- 4 years ago
Hey ladies, just thought I’d pop in with another little advice needed column for you.
My friend is a year older than me (31) and although we are friends, our lives are basically at opposite ends of the spectrum. My friend, S, has never really been much of an inspired or hard-worker – she has only ever worked part time jobs, and in limited amounts (maybe an average of 15 hours a week, max) She lives off a line of credit and lives by herself. She stays up until about 3-4 a.m. every night and sleeps until at least noon. She lazes around a great deal. She doesn’t like driving anywhere (because gas costs money) and as a result, she spends most of the time in front of her computer or TV.
Usually by this point, people will tell me she likely has a problem with depression, but I do not believe she does. She is always very enthusiastic to go out – as long as someone else is buying, or treating her. She goes out almost every weekend with her friends, all of whom cover her bar & meal tab out of ‘pity’ that she doesn’t have much income (even though it’s completely voluntary) She likes online dating, but mostly just feels out the guys based on their incomes, and what they can give her, buy her, etc. Basically her entire history of past relationships has depended on what they can do for her, give her, help her with, etc. She accepts a ton of handouts, and comes to expect it as a rule from everyone – as a result, I dislike her coming to my house because of this – she will ask if we can spare groceries or pantry items because “money is tight” – and it puts me in too much of an awkward situation. I don’t have any sympathy for her having “no money” because it has been her choice not to have an income – she is not disabled, and she lives in a densely populated city that has a LOT of opportunities. She is very dependent upon the generosity of others, and the availability of them to her – since she barely works, she has the day free to text and chat on the phone, and she gets mad when others are not available all day to reciprocate (because they are working like most other people her age)
She just recently went on “stress leave” at her job, and as a result has not worked in about 3 weeks. I say “stress leave” because she has complained multiple times to her doctor that she is “stressed” by her job and it is mentally exhausting her – I believe it’s far more like, she has no motivation or oxygen fueling through her body because she spends all her time laying in bed like a lump and thus the reason she cannot mentally bring herself to work – she has no problem out partying hard every weekend. She has chosen not to return to her job, because she has a new boyfriend whom she is counting on to “get her a job” – so the ball is basically in his court, in her eyes, and it will be his fault if he doesn’t find her one – I guess in the meantime, she will just continue sleeping all day?
Anyway, my main question here – if you were in my shoes – would you try to reach out and help her, or gradually cut her loose?