Post # 1
So our wedding is all paid for, final numbers are in and we’re like 3 days out, everything is non-refundable. In the past 2 days I’ve had 3 people (well one single person and two couples) contact me to say they are no longer coming. Um thanks. You do realise that between your meal, your corkage, your chair cover, your favour, the centrepiece, etc etc that you’ve now just cost me around $80 per person, right, money that’s just going to waste? Not only that but my seating chart is already done and is at the hotel so now there’s going to be empty spots at your table that are just going to look bad, and the placecards have already been dropped off at the hotel to be placed on the tables when they’re setting up so there’s going to be a wide open spot with your name on it.
I’m just wondering, how am I supposed to respond to these people? They’ve all e-mailed me (well one messaged me on facebook). I just have no idea what to say without sounding like a bit of a witch with a B. But at the same time, I am really upset, and “Thanks for letting me know.” just doesn’t seem to cut it! I feel like I’ve just wasted all this time, money and effort on them for nothing, and they don’t even seem to feel guilty about it at all!
If they had a legitimate excuse, sure I understand, like if they or their family member have had something serious happen and in that case I’d offer my condolences and say I understand, that I’m sorry they can’t be there and will be thinking of them, or in the case of a serious illness or injury tell them I hope they get better soon.
But one person got an invitation to a party that they’d rather go to, one couple decided last minute that they’d rather go down to the US and go shopping this weekend, and another couple just messaged me and said “We decided we don’t really feel like getting dressed up and going out this weekend, we just want to stay home and veg, so we won’t be coming.” Um really? One of these couples is FI’s close friend, the other couple is my cousin and her bf, and the last person who decided to go to a party instead is a co-worker.
Post # 3
Ugh, those are some pretty lame excuses. Unfortunately, whenever you are planning a party, you are going to have people bail last minute. I’d just say:
“Bummer you can’t attend – we will miss you!”
And call it good.
Post # 4
Ugh, I am so sorry. I feel your pain. I had a couple of people change to a no 2 days before, no explanation, and then two others cancelled on me the day of.
Personally? I think you have to take the high road. Either a “thanks for letting me know” or possibly just no response. And then try to move on like it never happened after the wedding.
At least, that’s what I’m trying to do. I’m still pissed, though.
Post # 5
I had a few. Nothing you can do but say “thanks for letting me know.”
I was lucky that I owed the venue for a few extra people that was due the day before the wedding, so I was able to just reduce the amount I owed them. I still had 8 no-shows though on top of that (no call/email before or after)…I was more angry about those but I just had to get over it.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
I would give you bad advice if I told you what I would say. Just listen to the PP’s, lol.
Post # 7
@LMD: Ditto, I’d have some unkind words for these people about how they’ve shown me clearly their lack of interest or care for me or our friendship and thanks for letting me know.
Post # 8
“Sorry you won’t be able to join us”
Post # 9
“I am sorry you can’t make it. Thanks for letting me know”
If they gave you a reason such as a family emergency, this is the time to give your condolences. “So sorry to hear your aunt is sick.”
Post # 10
I would also give you bad advice. Listen to everyone else.
Post # 11
Oh yeah, and leave the name cards out. It’s kind of like public shaming.
Post # 12
@thenewmrsmax: I’ve already contacted the hotel and they said they’re not willing to look through all the place cards to pull those people out. I don’t really have time to make the round trip drive, wait around for someone to find me the place cards and do it myself, and I definitely won’t have time on the day of, our schedule is super tight. We won’t even be able to do all the photos we want.
Post # 13
+agreed. Don’t go to efforts to remove their name tags or bother with stuff like that at this point.
Perhaps you could contact your vendor and see if they would take off the meals, even though it’s past the date?
As others have said, just thank them for letting you know and carry on.
That is insanely rude on their part though.
Post # 14
@futuremrste: Personally, I would consider my association with these rude, inconsiderate boors over. No need to respond at all.
Post # 15
This happened to me. A few days before the wedding, I got an email telling me that it would be too much of a pain to come to my wedding. Yes, it was in a different state, but she knew that when she RSVPed. We counted on getting fewer yeses because of the distance. She said she’d looked online and the drive was just too far. I don’t understand why she couldn’t have done that before she RSVPed. Heck, our save the date announced the city and state too. Had it been a real excuse, I would have understood. But since it wasn’t, I’ve had no contact with her since. That’s probably not the right thing, but oh well. Luckily, I had a seating chart that I could move around, so we were able to switch around the tables. But that doesn’t count the food, etc., that I’d already paid for (plus time I’d spent making certain arrangements to keep her child occupied, and of course no card was sent).
Post # 16
@RedPandas: Tried that too, they said no, once the guaranteed numbers are in (which were due yesterday morning) and the final payment is made (which was at noon yesterday), no changes are allowed. They also aren’t willing to box up the meals, in case they don’t get stored properly and whoever eats them gets sick.
One dessert at least won’t be going to waste, though. The hotel said they’d be fine setting it aside for one of my guests warned me well ahead of time that she would love to come, but has to work from 4-8, so she’s coming to the ceremony, then going straight to work, then coming after dinner for the party. So we’ll put one dessert aside for her to eat when she gets there. (It’s a chilled dessert so leaving it in their fridge for an extra 1/2 hour or so won’t cause any issues).