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Hi Dear! First of all, stay calm 
It will all work out if you stay level-headed and figure out your priorities. Miss Sea Breeze had a great series of posts on choosing a destination for a DW- another good book to start is the Everything Destination Wedding Book.
You have to start by asking yourself what you want out of your ideal destination wedding. Do you envision saying your vows barefoot on the beach? In a classic Italian villa? In an old cathedral? At a modern hotel overlooking an amazing cityscape?
What activities do you want you and your guests to do? How easy will be it for the majority of your guests to attend? What are your top priorities- an amazing location, an affordable vacation, fantastic food and wine? These all might help narrow down your choice of location and scale.
Finally, I have one recommendation based on an amazing DW that Mr. Sweet Tea and all our friends attending last year: Playa Fiesta in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.All the guests easily flew in from NY, California, Colombia, and Malta(!), and nearly all of us stayed at the resort. The couple said their vows at the Cathedral, but they also do ceremonies at the resort. The reception was at the resort and it was fun- we all (unintentionally!) ended up in the pool at the end of the night! It was all-inclusive and they cater to weddings. I can vouch that one of their preferred photographers, Michelle Turner, is AWESOME.
Good luck! And happy planning! 
oh, and psst- it is totally acceptable to have them pay for plane tickets, some food (not the reception) and lodging! Just make sure it's worded clearly and that you find a location that's within your most important guests' means.
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i love planning. i love crafts. i love picking flowers and matching table cloths.
BUT...
i've been thinking. a lot. and now i'm seriously considering forgoing the whole big church wedding/$20k on one day idea. i always pictured myself walking down a long church aisle to my dreamboat, but the longer i'm engaged, the more my mind changes. fiance always wanted a small intimiate ceremony, and the older i get the more i want the same. i'm seriously thinking about a destination wedding. that being said, i don't know anything about destination weddings - i've never been to one. i don't even know where to start. i've done a little google searching, and i've come across a few all-inclusive deals, but there are so many different things out there. i need help! anyone know any good places to look into? i'd really like something all-inclusive, so i don't have to plan a huge wedding thousands of miles away!
also - am i required to pay for everything for everyone involved? we'd only have about twenty people, but that can add up with travel and everything. is it tacky to have them pay for their own plane tickets? do we pay for all of their food? how long (how many days) are we supposed to provide all of this?
i'm sorry this is ridiculously long, and that i asked 1200 questions, but i am completely ignorant about all of this! thank you so much for your help!