Post # 1
So, if you’ve been following my posts the past few weeks, they’ve been pretty up and down. Today’s one of those down days where I remember how hard LDRs really are. I’ve done a shorter one before, but for some reason being away from my SO this time around is ridiculously hard.
I guess what i’m feeling is a little insecure. Not in a lack of trust/jealously way – i have no problems there, I trust him completely and know that he would never do anything to hurt me. The insecurity i think is just because of the distance. I really find it hard not to be spending most of my time around him. When we lived in the same town, we were basically inseperable – even doing our work/assignments in the same places, to be around each other.
We’ve both started up at school (i’m a grad student, he’s just started his first job as a professor) and its not like we arent in contact all the time – we text throughout the day and he calls me and we skype each night before bed – its just that little things are starting to push my insecurity buttons and i’m not sure how to stop that from happening. Sometimes he doesnt reply to my texts. Yesterday he called me, i missed his call so I returned it about a minute later, he was busy so said he’d call back once he’d gotten his lunch, then nothing. I text him every morning to say good morning (he asks me to do this one), but then i hear nothing from him for an hour or two. I don’t expect him to drop everything and be available, but i would hope he’d want to reply. I guess this is where i’m feeling insecure. I’m worried i’m bugging him, and i don’t want to be.
Does anyone have any tips? Should i bring it up to him or try to get over it myself? I see him in 3 weeks time (its been 3 weeks since he moved away), so i’m not sure if its just because i’m feeling the time/distance thing.
Please help 😛
Post # 3
I did an LDR for a while with someone who did things to make me feel insecure (both purposefully and unpurposefully). It’s not fun or good for the relationship.
Ask him to call/text you when he says he can, as opposed to just saying that he will. If he complains that “it’s just a phone call”, then the issue is not that it’s “just a phone call”, the issue is that he doesn’t respect you or consider your feelings with the weight that he should. And to be honest, you deserve better.
If that conversation doesn’t work, then I would stop texting him in the morning and see what he does.
Problems in relationships really are magnified when things become long-distance, especially problems with communicating with one another.
Post # 4
Communication is so key in any relationship, especially long distance relationships. The first thing I would do in your situation is to make sure you know his regular day-to-day or weekly schedule. This doesn’t mean every little thing, just when he has classes, regular meetings, etc. Don’t stop doing what you’re doing – keep communicating with him even if it feels one sided. Communicating less than you normally do on purpose would kind of be making him feel insecure on purpose, which I’m sure you don’t want to do since you obviously care about him. If it continues and you’re still insecure after being together in person for a while, then I would talk to him about it.
Post # 5
We ended up chatting about it all – i was pretty honest with him about how i was feeling and it turns out he was just getting really stressed about his new job and that translated into him being silent.
I know this is what he does when he gets stressed out, i guess i never realised how much of my understanding of his moods is through his body language. I told him i need him to tell me when he’s feeling reclusive so i know i havent done anything to upset him. Its amazing how much a little chat can help!
Things have been excellent since! He’s gone back to bein himself again which is awesome.