(Closed) Leaning strongly towards eloping but… (bit of a rant, sorry)

posted 5 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
2010 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Announce your decision in an upbeat way! “Dear friends! We are excited to announce that wehave scrapiped our initial traditional wedding plans and have opted to elope instead.  While we will miss having youstand up with us we are delightedsharing starting our life this way! We thank you for your love support and understanding!”

Yes! Send announcements.  People will send a gift if they want but should not feel obligated!

Post # 4
Member
2010 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Dear god, this IPad will be the death of me.  Please excuse!!!

Post # 5
Member
6125 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

1) how do we tell our bridal party? We have already asked our siblings/friends to be in the wedding party. How do we break the news? Before we do it? After?

Definitely tell them as soon as you’ve made your minds up to elope.  Don’t tell them after you’ve done it.  I’d just say in person, “We’ve decided to get married privately to save funds.” I agree do it in an upbeat and happy manner!

 

2) I was thinking it might be nice to write a personalized letter to all the guests we would have invited with a photo from our marriage/elopement. Do you think people will feel obligated to send a gift? We do not want anyone to get that vibe. I felt it would be a nice sentiment for our would-have-been guests to know they were thought of on our day, and after.

That depends, did you send out invitations already?  When was the wedding to be held?  I had sent out STDs already but cancelled my wedding before the invitations went out.  I emailed everyone and said it was cancelled (for family health issues) and we were to get married privately at some time in the future. We called those that didn’t reply to that cancellation email.

I do plan to send those people wedding annoucements using the photos from my photographer at our elopement.  I am not sure if it looks gift grabby.  Some will just feel inclied to give a gift regardless, others will look at the annoucement and go “Oh, that’s nice!”  I got an annoucement from my cousin and I *MEANT* to get her a bottle of wine (I am in a different state though), but in the end I did not get her anything.

 

Post # 6
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

If you do something small and private, there’s no reason you can’t have your bridal party there. “Pseudo-eloping” I like to call it- invite your parents and siblings. 

Post # 7
Member
3485 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

What about inviting them to the elopement? Even if it’s just a JOP ceremony, you could all go out to dinner afterwards (just immediate family and the close friends you were planning to include in the BP).  Then, after you buy the house, if you wanted to throw the big wedding, you can do it down the road. 

As for the announcement, I think it’s a great idea, and I don’t think it’ll come across as a gift grab.  

Post # 8
Member
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think you’re making a smart decision. 18K would make me sick as well. Some people will be mad, but in the end people need to understand that buying a house is WAY more important than a party that lasts for ONE DAY.

In regards to your Qs:

1) how do we tell our bridal party? We have already asked our siblings/friends to be in the wedding party. How do we break the news? Before we do it? After?

— I would tell them before, and just explain the situation. Don’t do this via mass email or something, but try to do it in person (separately w. each person) if you can. I don’t think most people will care as much as you think they will. It’s not that you’re un-inviting them or anything… you just don’t want to have a wedding for very practical reasons. A lot of people find being in a wedding a chore, anyway. And it is expensive for them too.

2)I was thinking it might be nice to write a personalized letter to all the guests we would have invited with a photo from our marriage/elopement. Do you think people will feel obligated to send a gift? We do not want anyone to get that vibe. I felt it would be a nice sentiment for our would-have-been guests to know they were thought of on our day, and after.

— This is a bit trickier. I am not sure I’d look at it as a gift grab, but I think that you have to make sure the letter is very carefully worded. I think I’d probably not do something like this… because I wouldn’t want to remind people they weren’t there. I think if anyone asks, you can just explain how a house is more important than a day of fun. Anyone with a working brain would understand that.

Post # 9
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

What about something along the lines of, “Dear family and friends, We have decided to set aside our plans for a traditional wedding in favor of a small, private ceremony. We will instead be purchasing a home in the near future, and we look forward to celebrating our marriage with all of you at a housewarming party. Stay tuned – details will be forthcoming.”

Assuming, of course, that your plans look something like this. You can then still have a big family party but avoid the wedding price tag. People can bring gifts or not, as they see fit – many of them will, but there will be less pressure to do so, which I think people will appreciate. Would something like this work for you guys?

Post # 10
Member
6125 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@KCKnd2:  That is a lovely idea!

Post # 11
Member
4973 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You can still have your bridal party and close family there…it won’t be an elopement, but an “intimate ceremony” rather. That would kind of be the best of both worlds for you, yes?

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