Post # 1
Well, yesterday I just crumbled.
I signed up to WeddingBee so that SO didn’t have to constantly be privy to my thoughts, my waiting and my tears on occasion.
Yesterday I looked at the proposals thread on here, so happy for everyone I read about … but then I burst into tears like a petulant child. It reminded me that I’m still waiting, and I spent the whole evening feeling pretty down. I couldn’t hide it from SO, who asked me what was wrong, and I poured my heart out … yet again.
The trouble is that we’ve talked about it so many times that he no longer knows what to say to console me. I know it’s happening, he’s told me so.
I just wish it could be my turn soon, nothing has ever felt so right in my life.
I don’t know what to do and I feel a bit lost.
Post # 3
What is holding up the proposal? I know many guys want to wait for various reasons. I’m of the opinion that once someone is crying and miserable over it it’s probably time to just do it already before the fun and joy gets sucked out of it.
Post # 4
@KatyElle: It’s a good reason – many good reasons … we’ve not been together long, just about a year. Also, his last relationship resulted in an engagement he’d trapped himself into doing because he’d mentioned it once to her when she was upset and she never let him forget it (also very physically and mentally abusive to him). He was pretty much manipulated into proposing to someone he thought he loved. He’s scared of us turning into another that … he doesn’t want to rush anything for fear it follows the same path. He wants us both to be mature enough to handle it first.
Part of me’s really frustrated that his younger, naive sister (she’s 19) got engaged in December. It’s not a race I know, but was a bit of a bitter pill to swallow. Worst of all, she’s one of my best friends. I am happy for her, of course, and her FI ( 🙁 …) is lovely.
And really … the way I’m feeling shows I’m not really mature enough, but doesn’t make it any less painful to wait.
Post # 5
I don’t think your feelings show that you aren’t mature. I think most women, regardless of age, often have these exact same emotions when they are waiting, or when they see family and friends around them receiving proposals. Don’t be jealous of his 19 year old sister. That’s way too young to be married (IMHO) and studies show that the older you are and the more education you have under your belt when you are married greatly reduces the likelihood of divorce.
You say you have been together for less than a year, and I can see why he is holding off on a proposal. If he felt forced by his ex-fiancee, that means you are walking a very fine line by bringing a proposal up wit him. The people who I know who have gotten engaged soon after dating did it mutually because they just “knew.” That obviously is not the case for most people who take time to learn about their partner, save money, and make future plans together. Some women on these boards have been waiting four, five, six or more years for a proposal. Don’t try to force or rush things. Honestly, you are still in the “honeymoon” stage of your relationship and you should enjoy being together and slowly getting know each other. Let it come in its own time. Try to relax and find something in your life to focus on that’s not wedding-related.
Post # 7
@shirasagi: I 100% agree!
OP- enjoy your budding relationship with your SO and try to step back from worrying about marriage. Get to know your partner and continue to fall in love with him. Be good to yourself and focus on your goals. It sounds like you have a positive relationship to build a firm foundation on.
Post # 8
I think your boy has had a tough time in the past with relationships and felt forced into an engagement before. Not saying it wont happen soon, but I tihnk you probably need to have some discussion on where everything is going, what is an acceptable time frame for you both, and whether or not you want to live togehter first.
Good luck – dont stres on the bad days, we all have them.
Post # 9
I agree with everyone so far. Your relationship is still young, and plus it sounds like he’s been pretty burned in the past. I had bad waiting days too. I think we all do. Just try to stay focused on building your relationship and keep your head up knowing that it will happen. Better to know that he wants to get married eventually than to know that he’s ‘not sure he wants to’ or something like that.