Post # 1
I had my son when I was quite young, and my boyfriend at the time and I decided to hyphenate his name so it’s my last name-his last name. I regret this decision, as my son’s last name is very long and hard for him to spell. Never mind the other hassles that come with having a hyphenated name!
Now my struggle is that I’m getting married to someone else, and I’m torn over the last name debate. I can’t give up my last name entirely as long as my son has it, but he says he doesn’t want to drop any of his last names. I’m not even sure if I’d want to, given that my last name is part of my identity and I do like having the name in common with my son.
I like the idea of taking my husband’s last name though, but can’t say I’d be thrilled about having a hyphenated name either. I feel as though my son will want to drop one of his names as he gets older so I guess I could hyphenate and drop my maiden name at that time if I choose to…Such a tough decision!
My fiancé is set against hyphenating our future kids names, so at least I would have a name in common with them as well. Although it would make me a little sad to share their name and not my first sons, if he ever did drop it!
Sorry for the rambling post, I’m just thinking of the options as I write! Would really appreciate some ideas/input 🙂
Post # 2
Someone I know was in a similar situation. Her older child had her last name, younger one had her DH’s (DH was the second child’s father but not the first child’s). She chose to hyphenate and has a long, hard to spell last name so that she’d “match” both her kids, and they refer to themselves collectively as the Smith-Jones family, rather than the Jones family and Kiddo Smith.
Post # 3
You don’t mention whether or not your son still has a relationship with his birth father, but if he doesn’t it’s likely he’ll choose your last name over his since it’s first in the order and you raised him. If this is correct I would hyphenate so you have both names.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
If your son is happy with his name and wants to keep it then leave his alone. I would ask him how he feels about you changing your name to your new husband’s name but ultimately if he didn’t agree I would still change my name. Yes, he will at times feel left out (cards would come to my house addressed to “The Smith Family” and I was the only person in the house with a different last name.) But ultimately my mom changing her name solified her bond with my stepdad and their child (my half sister.) I will always be my mom’s child no matter what name I have and even though I had a different last name I was never treated like a second class child in the family.
Post # 5
If i were in your situation I’d hyphenate. That way you’ll share a name with your son and with your future children.
Post # 6
Thanks for the comments. My son does have a relationship with his father and his father is adamant that he keeps his last name. I don’t care either way, although it would be weird to share a name with my future kids but not my oldest.
I really hate the thought of hyphenating my name, but that’s the option I’m leaning towards right now so I will have the best of both worlds. I guess I could make my maiden name a middle name, but then technically I’m not sharing a last name with my son either.
I wonder if legally I could hyphenate my name and just use my married name, and use my maiden name professionally? My maiden name is always hard for people to spell but it’s unique and I’ve built my professional reputation on it.
Post # 7
Have you considered having your husband change his last name to your maiden name? That’s really the only way to have a common name for all of you (you, fiance, current son, plus any future kids) – since a shared last name with your other family members seems to be something you’re hoping to achieve. I haven’t changed my name and my husband is probably going to take my name when we have a child so that we can have a shared name. It’s still a little unusual, but it’s becoming more common!
Post # 8
Thanks, but that wouldn’t work as he has a kid himself and he has his last name! Such a tough one!