Post # 1
So… My FI and I are paying for our wedding on our own. My FI’s family wanted to invite a bunch of their friends; we don’t know any single one of them. So, the agreement from the beginning was that if they paid for those friends, then they would be invited because we couldn’t afford them.
Now, 1 month before the wedding, they say that we should pay for them and now they don’t want to pay us ! Worst thing is invitations have gone out already !
I am sooo angry but also I have been so emotional lately with the wedding approaching so fast that I also want to burst out crying. We simply don’t have the money to pay for 25 additional people. Now I don’t what we should do 🙁 Either we tell my FI’s parents that if they don’t pay, then their friends won’t be able to come in; or we figure out how to get the money and pay for them, which I refuse to do because I find it so unfair.
I wanted to vent but also, what would you do ? 🙁
Post # 3
Make them pay for their friends if they won’t then tell them they need to personally uninvite them because they will not be allowed to attend. Personally in the beginning I would have straight up said ‘there not our friends we don’t want people we don’t know at our special day’ but it’s to late for that now.
Post # 5
You have to explain to them that you don’t care if you have to un-invite them, you WILL do it if they don’t pay for them, as you can’t afford it. It’s unfair and an unfortunate situation, but you can’t budge on this one. If your FI’s family don’t come around, call each one of their friends and tell them you had some changes in terms of the venue, you’re really sorry, but they can’t come and you’ll of course return any gift they might have sent already. The important thing is that you deal with this ASAP, better have it done with even though I completely understand that you don’t want to deal with it.
Post # 6
@lovelynners: +1 I would fall apart if this happened to me. FI and I are paying for our wedding all on our own as well. Our budget is super tight and our venue only hold so many people. If our families wanted to add another 25 people, we would have to find a new venue and a lot more money.
Post # 7
If you had a mutual agreement with his parents (which it sounds like you did) then make them pay or make them be the ones to explain to their friends why they are no longer invited.
Post # 8
I would be pissed. Tell them if they won’t pay then they can uninvite their friends. And if they don’t you will. That’s completely unfair.
Post # 9
@LizzyR: Yes, we had an agreement :(. They popped this surprise during last weekend and initially by FI was set on “no money, then they won’t come in”. But now I’m seeing him more doubtful about what to do, especially because invitations have been sent. I am afraid to push him about them not coming and therefore causing troubles between him and his parents. 🙁
Post # 10
Do not feel like you have to own this problem. This is their problem, not yours.
As it is the FIL’s causing the problem, it is up to your FI to talk with them, or the two of you together, not you alone.
They need to be informed in no uncertain terms, that they were aware that they would have to pay for additional guests, and that if they are unable to pay for it now, THEY, NOT YOU, will have to contact these guests and un-invite them. If they don’t do it, the two of you will have to.
We all know it’s rude to rescind an invitation, but this is no reflection on the two of you. It’s all on them.
Post # 11
You and FI (emphasis on FI) need to sit down with his family and explain that there is no way you can pay for those extra people to attend. You only invited them knowing that his family would pay for the cost, and if they don’t want to pay then those people simply cannot attend.
I know it’s bad and totally sucks to univite people, but this is a unique situation. Really his family should be the ones to do it since this is their fault and you don’t even know these people, but I doubt they will agree to make those calls. When you contact those people explain that there was a misunderstanding with the headcount and the venue and sadly some changes had to be made, return gifts, etc. Those people may be pissed or offended, or think that you’re rude, but the small plus side is that you don’t even know them anyways. You’re never going to see most of them again. I can’t see them being totally heartbroken over missing you wedding since they couldn’t pick you out a line up.
Post # 12
I think it’s up to your fiancé to tell his parents that they have 2 options:
1) Fork over the cash
2) Call up all of their guests and tell them they aren’t invited anymore
In no way should this fall to you. Sorry it’s happening!
Post # 13
I would tell them they need to pay up or you would personally uninvite them and that you are not afraid to do so. Give them a little hint that this would not be done politely so they’ll be more unlikely to allow you to uninvite them and probably just pay up.
And don’t worry about what these people think of you because you don’t know them and they are not your friends. You’ll probably never see them aside from this wedding.
Post # 14
Tell them that you can’t afford it, and make it seem like it’s going to be catastrophic if you have to. You budgeted based on their verbal agreement to contribute, and they can’t reneg now, since it will ruin your entire wedding budget. Tell them if they can’t afford to cover their guests now, to let you know which they will be uninviting so you can remove them from the seating chart.
Post # 15
@Pinkmoon: That’s another problem we have. We don’t even know their names/addresses/telephones. We gave my FMIL the blank invitations and she addressed them. So we can’t call them ! 🙁 It’s all up to FMIL to call and univite them, but there’s no way we can know for certain that she will do that, so I am also worried about them showing up at the wedding !
Post # 16
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
I agree with PPs, your FI (or the two of you together) need to sit down with his parents and remind them of their agreement and that you cannot afford to pay for their guests. Either they pay as promised (since it was soo important to have those extras there) or they need to call them and tell them that they cannot be accomodated for the wedding (I have no good wording for this). I’m really sorry they are backpedaling on you.