Last of my family name

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

How about your last name being the kid’s middle name?

Post # 5
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m in the same position.  My last name doesn’t have a long history (it was essentially created at Ellis Island to sound less ethnic but in reality created something really unique) but I’m related to everyone that has it as far as I know.  I’ve always had to spell it/pronounce it for people and love it for that reason.

My fiance doesn’t have any attachment to his last name and plenty of male cousins to carry it on.  We talked jokingly when we first started dating about him taking my last name, but after 3 years of the military (ROTC) he is used to identifying with his last name now and can’t see changing it. 

Sigh though.  I’m keeping my last name and we aren’t looking to have kids until his military commitment is up, so we can revisit it then.

Post # 6
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@gm234:  Well he might hvae to compromise on the whole “the middle names are my grandparents names”. He gets the last name, what about your side of this?

My grandparents had all girls, as far as I know the last name will die with my Grandmother. I think it’s pretty sad honestly so I get you!!

Post # 7
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@gm234:  If you’re keeping your last name then why don’t you just give your kids a hyphenated last name? It seems like this is the perfect solution, why shouldn’t you get to carry on your last name? 

Post # 8
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@gm234:  Can the baby use both last names w/or w/out a hyphen? I have 2 aunt’s who have done this with their boys & my uncle & his exwife gave their daughter both last names since the mom was a doctor & not changing her name. Or baby could have 2 middle names Baby GrandparentsName MomsLastName DadsLastName?  My sister has two middle names and it works just fine for her. I think there’s a compromise to be reached. 

Post # 9
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@gm234:  I was in your exact position.  I kept my family last name.  My son has my family last name and his father’s family last name as his 2nd middle name.  Example: Carter Jacob Smith Armstrong (where SMith is Dad’s last name and Armstrong is Mother’s last name).  Some people are very traditional and will try to make you feel selfish for doing this. You are not selfish, it is perfectly reasonable to want to keep your family name going.  You and your (to be) husband will be a family regardless of the last names you share or do not share. Do not let anyone tell you differently.

As for the conversation, try to be unemotional and gentle about it.  He may be completely taken for surprise.  Don’t be surprised if he outright rejects the idea but then later comes around to the thought of compromising.  He may say it is hurtful to him or not fair, but isn’t it also unfair to you the other way?  I definitely think there is room for compromise 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Oh and if you ever want to talk or want to hear more detailed story, go ahead and PM 🙂

Post # 12
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I know someone who named all 4 of her daughters with 2 middles names (their middle name + her maiden name). Either he should compromise on his grandparents names as middle names or you should find a way to incorporate your last name since it’s sentimental.

Post # 13
Member
1969 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Speaking as a child whose mother made this very same decison, I hated it as a kid.  I’m not saying that this is the wrong thing to do for your family, just sharing my personal experience.  As a young child, I was aware that most kids take their father’s last name, so it made me feel wierd not to share a last name with my father and his family.  I actually made such a big stink about it that my parents changed my last name to my father’s last name when I was 7.  Then the next school year, I had to explain why my last name changed to all of my curious classmates.  My last name was the cause of much stress in my early years, but I’m sure this can’t be typical.  

I think you have great reasons for wanting to do this, and I’m sure you’ll do a great job at explaining to your future child how important the name is to you, and all of the family history behind it.  So, your kid probably won’t have the same issue as I did.  

Post # 14
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Sure, its totally reasonable. Plenty of other countries/cultures where women never change their name and double barrel their kids names.

Post # 15
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Plus I know tons of single moms who’s child has their name only. Especially in this day and age w so many divorces- I mean I grew up being the only person in my family with my last name and I never felt like less of a family.

Post # 16
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee

@gm234:  we are making future kids middle names, my last name and SOs last name

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors