Post # 1
Long story shorter, my fiance and I got engaged last fall and were planning to get married in June, after which we would move together four hours away to where I will be going to school for 20 months, and then move back to the area we’re in now. However, he just found out that he has the opportunity to make his temporary job doing something he really likes into a full-time gig. This would set him up to eventually get a career in a something he really wants to do. He has supported me so much in me following my dreams, that I can’t tell him to give it up just to physically live with me for 20 months.
Now we’re both just totally thrown and don’t know what to do about getting married. We haven’t spent a lot of money and we can get it refunded, so that’s not an issue. The thing is that we emotionally prepared ourselves to be married soon, and the news that he could persue this was a shock. We don’t know whether getting married, playing house for a couple months, and then having me move away is a good idea, or if we’d be better off waiting until I moved back.
Have any of you been in a LDM? LDE? Or had to suddenly move back a wedding date? Any words of advice would be much appreciated.
Post # 3
I’m in a long-distance engagement right now. It’s hard, im not going to lie, but it is definitely doable. My grad school program was 22 months and 5 hours away from my fiance. I see him every couple of weeks and then when we have breaks from school. I think it would be harder to be in a LDM but there are two girls in my program that are doing it. I think if you both have the opportunity to do something that will better your careers and you future, then you should do it now before you really get settled into a routine with each other! Whether that means pushing back the wedding or going through with the wedding, I think thats only for you two to decide!
Post # 4
We’re in a similar place. We’d been throwing around the plan to elope in May, but for financial reasons, it might end up with us doing a LDM rather than just the LD we’re in now. It’s tough to decide what’s best. Long distance is hard sometimes in the first place, but for me personally, I think the disappointment of not getting married might make it harder, if that makes sense.
It’s not the best situation to be in but you can definitely make the best of it, especially if you both are pursuing something you’re really interested in. Good luck!
Post # 5
@theredhead I’ve seen other couples in the program go through LDEs and LDMs… it looks like each presents its own challenges and it’s hard to pick what’s better.
@CassandraC That makes sense to me. I’ve been so excited about being married that it’s hard to let go of it.
For what it’s worth, my fiance is leaning towards keeping the original date. I think he’s worried that there’s a small chance the deal won’t work out, and then he’ll be unmarried and jobless.
Post # 6
I feel you. We got engaged after 16 months of LDR (opposite coasts) and are marrying at nearly 3 years of long distance. We’ll continue with a LDM for up to several years. In your case, I think 20 months is doable but will take flexibility and very defined plans for maintaining contact, visiting, etc. We’ve gotten more than a few raised eyebrows over the LDM thing, but to each their own. It works for us.
Post # 7
Thank you all so much for your advice. My fiance and I decided to go ahead and get married in June, and now my parents are less than impressed with that decision. If it’s not one thing it’s another I guess.