(Closed) LDR question

posted 8 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I haven’t been in this situation, but I wanted to welcome you to the LDR club 🙂 I love that it’s growing! We’re all here to support you.

Can you talk to him & let him know that the uncertainty of “when” is bugging you? It looks like one of you is going to have to make a big gesture to be together… the question is who? Do you really want to wait a few more years?

Is one more rooted in their city than the other (own your own home, own business, family, etc)? I think you guys need a finish line in sight. It will make it all a lot easier! Talk it out 🙂

(Hugs)

Post # 4
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

::hugs::

this is my current situation. he wants to wait until we’re in the same city and i’m finished with my masters program before we get engaged but he’s been looking for a job for a while out here in cali and it hasn’t been the easiest. people haven’t been too hot on hiring out of staters it seems. it would be easier if i had my own place, that way he could just stay with me and have a local address to job search from. at this moment, our location is the only thing keeping us from taking that next step and it’s sooooo frustrating.

i wish i could offer some words of advice but we’re still working things out ourselves. but maybe you two could sit and talk about your frustrations. it’s kind of hard to put a timeline on this kind of situation because who knows how long it’ll take to land a job. but definitely talk out your feelings. sometimes that makes a big difference. good luck!

Post # 5
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

Well, I am already engaged, but have done the LDR off and on for years now. FI was in the military for the beginning of most of the first year we lived together. Not knowing when he was coming home, or being able to even talk on the phone was devastating. I always just reassured myself that if it was meant to be, it would be. FI goes out of town now for work, sometimes 2 weeks, sometimes 6 months. I feel that maybe you should tell him how you feel. My whole thing was the fear of having no commitment when he was off at AIT with his buddies doing his thing thousands of miles away. Before my FI left for basic training, he gave me a promise ring, which made me feel alot better. When he came home, he proposed. I accepted. Yes, when he left for Iraq it was hard not knowing if he would come back, but I knew that I loved him, and good or bad, he was the love of my life and the man I wanted to marry. This isn’t comparable to your situation persay, but I thought I could share my story and maybe give you an example of a LDR that I was/ am still kind of in. Best of Luck. And like I said, and what my mother told me, If it’s meant to be it will be.

Post # 6
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m also not in the same situation, but I can definitely relate to how frustrating the unknown can be – are there some things you can control that you might be able to focus on more? Like planning your next visit, or scoping out apartment complexes so when FI gets a job you’ll be ready for him to come? Stuff like that? I find refocusing my energy helps with a lot of the distance stuff (and thus why I spend all my time on WeddingBee haha…)

Post # 7
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

I was in that situation… Bee ended up moving in with me, and starting Weddingbee! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I was in this situation at one point.  I had quit one job to be with my family at Christmas, fully expecting that I would be able to return to Korea in a few weeks and search for a job while here.  However, it was during an election and the outgoing party decided to change all of the visa rules at the last moment and demonize foreign teachers as drug addicts, and AIDS infected pedophiles!  So I ended up getting stuck in Canada….in the middle of a very complicated visa rule change that neither Korean immigration or the Korean consulates understood, and unable to search properly for a job. (plus the visa requirements kept changing on a day to day basis)

I would like to say that we had a sucessful LDR at that time, but the honest truth was that I was extreemly depressed and cried a lot because I wasn’t sure when/if I could get back to FI who was then my BF, and I had had no idea the situation would be that complicated when I left Korea.  The only thing that got us through it was lots of emails to communicate all the horrible things we were feeling, lots of work on both of our ends to get me back to Korea, and planning for events that we really really hoped I would be back for.  We weren’t able to do everything we planned, but just making the plans was really helpful for giving us some hope. 

Post # 10
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think that one reason why he might be turned down for these jobs is because he isn’t local.  They might be thinking he is just putting out feelers in different states that he is thinking about moving to.  Don’t have any advice how to make it better, the economy is really making it tough for people to get jobs right now.

Post # 11
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

@riley, i definitely will. please do the same! good luck!

Post # 12
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

we didn’t worry about it. I looked for jobs for 4 months before we got married (we were already engaged).  We knew we would live his parents house if need be…we just weren’t going to let money be the factor of deciding whether or not we could be together.

Something worked out at the last minute and it’s been such a blessing!  I know that it’s tough waiting, and I can understand your bf’s motivation….but sometimes it’s necessary to just take a leap and see how it goes.  You don’t want to wait forever!
And I agree with Miss AsB–some companies may lean against hiring someone who appeasrs from out of town because of the hastle (difficulty scheduling interviews or second interviews…pre-employment processing, paying for moving costs) Even if your bf doesn’t expect that or is willing to work with it…the company may see it as too much of a hastle.

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