- 5 years ago
Hey everyone… I don’t really know why I’m writing this… I just feel really lost and alone…
Like many of you, my SO lives on the other side of the country, and is planning to move to be with me. He used to sound really, really excited when he talked about moving, but now he just sounds depressed. He’s expressed that he’s afraid he won’t be able to get as good of a job as he has now, and like many young couples money is a big concern for us. Another, bigger worry of mine is that when it comes down to it he doesn’t really want to move just to be with me.
He has his life, his friends and his family in his city. We talk alot on skype but it seems he’ll always leave to talk to someone else, or do something for someone else in the middle of our conversations. He’s one of those “handy men” and everyone always needs him for something, and (in my opinion) rarely appreciates him. If I am upset and need to talk to him at the same time someone else asks him to do something for them, he will always leave, no matter how upset I am.
I understand that family is important. It’s 100% okay with me if I’m dating someone who values family/close friends more than our relationship. But it seems like his claim that I am his #1 priority, and that he’s willing to leave his family to be with me is more of a fantasy than a reality. Lately, I haven’t felt like he loves me or cares about me at all.
He also says things like he never gets time for himself, so that’s why he turned down a skype date with me to be to be with his friends/family, which makes me doubt that he still enjoys talking to me. I
ve told him that all of this hurts me and he berates him self and apologizes for "being an asshole" but nothing ever changes. If I tell him I feel like he doesnt make me a priority he gets really frustrated and angry and tells me the hes “working for our future”, and if I wasnt a priority he wouldnt be moving to be with me. (Im in school so Im not working, and he has been helping me out with money). I feel like my feelings no longer matter in our relationship at all.
He gets mad at me because I “dont talk to him like I used to”. He says he doesnt know how to help me because I never say whats wrong, but when I do say, he gets defensive and makes arguments against me feeling the way I feel that make me feel horrible. Im not comfortable sharer my deeper feelings with him anymore because he may just leave at anytime, or hell get frustrated with me because of them. Often, when we talk, I
ll stutter so much I cant talk or have panic attacks. I feel overwhelmed with hurt and feeling rejected and unloved, and I also feel guilty for needing so much of his time and money, and wanting to take him away from his family. Sometimes hes sweet and patient but other nights he just gets annoyed and frustrated. I dont know what to do or say or how to act around him anymore.
Between that and all the technical difficulties that come with a LDR…. batteries dieing, internet crapping out, freezing, not being able to hear the other person… etc…. yea communication sucks.
Sorry for the long, long rant… I needed to get it out. I dont know what to do anymore. I really dont feel like he loves me anymore, but he swears he does.