Last name dilemma

posted 3 years ago in Names
Post # 2
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Someone I know was in a similar situation. Her older child had her last name, younger one had her DH’s (DH was the second child’s father but not the first child’s). She chose to hyphenate and has a long, hard to spell last name so that she’d “match” both her kids, and they refer to themselves collectively as the Smith-Jones family, rather than the Jones family and Kiddo Smith.

Post # 3
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

You don’t mention whether or not your son still has a relationship with his birth father, but if he doesn’t it’s likely he’ll choose your last name over his since it’s first in the order and you raised him. If this is correct I would hyphenate so you have both names. 

Post # 4
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

If your son is happy with his name and wants to keep it then leave his alone.  I would ask him how he feels about you changing your name to your new husband’s name but ultimately if he didn’t agree I would still change my name.  Yes, he will at times feel left out (cards would come to my house addressed to “The Smith Family” and I was the only person in the house with a different last name.)  But ultimately my mom changing her name solified her bond with my stepdad and their child (my half sister.)  I will always be my mom’s child no matter what name I have and even though I had a different last name I was never treated like a second class child in the family.

Post # 5
5160 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

If i were in your situation I’d hyphenate.  That way you’ll share a name with your son and with your future children.  

Post # 7
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Have you considered having your husband change his last name to your maiden name? That’s really the only way to have a common name for all of you (you, fiance, current son, plus any future kids) – since a shared last name with your other family members seems to be something you’re hoping to achieve. I haven’t changed my name and my husband is probably going to take my name when we have a child so that we can have a shared name. It’s still a little unusual, but it’s becoming more common!

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