a place for her anyway. Let her know that you know her mind is elsewhere and that it might not be great timing for her but if she wants to join you, she’s welcome. It only costs a little in the grand scheme of things and despite your past conflicts with the cousin, it could be the most loving gesture anyone makes during her time Of mourning. If she decides she’d like to get out for a bit and celebrate love instead of mourning her loss, you wouldn’t want the catering numbers to be what stops her.
Post # 9
@Horseradish: that is a really lovely though except i’m not willing to spend $150 ‘just in case’ she would like to come.
I’ve just re-looked at the paperwork, & final numbers are actually only due at the end of next week. Bonus.
Side note, her sister & auntie are going. I have a feeling that she simply doesn’t want to face them.
We have a family do tonight for her nephew’s birthday so it will be interestignto see if she is there & if anything comes out of it.
Post # 10
you need to confirm with her whether you make the call/text or your FI.
unfortunately last minute drop outs and no shows are gonna happened.. just gotta learn how to handle it…
we had we had 10 totla that rsvp yes and did not show or cancelled last minute..
some gave reasons, some didn’t give one at all..
just gotta keep it cool
Post # 11
You should always confirm. I would definitely call if this is important to you. It won’t be very awkward if you say “This is what I heard, is it true?” Make sure she knows you understand. Don’t get too down on yourself about it–she’s going through a rough time.
Post # 12
UPDATE – Cousin suprised me & sent me a txt later in the day saying that all that has happened she wishes to spend xmas & the new yr period with her sons & husband. She apologised for not being abel to be there.
I took on the advice from PP’s, thank her for letting me know, she will be missed & if she feeels she needs to get out of the house that day i’ll arrange for there to be a seat for her.
Her response was lovely, thanking me for being so gracious.
So, thank YOU bees, for keeping me grounded!