Sorry this one’s a LONG Rant/Vent that includes the emails.
Am I being insane here and rude? I feel like I’m losing my mind and dont even know anymore what’s right or wrong.
In March I thought I would be kind and reach out to an extended family so I sent the following email about our September wedding:
It’s a pleasure to meet you via email, we are so excited to have you come out to California for our wedding!
I have heard so many wonderful things about you and cannot wait to meet you in person.
I know you’re traveling from far and wanted to let you know if you have any questions or need help with anything please do not hesitate to call or email me.
We’ve put some useful information on our website online:
We are so excited t to celebrate with you!
Thank you so much for sending me this webpage. I think it’s fabulous.
I would like to take this opportunity to say “Welcome to the family”. I’ve heard some wonderful things about you as well and look forward to meeting you and sharing your and Michael’s celebration of love and life.
The venue looks absolutely gorgeous and is something that I did not get to see on my visit 8 years ago. I worked in catering in 2 hotels and a country club since moving to Florida (a little tidbit (fiance) doesn’t know) but never in an outdoor venue. It should be very beautiful and exciting.
Warmest regards to you as well and please give my love and a hug to FI for me.
I was glad this was all on a happy note and things were great and if she had anything she wanted to discuss she now had my contact information.
Months later she’s throwing a fit and refusing to come to the wedding because I was so rude to not reply. Instead of actually saying anything to us she’s gossiping to the entire family about what an awful person I am. I finally wrote back to my FI and his family member that had told us about why she’s will not be attending and to be honest, it feels good to stand up for myself:
I thought I was being kind when I reached out to H- when I had never met her before to offer any help if needed and to answer any questions she may have had.
I mentioned in the email for her to please let me know if there were any questions or concerns and I would be happy to reply. I made the first step in trying to create a kind and loving relationship which is above and beyond what is normally done for such extended family, I did this just because I wanted to have a good relationship with her not because I needed to. No one has EVER emailed my extended family, and it’s not expected. NONE of my parents cousins are being invited, we made the exception for H- because we know she’s important to you and were trying to make her feel welcomed. In her email response there were NO questions, it seemed as though it was simply a reply.
I tried to be kind and loving and it just blew up in my face.
I’m sorry if she thinks I have no manners but to be frank I am incredibly hurt and offended by all of this. Apparently I cannot do anything to please her and so if she does not want to come then that is not something I can take responsibility for.
I am doing the best I can to please as many people as possible but I am at the point where I feel like everything I do is wrong and even the attempts at good kind deeds are returned with hostility and negative backlash.
I know I don’t respond to every single email, I work LONG hours and if I’m not behind the wheel I’m sitting next to my boss and cannot work on personal items. My family and and friends email one another often with no responses, it may be a generational difference, but a response is not always expected. It’s simply a way to let the other person know you’re thinking of them and had something on your mind. If it’s truly an urgent matter and something that needs to be discussed we call one another to discuss. Or if we feel like we were ignored we confront one another in a loving manner, not gossip behind each others backs and hold on to resentment and anger.
I have tried to respond to every email, I have tried to be gracious and appreciative of all the work others have put in and have sent flowers, and even made it a point to have a donation to your animal rescue instead of favors to show how much we appreciate everything. If this is not enough, just be honest and tell me. This gossiping manner of communication is too much like high school and is mean, hurtful, and offensive.
All I have ever asked for was honesty.