Weddingbee boards

I know you all started the christmas challenge two weeks ago but I am new on here and read it only yesterday. Yesterday when I read this I thought "No that won't be necessary. We are starting talking about planning and he says he wants to get married fall of next year" (not engaged though). After tonight I have completely changed my mind as I should have suspected I would. I feel so frustrated and honestly depressed. Over this past weekend we have done a lot of talking and even shared ideas. We started to checked prices on things so we can set a budget and make sure we save the money we will need for the wedding we want. Well we do this every so often. He tells me all about how he is looking at rings, I (naturally) get excited, he has marriage on the brain which then causes us to talk wedding. When I say often I mean on and off for the last five years. There are usually several months in between each of these instances. They always start the same and end the same. He'll bring it up and I get excited, we talk about the actual wedding stuff he loses interest in it and I end up feeling disappointed. Last year around this time of year he said he wanted to get married around this time of year next year (this year). Once I get over the pain of disappointment and sadness I push marriage to the far part of my brain where it only creeps out for a second when friends, family, or other general life moments bring it up. Today I asked him just to make sure I wasn't making it up (because it seems I have a problem with that....) "Did you say last year that you wanted to get married right around now?" he said yes and starting in on how we ended up having to move and what not due to his job. I understand that but he has, for lack of better words, toyed with me on this situation many, many times. I want to know if I am crazy and just imagining things or if he unknowingly leads me on. He often tells me things and then later adds things and gets mad when I tell him he never told me that. Three years ago when his best friend was getting married he talked about it a lot. After their rehearsal dinner he came home and told me how he went to the jewelry store to look at rings and everyone saw him and made the comment that we might be the next to marry. Well this was the first time he made a serious comment about so I was excited but played it smooth. Today he tells me he wasn't even looking at engagment rings he went to look at mens ring because his friend got a tungsten carbide ring. I have to admit this really got under my skin I know I'm probably overreacting but I thought something else. Well a few months after their wedding he took me to a Jewelry store to see what I liked which he showed me what he liked and I didn't mind. Then NOTHING!!! Well this has happend more times than I can remember. So last year for my brithday he was giving me my hint (I am a brat and am no good with presents I like to be given hints that will boggle my mind till I recieve it) Anyways the hint was "Its actually a gift for me too, because you'll wear it" those were his exact words I remember it so well we  were on the phone. I was like "It is????" and my wheels were turning I immediately called my best friend to see what she thought if I was once again overlooking it and jumping to conclusions. We both agreed that his wording ment it could be and engagment ring....but it was the Wii which I love by the way (I'm a nintendo head, yay mario kart!!)

Am I just looking for it or is he really oblivious of the things he says? Be brutal if you need to I want to know if it is just me.

So after our discussion (which was more than just that) I decided maybe I should take that challenge!! I obviously need some time to think with out marriage clouding my thoughts. I decided that I should focus on deep cleaning the house and losing weight to help pass the time. It just irritates me that he is back on the it's coming soon number. Last October he came home in a wicked mood because he wanted to get a ring before we went to a sweetest day dinner with my parents, sister and brother in law. I told him not to worry about it. Oh yeah did I mention he had a huge chunk of money saved for a ring and he ended up giving all of it to his mom. I feel bad because it is his mom and came to him for help and if my parents weren't well off I'd want to help them too. But his mom only calls him when she needs money and doesn't pay it back. She even called recently to ask him when he is getting his next raise and how much was it going to be and all that stuff.

Sorry to go on and on but it feels good to actually share this with people plus aunt flow is coming to my moods are all crazy :)

honestly, i'm on the fence about the challenge...on the one hand, my guy, like so many other guys, wants to surprise me and have this amazing story we can tell our grandkids someday. and i want him to want to get engaged and really, truly be ready, ie not feel pressured. but on the other hand, real, open, honest communication is so, so important, and you have to know whether you're on the same page. and i keep like, shooting myself in the foot and ruining the surprise because i get really anxious when i can't talk to him about the things i think about, and where we are in the process. the surprise factor, for me, is only important because it's important to my bf.

from what you describe, it sounds like he knows marriage is important to you, but he still has been sending mixed signals. if i were you, i would really want to push back and get him to explain whether he's thinking about getting engaged, or why not if he isn't. it sounds like there have been some real, legitimate financial reasons to wait--but until you honestly communicate about it, it's hard to tell if they're real obstacles or excuses...

I don't think I am being patient or sweet at all. We have had talks of marriage and I have also told him I'm not going to wait around forever I want kids and I want to make this thing official. Having kids is very important to me. I told him a few years back (hoping for it to be a nudge in the right direction) that I didn't want to start having kids any later than 25 (almost there 7 more months) he then asked me what if we didn't get married in time and couldn't have any till 26 or 27? I flew off the handle the ONE rule, the ONE stipulation, the ONE thing I asked of him and he had to push the "well what if.." button. I know I'm young my I feel the tick which I think is from my own standards of when I want everything. I feel anxious all the time.

He has been looking at expensive rings. I don't know why but a few weeks ago it dawned on me that maybe he has set his standards too high. So I told him that I don't want  a big expensive ring that I didn't care how much he spent on it or even where he got it from. A ring is a symbol of love and society has turned it into who has the biggest diamond. Honestly watching blood diamonds has ruined my want for a diamond ring. I don't want a diamond that someone lost a limb for and were used to buy weapons. He suggested a man made diamond which I am fine with.

Our lease for the house we are renting is up in April I think that would be a good deadline.

 You all have give me food for thought. I am so glad I found this website it lets me know I am not the only girl who feels this way. Sometimes I feel like I am being a B*tch I have to reel myself back in. Thanks everyone I feel better. Reading everyones post from the frustrated to the any day now posts makes me feel better on the situation.

The christmas challenge is something one of the other girls suggested. You are not to mention engagment/wedding/marriage until christmas.