Post # 1
I am in a pickle.. and it is my own doing. Our Rehearsal Dinner is tomorrow night, and Fiance and I are having a bit of an issue. Background: my entire family traveled in from out of state for the wedding… and a lot of people showed up today and had dinner at our place. It was the first time for Fiance to meet a few of them, and ( surprise!) my cousin brings his GF!
Here is the issue: Fiance confronts me after everyone leaves and is pretty upset that 1) my entire fam will be at the Rehearsal Dinner and it is not a ” family reunion” 2) A lot of his family won;t be there for various reasons that are uncontrollable 3) the ” talk” around the dinner table tonight was all catching up with relatives and not so much getting to Fiance and I together, our story, etc…
Tomorrow night is the RD– and there will be about 50-55 people there with about 30-33 being actual ” wedding party” and others being Out of Town guests. Problem is– Fiance feels like this intimate moment before the wedding is being spoiled by aunt / uncles/ cousins/ SO’s of people he doesn’t even know.
What would you do? Any suggestions?
I feel awful! I am such a people pleaser that I said ” yes” to everyone and did not even think that he would have an issue with the amount. We discussed it here and there, but I think seeing everyone tonight gave him a precursor for what tomorrow could be!
Here are my thoughts:
*I can ( as gently as possble) spread the word that the dinner HAS to be bridal party only due to a mix up with the restaurant
*Try and contact some of his aunts/uncles he is close with and see if they can make it so he feels more support
orrr.. if all else fails…
Just go with it and see how it all turns out?
I HATE having this looming over my head when I feel like we should not be worrying about this right now!
Post # 3
please don’t worry about it. just enjoy the day and enjoy having your family around. with a lot of Out of Town guests there’s bound to be some catch up. weddings are family events. enjoy it.
Post # 4
@mypinkshoes: I’m trying 🙁 I hate him being upset, and it is just keeping me up right now trying to think of a way to turn our ” big fat rehearsal dinner” into an intimate affair with just the bridal party without ruffling too many feathers.
One thought I had was, at the restaurant, there are two rooms separated by glass doors and we have both rooms.. maybe keeping all but 1 door closed and put extended fam/OOT friends in one area and bridal party/family in another. That way it kind of breaks up the noise and makes it feel smaller?
Post # 5
I would think that the talk tonight was centered around catching up because it was the first time everyone had seen each other, but tomorrow will be a more “couple-centered” atmosphere. So there will probably be a much larger focus on you two as a couple. But anyway, when you go to eat you can sit by those you feel closest to… it can still feel intimate even if there are tons of people there.
Attempting to invite others may be hard at the last minute, and may even be seen as being rude (as in, why didnt you invite me in the first place?) And un-inviting is even worse. I’d say, just go with the flow. But that’s just my view… sorry if it doesnt help any…
Post # 6
What you said above actually doesnt seem like a bad plan, as long as you guys plan to make the rounds to say hi at some point lol
Post # 7
i think your option to share that there is an issue with the restaurant is a good idea… but also try to get a few of his relatives rounded up to join instead. maybe talk with your parents and maid of honor and try to have them take the brunt of the fall so to speak. don’t let this ruin your weekend!
Post # 8
I just feel SO torn up about it– I have been planning & planning & planning trying to coordinate everyone & it honestly never occured to me that he may not want a huge Rehearsal Dinner. He said he wished he would’ve known so he could have invited his aunts/uncles and he is right! It just seems like your worst wedding fear of getting down to the wire and something going awfully wrong!!
Post # 9
will all of your family actually attend the rehearsal, or are they just showing up for dinner? if they’re coming to the rehearsal, then the night might be geared towards you. if they’re just showing up after you’re done, I’d assume it will just be family catching up.
Post # 10
Truthfully, I think he is just getting pre-wedding jitters and is being a bit sensitive and whiny. I think you should just continue with your plan, just make sure to be supportive of your fiance and direct the conversation just a little bit to make him feel included. It’s pretty customary for out of town guests to be invited to a rehearsal dinner (but not usually the rehearsal), at least where I live. Best of luck and don’t stress! Remember, your wedding is supposed to be fun!
Post # 11
Just enjoy the day! He can’t stay upset to long with the next day being your wedding day!! Just soak up EVERY minute and enjoy! good luck lady!
Post # 12
@bookworm88: it is about 1/2 and 1/2 at this point… some will be there just cause everyone else is.
@Schatzie821: yeah, I think the stress is getting to him .. and I am trying to keep an upbeat attitude.. but it is becoming difficult trying to include everyone.
@Megan2035: lol.. oh I hope he is over this in the morning… right now I am coming up with a gameplan.
I also decided that one of his groomsmen and best friend will give a little speech at the dinner and direct it at Fiance mostly. I texted him and we think that the speech/direction will make him feel like his side is there more and supporting
Post # 13
PLEASE don’t feel badly about this. Neither of you had any idea that this is how it was going to feel or how he would end up feeling amidst all of the family. How good that he was open and straight up about what he was feeling and why.
I really think you need to talk to him about what he would like best. If you can get a heap of his people to come down and he would like that, then that is probably your best option. It would help the night to feel more like the making of a new family with everyone getting to know each other and focusing on “How do you know Groom?” etc I would just explain to his family that last minute you had more seating available or something so they don’t feel like you are just now thinking of them.
However, I really do think that tomorrow will be more about you two. Tonight was the catch up, it was the first time everyone had seen each other in a while and was not an official wedding event. I mean realistically, how long can the focus be on the two of your before everyone has already said/asked everything? Tomorrow there will be toasts and pre-wedding jitters and excitement. I really do think it will be about you two whether or not more of his family can make it. Besides, this IS his family now! 🙂
OR you can guarantee that the night will be about you two by just having the bridal party and telling everyone that the restaurant got it wrong (or course then you never know who might catch onto the lie or surprise arrange another venue).
The slitting the rooms in two rooms option to me is NOT an option. I would think it to be the height of rudeness if I was one of the non-bridal party and like you didn’t want me to be a part of your wedding at all. As if you thought me rude and loud and unpleasant enough that you had to put a door between us. A door! It could make people spiteful and lead to an unpleasant wedding.
Good luck, either way enjoy tomorrow! I’m sure it will be terrific. 😀
Post # 14
@Everdeen: Yes… I am absolutely positive that neither of us expected this to be an issue, of all things. Ultimately, I just cannot make everyone 100% happy with me at this point and I have just come to accept that with whatever decision is made– I will, to some degree, be the bad guy. I would prefer that those feelings NOT be coming from my Fiance haha, but I can’t just uninvite my side or make his side show up.
As far as the door thing- I am unsure how they have it set up at this restaurant. I know that they have two large rooms and for large parties they are able to make it accomodate up to 60 people.
Post # 16
@Mrs_Amanda: Yes, please let us know how it went! Although I guess you might be on your honeymoon right now so it probably doesn’t matter that much at the moment. Well, we want to hear all about everything when you come back down to earth. 🙂