Post # 1
I was asked recently to be a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding this fall. We’ve been friends for a VERY long time, but we had a rough patch right when she was getting engaged and choosing bridesmaids, so she didn’t ask me. Months later, when things fell through with some of her BMs, she asked me.
They had already chosen the dress – one which I think is really too expensive.
My own wedding is in a few weeks, and due to some recent events, money is REALLY tight for us. I’m even pulling back many things about my own wedding. One problem about her request is the price of the dress. If I had been involved from the beginning, I would’ve been upfront about how much I could spend. Now we’re talking $100 over what I think is a reasonable amount to spend on a BM dress, plus the usual bridesmaids expenses – shower, gifts, etc.
Can anyone recommend how to proceed? Should I give her my dress budget and see if she can help me out? I feel really guilty, since I’m having my own wedding soon, and we know that includes more than enough frivolous purchases (flowers and desserts, as examples). But I don’t think I should have to pull back on my wedding just for hers, especially because I was asked months later.
Help! She’s a really good friend and I can’t imagine not being up there with her.
Post # 3
I’m guessing you are getting married before her… Is there a way to ask her if you can pay for the dress after your wedding? Explain that money is tight and after the wedding you will be able to pay her back.
Post # 4
IMHO I would just kindly tell her that you would love to be a part of her special day, but due to money constraints, as well as your own upcoming wedding, you are unable to afford the prechosen dress. She should understand, especially since she is asking you so late in the game. Good luck
Post # 5
@arametta127: +1 it would take the pressure off with discussing your budget and finding a way to make it work, etc.
Post # 6
I agree with the others, I think you should talk to her about it. I do not think its is fair to sacrifice your own wedding when she asked you months later.
Post # 7
I agree with pp about declining to be in the wedding, but if you do want to stay in the wedding and have to say something about the budget, I wouldn’t feel too bad considering she wouldn’t have asked you had another girl not dropped out. Ask if she could help pay for it and you can pay her back in installments? My parents who are funding my wedding offered to pay for the three BM dresses and they can pay them back as they can.
Post # 8
@arametta127: I agree. Just be up front about it.
Post # 9
I agree about the installments. However, part of the problem is that the dress is just too expensive. On principle, I NEVER spend that much on a dress aside from my own wedding dress. Again, if I was asked in the beginning, I would’ve told her that $___ is the amount I can spend, and then we’d start the process of looking for the right dresses. I just don’t make enough money to EVER justify spending that type of money on a dress – especially one I’ll never wear again. Marriage, moving in, starting a life together – that’s where all my money will be over the next year (or, really, forever!).
Would it be OK to tell her “I can spend $___ on the dress” to see if she can pay for the remainder?
Post # 10
I’m in the exact same situation! And yes, I think asking her to pay the balance for the dress is fine. She asked you late, and she needs to be respectful of your budget. Otherwise, can you be a bridesmaid but just not have the matching dress? I know most matchy-matchy brides wouldn’t go for that, though.
Post # 11
I would just say that you would really love to be a part of the wedding but can’t really afford the dress. Any friend would understand that and would either figure a way out ot get you the dress or figure out a way for you to be a part of the wedding. OR at least that’s what I would try to do.
Post # 12
@ireterra: I undertand where you are coming from, but I think the best thing to do at this point is to just step down. You have to keep in mind that she is paying for a wedding as well. You said money is tight becuase you are paying for your wedding. Do you really want to turn around and ask her for money knowing she is probably in the same boat?
Plus even if you get her to pay for part of the dress, you still have shoes, gifts, accessories and so on.