Post # 1
Just a random poll to ask all you lovely bee’s;
How many of the people you know who were married between the ages of 20-25 last to this day?
I realise the results will be hard to interperet, so I thought maybe rough percentages would be easier!
This question stems from a comment another insightful bee made on my last post, about family acting “luke-warm” to our engagement and impending nuptuals, possibly due to my age.
I also have noted a great number of people my age getting engaged for “funsies” recently. You know the ones, they “propose” just to appease, with no wedding date in sight, or they continue to break up make up over and over again, with no wedding plans, its just a pointless gesture… Or those who just do it to “take the next step” without actually intending to or realising the commitment involved in that “next step”!
Post # 3
My parents married when my Mum was 20 and my dad was 37 (big age gap I know!). Thirty years later they’re still going strong. They were engaged after ten months and married in another seven. It really helped me to realise that though the social norm is to wait till your late twenties/early thirties, date for at least four years and then discuss engagement, sometimes life doesn’t work that way. I met FI when I was 19 and he was 22. We were engaged within a year and moved in a month later. It works for us. I like to think we’ll be one of the ones that lasts.
That being said, there are lots of people my age who are ‘engaged’. They have no actual intention to marry, break on and off a lot and argue constantly. A friend of mine was engaged to a man for several years until he sadly died, but within six months she was engaged to a woman. She’s now been with her for a few years and again, on and off constantly, arguments all the time, and no intention to marry. It makes me sad.
So I’m going to vote pretty low. Twenty percent, I guess. I like to think that out of ten young marriages, at least two would be able to last.
Post # 4
@FutureMrsHallam: I’m not sure how representative I am because (a) I’m an older bee (late 40s) and (b) I’m mostly thinking of people in my church, but from the ones I can think of, I think about 70-75% (20 out of 26) are still together after 20+ years (or were togther until one died).
Post # 5
My answer was 100%, but I know that is not indicative of the larger trends. Most of my family/Family friends got married in the 20-25 age range, and all of them are together. FI’s family had a few teen marriages (which I did not include because they weren’t in the age range) but, only one of them is now divorced. People our age who are married aren’t out of, or far enough out of, the age range to really give an accurate response. Most of them have only been married 1-4 years but, there has been nothing yet. So, somehow I know people who got married after 25 who are divorced, and before 20 who are divorced, but none in between! Totally weird, I know.
Post # 6
As I sat here making lists in my head of about 20 couples I know who married that young, the number of those who are still married only ever so slightly outweighed the number of those who have divorced, so just to be on the safe side, I voted that 60 percent are still together (though it was actually closer to 50 percent.)
Post # 7
@ZebraPrintMe: That’s so amazing! 🙂 My parnets are both double divorcees, so no luck there, but FI’s nan and late pa met when she was 17, he 18 (exactly the same as FI and I) They were engaged when she was 20, he 21 (exactly the same as FI and I…) and married when she was 21 and he 22 (EXACTLY the same as FI and I…!)
Oh, and we only found this out after we were engaged and had a date!
I think it’s fate to be honest 😉 my grandpa also met my late grandmother when they were 17 and 20, and he told me they were going to be married in October, when she was 22 and he 25 I think, but he moved the date up to April (he did this in DECEMBER) because he just wanted to marry her before she turned 22! He is so schweet!
However on the flip side I also know people like you described 😉 Makes people not believe in young love!
Post # 8
@paula1248: That’s very heartning to hear! 😀
@Follydust321: That is odd, but maybe that means we’re in the perfect range? 😉
@Brielle: Quite a different answer, but this is what I want, a real representation 🙂 I know the divorce rate is so high, and older couples (that I know) seem to always make out its because of young marriage, Id like to get to the bottom of that!
Post # 9
All the ones I know who married in their early 20s (or earlier) are still together. Most of my parents’ generation that I know got married in late 20s, or later so this percentage is from my friends and family of my generation. The longest so far has been 13 years, my cousin got married a few months before she turned 21, and they are still very happily married. Her younger sister got married when she was 23 and they are still married 4 years later. My friends who are married have been married for between 1 and 5 years, all still married.
Post # 10
@FutureMrsHallam: Well, if it helps to know, I am older and was trying to think back to all of the couples I know who married in the age frame about which you asked, and I’m looking at this over a period of 20-25 years. Some of those who are divorced have now been divorced twice.
It’s pretty disheartening to know that almost half of the couples I can think of who married back then are no longer together.
Post # 11
@FutureMrsHallam: I voted that I love pandas…isn’t it obvious? 😀
Seriously though, I was engaged in my teens but I wasn’t legally allowed to get married (thank god). I kept putting it off because I had to graduate high school, university, grad school, find a job, etc. He just wasn’t the right person and I wasn’t in my right frame of mind. I changed so much from the time I was 20 to now (and I’m only nearly 26).
For me, marriage wouldn’t have worked until at least 25 because I needed to find out who I was, what I wanted, and what I didn’t want. I thought I knew all of that at 20, but I didn’t. With my husband, I knew it was right because we got engaged in 3 months and married within a year – no excuses, nothing that had to be done first, we just wanted it.
Everyone is different, but I’d never get married so early. It is a very humbling experience to grow up and realize that you knew nothing 😛 I won’t change much at this point in terms of morals, values, and ideals about marriage. I may change jobs or take another course but the fundamentals have been set. It’s important to wait for that.
Post # 12
@Brielle: It is a little disheartening, but at the same time no one knows our relationship like we do, and only a couple can really determine if they can stand the test of time 🙂 (I think we will, obviously hehe :P)
Post # 13
@FutureMrsHallam: my FI’s parents have been together over 30 years. My mom and dad were together for 14 years before my dad passed away. All but one cousin from FI’s side are still married. All his aunts and uncles have been married for 10 plus years.
However, I feel that couples now go into the marriage thinking that if it doesn’t work out they will just get divorced, and it shouldn’t be that way.
You should be in it for the long haul and if there is a problem you fix it not run to the divorce lawyer
Post # 14
I don’t know many people who were married at a young age, and almost everyone I can think of who was is divorced. My grandparents married at 24 and were together until my grandpa passed away. DH’s dad’s parents are still married, though I have no idea how old they were when they got married (but some quick estimated math says around 22-23, I think).
Post # 15
my mother’s parents were married for 50 years- they got married at 20, after dating for like, 8 years. my parents have been married 29 years- they got married at 21 and 20, after being together for 4 years. my dad’s brother got married at 23 (?) and he and his wife celebrate 20 years next month.
in contrast, i know couples who got married after 40, and have been together 20 years and are happy as they were on day one. and couples who were married at 20/21 and were divorced within a year. and everything in between.
i don’t think marriage longevity has anything to do with age. i think it has to do with committment, and effort to make things last. i think it has to do with a lot of factors. age isn’t one of them, in my opinion.
Post # 16
100%! But then again noone I’m close to has gotten divorced, just doesn’t happen here thankfully!