(Closed) LDRs, moving, and gender expectations–a vent

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

wow, that sucks that they aren’t being supportive.  I’m always surpised at how many double standards there are between men and women (though i really shouldn’t be so suprised anymore).  I really can’t relate to your situation though :(.  I just wanted to say I hope they all come around, and kudos to you and your man doing whats best for you!

Post # 4
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

That’s too bad that they are not more supportive! It sounds like you really have your career on track, so I say GOOD FOR YOU! We were in the same boat, but before we got engaged. I got a great job in my field but 1000 miles away from where we went to college. I asked him if he wanted to take the leap and move with me, and he said he did (thank goodness!!). His family was totally supportive and in retrospect I guess that is pretty surprising since they are very old fashioned. I would just suck up my pride and tell them sweetly that people move all the time and if NYC doesn’t work out that LA should have room for you two to move back.

Post # 5
2462 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

wow that sucks 🙁 i’m really sorry they weren’t supportive. luckily you and your fi seem to be on the same page though, and that’s all that really matters! if it makes you feel better, my hubby moved for me when i got into graduate school, and i have another close friend whose bf moved to be with her…so it does happen, they’re just stuck in old-fashioned expectations and will be proven wrong with time 😉

Post # 6
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I can’t imagine how discouraging all this must be. But I think the important thing to remember is that you and your Fiance made these decisions together, are committed to seeing them through, and know that they are absolutely right for you. That’s all the matters. Family and friends so often have different expectations for us, but now that you are getting married, you and your Fiance are your own family and have to make your own decisions, even if others don’t approve, understand, or support these decisions. Ultimately, you are the only two in your relationship, and no one outside of it can determine what’s best for you. As hard as it is, try to tune out the naysayers and focus on being excited about having made the right decisions for your future. 

Post # 7
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Even though everyone is expecting you to be the one who moves (because you’re totally right that most people will expect the little woman to pick and move to be with her big, strong man) I think it’s awesome that your fiancee is willing to accommodate you by going to New York. That’s very cool.

My guess is that his family quits being weird about it once he’s actually moved, especially once they hear how happy he is to finally be in the same place as his lady. Besides, New York is awesome and they should be thrilled that they have somewhere to stay.

Post # 8
18645 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow that really does suck.  I moved across the country to be with my husband (at the time neither of us was a provider).  In the end, it doesn’t matter what they think, it matters what is best for you.  I’m sure the two of you are making the best decision for your relationship and futures.

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