- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
UGH! This is my biggest pet peeve! I see so many people on here posting with similar stories. I just don't understand how parents get to think that it's THEIR day and they can call all the shots just because they made some contribution. I totally know where you're coming from since we had to turn down some of our own friends too. My mom and MIL both suggested some more people we invite, but never were forceful about it and thankfully both respected our decision when we said there wasn't enough room. I would not let her get away with this. If there's one thing I can't stand it's pushy people.
If I were you, I would have your FI call her and tell her this: Look, this is how it's going to work Mom. We are adults and this is OUR wedding. We are very grateful for your contribution, but due to (budget, size constraints, our own size preference, etc.) thisismystop and I were forced to draw a line in the sand as to who would and would not be able to attend. We realize that you would really like for the neighbors to come and we really wish we could accommodate them, but we just can't! Thisismystop's parents do not have any friends coming. And even our own friends (list names) were not invited due to our tight budget! I'm asking you nicely to please dis-invite them if you have already invited them. If you refuse to do so (DOC, bestman, etc) will be forced to show them the door. Our caterer already has our final count, the exact number of chairs have already been rented, and the seating chart is already made. Please respect our decision and do not put the neighbors in this uncomfortable position of showing up and being turned away. (Or if you don't feel comfortable saying they will be turned away by someone you could say that they will feel unwelcome when they do not have a seating card and there are not enough seats for them and they are forced to stand the whole evening and do not have any food.)
I know what you mean. I do not want her to think she can push us around... I mean, it's OUR wedding!
However, apparently these neighbors have already made plans to come to Florida (they live in Louisiana). I am just wondering if maybe I should just try and figure something out and make it so they can come. I mean, if she refuses to let them know that it is a small wedding, is it really their fault? I guess the neighbors just kind of decided one day they were coming which is rude anyway but anyone in my family would have explained then and there that is not a posiblilty. I just feel like it's her responsiblity...
Is it over-dramatic to feel like this is kind of putting a big dent in our relationship? She always seems to make jabs at me when we go visit them in Lousiana too. It must be hard for moms to "lose" their sons or something because it seems to be such a common problem. Before we were getting married, she was much nicer to me. I had always hoped to get along with my MIL but my feelings are very hurt by this and a few other things she has said to me.
They're coming from out of state? Oh geeze! Well I can see why you feel you kinda just need to make room for them at this point. Maybe you can tell your future in laws that they need to give up their seats and meals since they created this mess! haha Although I am in no way condoning what your FMIL has done here, I could see how it'd be hard to tell them no if they invited themselves. Of course it's hard to tell people no when you're the bride and groom, but you're the ones feeling the pressure financially so that makes it a bit easier to put your foot down!
On a side note, my fiance initially wanted to invite everyone from his church and we already both have large families. However, we wanted a small wedding with less than 100 people, and with everyone from the church it probably would have been more like 300 so we made the hard choice to invite no one from the church except a few lifelong family friends. Then, one lady from chuch came up to us and told us how excited she was for our wedding and asked what colors we wanted our afghan. Ugh, how can you say no to someone who's spending hours and hours making you something?! So we had to invite her even though we wouldn't have otherwise because of the pressure and guilt we would have felt saying no. I think dealing with the guest list of one of the toughest parts of the wedding!
At this point I guess you just have to try to fit them in somewhere. I know it sucks :( How many people are you having per table? We had a small venue and ended up having 10 people at a few of the tables and although it wasn't exactly spacious for them it worked.
As for your FMIL I'd just try to let it go and hope it's like you said, her just feeling like she's losing her son since she seemed nicer before. Hopefully she doesn't continue with the pushy behavior and hurtful comments. If she does maybe you could have your FI try talking to her about it. Good luck!
Yeah, hopefully she will be nicer! Our wedding is 53 people (including the neighbors). We have rectangular family dinner type tables (since it's a restaurant) and it was going to be 6 tables that seated 8 people. Believe it or not, this was pretty tight! Now we are going to have to make our table a longer rectangle so it can seat ten. I realize this could almost fix our problem with the numbers but I am having to leave a one place open at a couple tables due to not having anyone to put there. I don't want anyone uncomfotable sitting by themself with no one that they know! We still need a small table (which was where I was going to put my sister's kids since she told me that they would be fine and love their own table). I could put the neighbors there, but I feel it would be kind of rude... I was thinking about putting his grandmother, her sister, her sister's husband, and his aunt there but I still feel like they could possibly be offended. The only reason I am having trouble with seating his grandmother is because her brother-in-law farts, burps, and sneezes at the dinner table. I don't want to put them with MY sister and her family or something. Weddings are tricky!!!
Ugh, I'm sorry that that's happening. That SUCKS.
Unfortunately, if they really HAVE made plans to come up from Louisiana, then I don't know if there's anything you can do, other than calling them directly and explaining the situation.
I definitely would not want them to be at the wedding. Hello -- it's family only, and here are these weird neighbours of your FMIL that you don't even know. I think it would be awkward for them, too.
Exactly my thoughts! I am thinking that maybe they think it's a big wedding and that it will be a fun party or something... I mean, if they don't know anyone, wouldn't it be awkward for them?!?
Well anyways, I just finished the seating chart and I am happy with it. I had to take my FH's parents from sitting at my mom's table (where she SHOULD be) to sitting at a table with the weird neighbors. Oh well
Thanks for your thoughts guys! I really appreciate it :)
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 52 |
| Brielle | 43 |
| This Time Round | 37 |
| mypinkshoes | 34 |
| his chippymunk | 34 |
| Future Mrs K | 32 |
| Cady | 32 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 32 |
| TheLionQueen | 31 |
| AshleyR83 | 30 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| tenacity | 4 |
| Cady | 4 |
| MsMonkey | 3 |
| imageeksowhat | 3 |
| Ms Flamenco | 3 |
| This Time Round | 3 |
| keepsmiling19 | 2 |
| ChicChick | 2 |
| Sasha2011 | 2 |
| MilksMom | 2 |
Our wedding is supposed to be very small family and VERY close friends only. We have a fairly small budget and felt that this was the best way to do the wedding for us. We are paying for the entire wedding/reception ourselves. My parents helped us a little bit here and there when we needed it but they also don't have much money and have kids that they still need to put through college. My fiance's parents very nicely let us know that they would do the rehearsal dinner and take care of most of the honeymoon! We are very grateful for this kind offer. However, I am a little bit upset with my FMIL. Our wedding is 8/8 and the cutoff date for RSVP was 7/11. I had called everyone on the guest list who did not respond by then and made a seating chart a couple of days later. For anyone who is making a seating chart (a must for us, even with a relatively small wedding), it takes a lot of thought and a couple hours of rearranging people(for me, at least). A few days ago, my FMIL emailed me to also include her neighbors because they WOULD be attending. No one ever asked us if that was okay... I have had to tell even some of my very close friends that I am so sorry but that it is a very small family wedding only. They all understood this! My parents don't even have their close friends coming. My fiance tried to call and ask her if there was a way that she could let them know this kindly but instead she fought with him! She told him that she put enough of her money into the wedding to bring them if she wants (we never asked her for the money even though we are grateful). He never has asked them for anything as long as I have been with him. I just don't understand this. Now I am trying to figure out how to go about this. I have had the suggestion to call the neighbors and explain it to them nicely since she won't but I do not want to start WW3 with my future in-laws. I just want everyone to get along and be happy up until/through the wedding day. It seems like she isn't making much of an effort on our part though. Now I am re-doing the seating chart (which she dislikes that I have one anyway) and I have no idea what to do! I can't seem to make it work with the extra people since it isn't meant for more than what we already have. I already told the caterer that they were coming so I am not going to argue with her about it but I just am not sure how to feel about it...