(Closed) LDR partner looking for a new job, i feel awkward, feedback appreciated

posted 5 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 4
23636 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@gut_feeling:  Hi! πŸ™‚ Soooo Darling Husband and I were kind of in a reverse situation.  I put him through 5 years of long distance while I was away for graduate school. At first, I said I would just be gone for 2 years to do a masters degree, and when the 2 years rolled around, I had “doctorate degree fever” – that was a really tough conversation to have. He was really disappointed, and he made sure to tell me so – but I guess, in the end, I still went on and finished my degree.  I think the general idea is that telling your SO how you feel about things is important – even if it’s a little scary.

Post # 5
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I was once in a LDR with my current Fiance (we now live together again)…Proof that LDRs can work and eventually lead to living a “normal” life together!

He was laid off from his former job in the city that we met in and immediately used that as an opportunity to come to where I am. Had he not chosen that path, I can honestly say I think we would have broken up and would not be together.

It’s one thing to be stuck in the job you’re in, but to go out seeking new jobs that aren’t where your LDR SO is, seems a bit like an indication of his thoughts on the relationship overall (IMO).

Post # 8
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@gut_feeling:  I was going to give you advice, but I realized that truly I would never entertain the idea of a LDR. So it would be unfair. I am sorry you’re going through this and I wish you luck!

Post # 9
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think by this you can kind of infer where you stand in this relationship. That said my Darling Husband works 2 hours from me and we don’t see each other every day.. And we are both happy.

Post # 10
522 posts
Busy bee

Right now it seems like he’s prioritizing finding a good job over the relationship (perhaps not knowing your thoughts or how much you want him to live closer?) and after only a few months that’s probably exactly what my SO and I would have done.

For what it’s worth my boyfriend even after almost three years (the last two years of which have been long distance) is only considering grad schools that are about 15 hrs train or car and two flights away. It’s not because he loves me any less or our relationship isn’t important but because it’s the best thing for him and his field of study. 

I guess you could tell him something like “My hope is that you find a job you love closer so that we can see each other more and not have to be long distance” but honestly I’d leave it at that.

You only just started dating and I don’t really think that it’d be fair for you to do/say anything more than that considering that you yourself are completely unable to move (of course due to perfectly understandable reasons).

Post # 13
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t think I would worry about any of this after only dating a couple of months.I say that you should get to know eachother better first.If he is the one, you can work out the major issues later. Good luck!

Post # 14
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@gut_feeling:  I encountered these similar awkward things early on in my LDR, too! Well, first of all, I must explain that I moved to MA from TX for a summer internship and met my FH. We spent two wonderful summer months together….and then I had to go back to school in TX. Obviously it was traumatic and awful, but about 3 weeks into dating we decided we’d give a LDR a go.

So, at about the 4 months of dating mark (2 months together, 2 months LDR), there came the same thing–both of us kind of casting our nets wide for jobs, discussing the possibility that we could “just end up in the same city.” But, of course, I knew this wasn’t realistic and I knew I would just rather us pick one city and make it work. So, after a lot of awkward beating around the bush and a bit of a fight, we decided then and there that we would coordinate our lives to be together. And now we’re getting engaged.

So, I guess what I’m saying is….either you know/are willing to bet early on that things are important enough in the relationship and you’re willing to move your location to make it more, or you don’t just don’t quite feel comfortable enough to do it early on. The first type of LDR is rare, but wonderful. 

Tell your SO how you feel, and explain that you know it’s early but you’re upset at the idea of him moving ever further away. Although the timing isn’t the best, this may be the first big decision point in your relationship.


Post # 16
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House

Being engaged to a man that I have never (read: NEVER) lived closer that a 4 hour drive from, I think I have some room to talk/give advice.

We have never lived in the same place, met through a friend in a place neither of us lived, and started keeping in contact. Less than a month later (come to find out…) he told his mother I was the woman he was going to marry. Our parents also live 3 states apart…we have no common ground.

Moral of the story: if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. Whether he is in the same city or not. Since I’m not sure how old you are, what your life situation is, how soon you would like to get married, etc, I can’t be sure really how else to advise you. You are more than welcome to send me a message, but I think that if he wants to be with you, he will make it happen.

**My practical self has to add one note: not sure what industry he is in or where you live, but times are tough out there! If he is trying to move closer, regardless, he is probably wise to cast a wider net. Just a thought. πŸ™‚

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