(Closed) Leaning towards having no MOH…is that a bad idea??

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

Is she still going to be a BM in either case?  It sounds like it would be a bad idea to have her too involved with the wedding, especially if your FI strongly dislikes her.  My feeling is that if you have to choose between them, you should definitely go with your FH since this is his day, not your friend’s day.  I can’t imagine that she should be surprised that she’s not the MOH if she makes snarky comments about your FH, has told you that she doesn’t like him, and refuses to talk about your life when it involves him.

Post # 5
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think it is perfectly reasonable to not have a MOH, or any kind of bridal party. Ask her to be a reader instead, if you still want to honor her. I did that for a friend recently, and really appreciated the honor. I also ended up happily taking over some BM duties, such as organizing parties, because her BMs were out of state. Those are little duties that won’t bring her into a lot of contact with your fi.

Post # 6
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

In that case, I think it’s fine to divvy up the tasks among your bridal party and just not have an official MOH.

Post # 7
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I agree – I wouldn’t ask her to be a maid of honor.  You want someone there who fully supports you in everything – after all, it’ll be stressful enough planning, you don’t want to add more onto that.

Post # 9
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know it’s not always good to avoid things, but can you just not mention the BM vs. MOH thing at all to any of them?  Just go about things like normal, picking dresses, assigning jobs, etc. and make no mention of not having a MOH.  If someone asks, then explain, but don’t open up the can of worms if you don’t need to.

Post # 10
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2018

That email is a great idea. I was in a wedding last summer. She had seven maids (including two sisters) in her party, but no MOH. She just couldn’t choose! As devoted friends, we all pitched in (and picked up slack where necessary )with the planning, etc. and it worked out perfectly.

Post # 11
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Sometimes it takes a VERY good friend to express how they really feel about your significant other, provided their comments are said in your best interest.  However, since there is some tension between your FI and your friend, I think your idea of having her as a BM instead of MOH (and dropping the MOH all together) is a great idea.  Maybe she will even feel relieved not to be MOH!

Post # 12
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I did the same thing and it worked out really well! My situation was that, I had already picked my MOH and 3 other b-maids. Over time it became obvious that MOH was not pulling her weight; the other girls were doing all the planning for the shower and bachelorette party, etc. It really stressed me out that it might cause hard feelings with the other girls – like, we are the ones pitching in for her slack but then she gets all the glory – so I sent MOH an email basically asking if she even wanted to be in the wedding. She said yes, but that she had all this crazy work and personal stuff going on – so I replied that in fairness to the other girls, it seemed that the MOH duties had been picked up in pieces by the other girls and I didn’t feel right having one MOH so everyone was going to be a bridesmaid from now on, no MOH, and I hoped she understood. And I have to say it worked out really well – the ball didnt get dropped on any level – and none of the guests knew anything was amiss or  thought anything of it!

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