Post # 1
🙁 Fiance just got a new job in New Jersey (approx 6 hours without traffic). He will work four days a week there and then drive home for three day weekends with me. He is going to be so burnt out so soon. I told him to stay there sometimes because I dont’ want him to resent always driving home to me but I am also concerned he will get lonely and depressed.
We were apart for five months when he went abroad two years ago to Italy but we were at a different stage in our relationship (NOT that it was easy). It will be frustrating planning a wedding apart. Just living apart!
So how do you ladies make it work being apart? How do you stay positive when you DO see him knowing he will be gone so soon! I need some expert advice!
Post # 3
It’s so tough I know! I would try to go there to see him sometimes. One thing to keep you going is to try and keep yourself busy during the rest of the week. You should both try to have friendships and do things with friends sometimes. I don’t really have any advice to make it less sad when you have to leave but I think that seeing eachother every week or every other week probably won’t make you as sad as not seeing eachother for months.
Post # 4
My guy and I do something similar to this. I do most of the driving. We make it work by using webcams every night we’re away from each other …. just seeing each other on them every night and sometimes even sleeping with them on. (Shhhh…. don’t tell any of his friends!!)
I also have a small dog that makes the trips with me and keeps me company in my boring, small, lonely apartment. One thing that is nice is, after my long drive every weekend, coming home and getting a good shoulder and/or foot rub!! (I get tense after driving so long.)
When I leave on Monday mornings it is sad. I don’t “cry” anymore, but I’m still upset every time I leave. We’ve been doing this for about 2.5 years. Every once in a while I get resentful about always being the one to drive, but I just let him know and he tries to make me feel better (another backrub, dinner out somewhere special, a two-hour nap!!, etc…).
You can do it!
Post # 5
My hubs and I have “dates.” I know it sounds goofy, but we’ll find movies playing at the same time in each of our cities and then go to the movies together. Everynight we chat on the webcam, we’ll watch our favorite TV shows together (or so he thinks…most of the time I’m watching something else). One night we even cooked the same thing. lol I know it sounds a little weird, but we’ve been LDR for over 2 years now and average at seeing eachother every 3-4 months, so we have to get goofy/creative to make things work.
Post # 6
Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been long-distance for the past year and have one more year to go. We can’t even drive to see each other, as we live on different continents. But part of the fun is that when we do see each other, it’s always a vacation for one or both of us. It helps to always plan when the next time we will see each other is so that we have something positive to look forward to.
I cannot even begin tell you how much having a webcam helps (even if, due to the time difference, one of us is sacrificing sleep for us to be able to talk). Also, we both have Macs with iChat, which has a screen-share feature. One person can share their screen, and the two of you can both watch that screen at the same time and even control the same cursor. It’s really cool! One person can pop in a DVD and you watch it together. Boyfriend or Best Friend and I often have “movie dates” that way 🙂 Or we will take turns taking control of the mouse and type silly messages to each other. Like JsDragonfly said, you have to get creative.
Remember that you are engaged to be married and that means you have your whole lives to be together! I’ve found that knowing we are headed for marriage and planning to spend the rest of our lives together really helps to put things in perspective and make it seem like less time than it really is. And just keep in mind that if your relationship can survive this test, it will come out MUCH stronger in the end.
Post # 7
Have a plan. Have scheduled phone times, scheduled visits (even if it’s only “every other weekend for sure, the rest maybe”), a driving schedule (can you go his way sometimes?), etc. And an end date in sight, if possible. Knowing that the end was coming was the only way I got through J and my distance, although it was a little different situation.
I would guess your situation it’ll be really hard for you to adjust to living with him/without him so much – like, easy to just veg and eat trash etc when he’s not home. But don’t let yourself be that way! Join a gym, make standing dinner dates with friends, find ways to keep yourself busy and fulfilled, you know?
One of the best parts of distance (yes, there ARE benefits!) is the independence and strength that you can personally attain. Even after the distance ends, you’ll be a much happier and better woman for being able to substain yourself, and letting him be like a bonus in your life, instead of being your life, you know? At least, that’s been my experience.
Post # 8
You guys all have great recommendations! Thank you so much. It is official. He leaves the day after a vacation for the both of us. I don’t know if that is a good thing or a terrible thing. =(
Well thanks for the support and the recommendations. We’ll get through it. 6 months of at least four days a week away. Gearing up.
Post # 9
LDR is hard. I did it once with a previous Boyfriend or Best Friend and am now going to with my current Boyfriend or Best Friend at the end of the year. I’m interested to see how it all plays out. Current Boyfriend or Best Friend has never done anything like this but says I’m worth waiting for 🙂 It’ll be about 2 yrs of living 10hrs away from each other. It’ll be rough…thank goodness for skype, text messages, etc.
Good luck with your LDR situation. Stay strong and remember it’s probably just as hard for him to be with out you.
Post # 10
Definitely make sure to be present when you’re together. Like, really and truly present. Doing this will ensure you’re not constantly thinking about his eminent departure, and it will make the time you spend together much more enjoyable! Other than that, Skype, Skype, Skype! I’m 6,000 miles from my sweetie, and I find there to be a huge difference between talking to him on the phone (which we do every weekday, when he gets home from work and I’m at my desk) and talking to him on skype (which we try to do every weekend day, but sometimes schedules get in the way). Being able to see him while we talk is wonderously helpful, as it really feels like he’s in the room. We can flirt and goof off as if he’s on the couch next to me.
It’ll be hard, but you CAN do this! Good luck!
Post # 11
You’ve gotten a lot of great advice! I’ve been in a LDR for the past two years with my SO, and we have about three years to go (gotta love grad school). We’re five hours apart, driving-wise. I completely, totally echo the Skype/communication aspect. Your communication skills will grow like no other! We try to talk every day (or, at least 6 days out of the week), and we update each other on what we did. Even the boring, mundane things like “Slept in late, went to the grocery store,” etc. It just felt like we were a part of each other’s lives. Also, with the communication–don’t be afraid to tell him that you feel sad or lonely. It is important to be honest.
The other thing I recommend is take up a new hobby. Have it be something you’ve never done before, but always have wanted to do. This is the time to do it! I have always wanted to learn to play piano and violin, so I took that up while he’s been gone. I figure, we will get married and have kids one day, so now is my free time. Plus, it gives you something else to talk about. It helps you from missing him so much, too.
Good luck with your LDR! They can definitely be a success!
Post # 12
I know your pain, FH and I were engaged while living in two separate states. You can’t imagine the emotional roller coaster of getting engaged then having to separate for a month. But we did it and then I had to start all the wedding planning alone, going to see venues, meet people, etc. So on the weekends we did get to see each other, I was dragging him all over the city to do wedding stuff which also sucked because we just wanted to be at home together relaxing. FH finally moved here five months after we got engaged and we barely spend anytime apart.
Post # 13
Im in a VERY similar situation, Boyfriend or Best Friend is 6 hours away (without traffic) but we are planning to see each other every other weekend to cut costs and save money for after we are married and I move up there with him.
It’s only day 2 for me and it was nice reading the advice! 🙂