LDR Encouragement Needed

posted 2 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 2
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We we’re long distance the first three years of our relationship and one year of engagement. It was rough but totally worth it. I can’t say I ever enjoyed it but being married now I couldn’t be happier! It’ll get better! 

Post # 3
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

We were long distance for a year. We planned on staying long distance for 2 years until I could move to Cali. there were days that we wouldn’t talk as much as we should but after him moving back Irealized that there are days like that even living 6 miles away. Remember that he loves you and that life gets busy even for couples that live close. I am finishing my undergrad and there were days that I would be stressed and my bf would be still at work and I couldn’t get his attention. But I know it’s not on propose. It will all end up well at the end.

Post # 4
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Currently long distance since a year, and I know what you mean… Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in our separate lives and not take the time for each other. I guess we try to remind each other! Just hang in there and don’t give up! It’s hard work but it’s worth it I’m sure!

Post # 5
6445 posts
Bee Keeper

Dmv21:  I was in a LDR throughout law school and we made it and are even stronger for it. It’s really all about how you view the time you have “on your own.” If you view it as, “Omg, SO isn’t paying attention to me now, I’m so sad and alone,” then your relationship is going to be strained and it’ll cause problems. But if you see it as an opportunity to hang out more with your law school friends or explore the city you’re in on your own, go out with girlfriends to vent about your classes, etc., your attitude changes big time. I wrote this on a previous thread, but will repeat it:

For me personally, I should add that I truly cherished those 3 years apart from him because I was able to discover more of my own individual strength and independence. Before I left, we did everything together and while that was great, we always had to agree on what to cook, what to do on weekends, etc. I had missed the “do whatever I want” aspect of my single years and tried to approach my time in law school as one where I was in a committed relationship with the man I loved, but also one where I could also exercise my independence more and discover myself. I formed close friendships that I wouldn’t have had he and I been physically together (since I would have essentially just gone to class and returned home to be with him had we not been long distance, and instead I would stick around at school after class and hang out with friends), I was able to spend more time focusing on my studies, and even was finally able to lose some weight because I was able to control my diet better (no being tempted by his “non-diet” meals!). Most importantly though, at the end of the day, when I came home, we knew we were in it for the long haul if we could make it through that and both gained so much confidence in our relationship.

Long story short, I think you will be fine. It takes hard work, but it’s worth it. 

Post # 6
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

We were long distance for the fist three years and it was definitely hard at times, but we made it and we’re now living together and have been happily marrieed for a year! However, I will say that for a long distance relationship to  work, you both have to be invested. And it sometimes takes a different frame of mind and approach to a relationship.

Post # 8
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Brussels, Belgium

FI and I were together physically for a couple years then long distance for the past year. He’s not a US citizen and his work permit expired so even after getting married in October we’ll still be long distance until his spousal visa comes in, which could be another year. Some days are really hard, and busy days and time differences make it hard to communicate, but what we’ve always done was plan our trips to see each other well in advance so when it’s time for one of us to go back to our respective countries we know exactly when we’ll see each other again. The longer it goes on the better it makes me feel about our relationship, our commitment to each other, and our ability to grow as individuals as well as a couple.

Post # 10
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Brussels, Belgium

Dmv21:  That’s great! Having an end in sight definitely makes it easier, even if it’s just crossing days off the calendar. I’m excited for you!

Post # 11
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

A “deadline” is wonderful because it at least gives you both a piece of mind that there is an end in sight.

My FI and I were in a LDR the second time we ended up together and he ended up moving a few months after that, but before, we both were young and in an LDR for a year and a half until I ended things due to his cheating. We kept in touch throughout the 7 years apart and 3 years ago, we finally met and the rest is history.

LDRs are really hard, but if the two people involved really want to see things through, then they will no matter how difficult times may get. I wish you both the best of luck!

Post # 12
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

LDR’s definitely have their challenges. I think you should let him know that you are feeling rather unappreciated at the moment. Not in an accusatory manner of course, but an honest statement. If you don’t express your feelings directly in a LDR there’s a good chance your SO will have no idea how you’re feeling. When you don’t see someone every day you can’t interpret their feelings based off body language, changes in routine, appearance, etc…being direct is always a good route. 

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