Post # 1
Sorry for TMI
SO recently moved to another country. I won’t see him until late June / early July when I finish university and I move in with him.
The lack of sexual contact is getting to me. And it’s manifesting itself as anger. Even when I’ve been single I had something on the go, even if it wasn’t full intercourse.
Now I’m not getting angry with my SO, but I find myself tense regularly so I’m more than a little sexually frustrated.
One of the reasons SO moved was because our physical relationship was suffering because of his job, our sex life was very poor, once a week if we were lucky, one a month was becoming the norm. He is a lot less stressed with work, and I know if I were with him we’d be having an incredible sex life. So I think it’s a matter of “wanting what you can’t have”.
I’ve suggested phone sex ond Skype sex but he’s so self conscious nothing comes of it. Added to which, the time difference means that it’s not always convenient. I masturbate, and have done for years, but it’s not helping. I miss my SO and his touch so much that I find myself becoming more frustrated.
So… any ideas? If not: supportive words welcome 🙂
Thank you bees!
Post # 3
I have no advice for you, but it definitely sucks. I’ve got a little less than a year to go, haha.
How long has he been gone? I’ve noticed that (strangely) the ‘urge’ has decreased as the weeks have gone by.
Post # 4
@ladyartichoke: I wish I had advice. FI refused to “sext” or Skype. He said he thought of me better than that. I have no idea, but I think he felt awkward. Haha. I understand though. I wish you the best of luck. I hope you can convince him otherwise.
Post # 5
@AubByAub: About a month. I think you’re right, the urge will decrease. Here’s hoping anyway!
Post # 6
@ladyartichoke: Okay–obv I don’t know your relationship and I could be wrong–but even if he has a hectic work schedule, it is a red flag tha you were only doing it once a month—-I mean if you had been married for 20 years and had 4 kids I could see the sex slippinig-but before? idk
When my fiance was training for his career, he worked 84 hours a week, 7 days a week–for 6 months—and we had sex almost every night–not saying that I wouldn’t understand if he was tired–but if we weren’t having sex that time would have been unbearable!
Everyone has different levels of sexual desire, it’s normal for some people to not want it that often–but it sounds like this is something that you should deal with before it gets out of hand—maybe you could do some sort of long distance counseling–I know that many relationship counselors would be willing to have sessions where one party is on skype–that will bring you closer and bring him out of shell AND it will help deal with the intimacy problems that are caused by distance–and then when you two are actually physically together, it will already be established that it is important to make time for sex
Post # 7
@sylvia.riggle: Thanks for your response and I agree that it is a red flag. Which is why we decided he should look for a new job. The reason he looked overseas was because I onlly have a few months left and he’d reach a brickwall in the UK careerwise. A perfect job arose in another country (dream job, dream company) so we took the plunge. But yes, the problems arose from a hectic work schedule. Including overnighters and 18 hour days. There were weeks were he would be averaging 110 hours. Before his schedule got so bad, say when he was doing 70 hours, we had a healthy sex life. You’re right too that people have different sexual needs. Thanks.
Post # 8
Hmm. So he won’t Skype of phone sex but what about text messages? Sometimes it is easier to ease into the long distance sex stuff when you can type it out instead of having to verbalize it. Of course either way long distance sucks. But it is kind of fun to think of dirty things to text your SO when you know they will be unable to act on it like when they are at work, and then it builds the tension so when he is home maybe he will be more into it.
Post # 9
@Future Mrs. W: Good point. I’ve sent a few emails but never really followed them up with anything. I’ll give it a go and texting too. When we’ve tried on Skype chat he just says “aww, I want to have sex with you too” after I’ve gone into detail about all the things I want to do him – frustrating! Thanks!
Post # 10
@ladyartichoke: I was in a LDR for 1.5 years where we saw each other every 2-3 months. I am not a novice when it comes to self pleasure, but it was not enough when it came to needing the intimacy. Like you, I found myself getting snarky with others. I tended to solve the problem with cake… red velvet, to be exact. Unfortunately, it led to a huge weight gain that I’m now fighting to lose before the Big Day.
My advice: Get to the gym or find a new hobby to take your mind off it.
Best of luck!!!