Post # 1
All of my friends have gotten engaged/married in the past 2 years. All of them being together for less time that my SO and I. I know everyone is on their own terms and length of time together doesn’t really matter but it almost feels like I keep getting passed up. Anyways, I’m very happy for all of them but my question is…
Will they be happy for me when it’s my turn? I feel like if it happens, let’s say a year from now, I’m afraid they’ll all have the “been there done that” mentality. Right now they are all going through newlywed and engagement excitement TOGETHER and it’s all fresh and new for them. I guess I feel like they’ll be “over it” by the time it’s my turn and they won’t have the same excitement for me. I know it’s really stupid to feel this way but I can’t help it.
Also my SO and I have been together for over 7 years so I’m worried all the family and friends will be more “It’s about time!” and “Finally!” than actually excited.
I can just see all of my friends having babies by the time I get engaged and just not being as into it.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not wanting to get engaged just for all the oohs and aaahhhs but I can’t be the only one who’s excited for the “I’m so happy for you!”s
I don’t know, this probably sounds petty, but I’m just having kind of a down moment. :-/
Post # 3
@VaVaVoomBee: Maaaaybe they’ll be EXTRA excited because they haven’t had anything to do with a wedding by that time! (I’m not saying it’s going to be ages, but I just mean based off of your worry that it’ll be years and they won’t be into it.) They’ll be like, “Ohhh, I remember planning my wedding! I’m so jealous that you get to do it now, it was so much fun!” And then you’ll get tons of unsolicited advice about how you should / shouldn’t do it based on how their own weddings went! But I bet they’ll be part of it. And if they’re not, it’s entirely possible that at that point you’ll have different friends because of life’s natural progressions and you’ll be the first to get married among them, or they’ll be different types of people and THEY will be totally into it!
Post # 4
@VaVaVoomBee: If they’re your true friends, they will be excited for you. Don’t worry! Plus, you know the saying, save the best for last. 🙂
Post # 5
Thanks ladies! That’s very encouraging 🙂 I’m new to the bee and a little worried about being criticized over my *rants*
Post # 6
@VaVaVoomBee: I always say, ” save the best for last”
as a matter of fact, people Will remember more of your wedding because of the time:)
Post # 7
@VaVaVoomBee: Ha! Trust me, that is one of the most tame and rational “rants” I’ve ever seen on here. You’re good.
First of all, welcome to the Bee!
To answer your question, I think you have a legitimate concern that some people might give you the “been there, done that attitude.” I see it with my friends having kids: the new moms will be nervous or excited about something and a mom with one or two kids will scoff “oh, I remember when *I* used to worry about stuff like that….” etc, kind of raining on their parade when they only have one kid themselves and arent exactly what I’d call parenting “experts.”
But my thought is, who cares? If someone has that big of a superiority insecurity/complex that they’d try to dumb down someone elses excitement, they arent someone I’d pay much mind to.
Post # 8
I am the last of my friends to get engaged and all but a couple of my friends have babies now! They’re all still excited for me and most are even joining me at my b-party (husbands are watching the kids for a night!).
If they are your friends, they’ll be excited no matter what!
Post # 9
Not only were all my college friends married before I was, the 4 of them had had 18 children and some were in high school by the time I got ENGAGED. People follow different paths in life. It’s not a contest.
Post # 10
@VaVaVoomBee: If they are true and decent friends they will be genuinely excited for you no matter what.
Post # 11
I love the bee! You ladies are so supportive!
@Scar cas tic – Thanks! 🙂 I think you’re right about that. Even though right now they are all enjoying this new exciting time together, it’s hard to keep so many details together and I’m sure it’s hard for them to focus on their own wedding and like 5 others at the same time.
@badabing88 – YES! That’s exactly the attitude I’m afraid I’ll get. But, good point, who cares? If they’re that “high and mighty” about engagements/marriage/babies by then well it’s a problem of theirs not mine.
@Lori2026 – I’m so glad to hear it! That was another concern I had… new moms being to busy for that stuff. I’m glad it worked out for you 🙂
@oneofthesethings – You’re absolutely right. Once in a while I need someone to bring me back to reality and not compare my relationship to others. And it sounds like you’re a very patient bee!!
Post # 12
@sillysillybee – You’re right. I need to remind myself of that more often!
Post # 13
@VaVaVoomBee: 1st off: you have to be prepared for some “finally” comments. I’m almost 6 years with SO, and I know those comments will come my way. Just try and think of it as they knew you guys were meant to be for years now and happy you guys are “finally” engaged. They wouldn’t say finally if they thought you weren’t a good match, right?
I think some of your friends may have the “been there done that” attitude, but maybe it’s a better idea to get married when everyone else isn’t. If you have 5 friends getting married in the same summer, yours maybe get forgotten in the mix of it all. Atleast now yours will stand out as possibly the one wedding around that time
Post # 14
@memo – That’s a great way to think of it. I’ve always thought of the “finally” reaction to mean they’re not excited because it was supposed to happen a long time ago or something and I’m some kind of weirdo for waiting so long. But I like the “they knew you were meant to be” approach 🙂 I know people intend well when they say things like “finally” and “it’s about time”
Also, I wouldn’t want my wedding to get lost in the mix! I guess that is kind of what’s happening with my other friends. They’re all supportive of each other but sometimes you can tell deep down they’re just comparing everything to their plans and focusing on their wedding. Which is understanable, I’m sure it’s difficult not to do that.
Post # 15
@VaVaVoomBee: I’m married and was among the first (and only) of my close friends. If it makes you feel better, I can’t wait for them to start getting engaged so we can have fun! My friends with children or who have been married already were all still excited for me. At the end of the day though, no one (single, married, engaged, with or without children) will be as excited as you are about your wedding.
Post # 16
My Fiance and I dated for 6 years before getting engaged. Our parents were excited for us and friends, but no one was “THRILLED” I mean, it will be exciting for you when it happens! And that’s all that matters!