- 4 years ago
(Try saying that title three times fast… )
Ok, so back to all seriousness:
As a kid, I was never one that latched on to my parents. I spent the night over cousins and friend’s houses, went to Italy at age 11 with my aunts and cousins (minus my parents) for a month without shedding a tear, and college (far away) was not a problem. I always thought that if I got married, I would never have any issues moving out.
Well fast forward to the last two years. My father was diagnosed with lung cancer in May and passed away in early July. What was once three of us now became two – with a teacup chihuahua. I have one brother who lives four houses down with his family, and another brother 30 minutes away.
Since my father’s passing, we FINALLY got used to just the two of us at home. Home chemistry (if you wish to call it that) finally balanced at two people. (To give a better understanding of ages, she’s close to 70 and I’m actually 30).
I never lived with my Fiance because I’ve done that before in the past, had a negative experience and felt it was a personal choice to not co-habilitate until I am married. He also works/lives 2 hours south of my home which means once we get married, I’m transferring jobs to live there (until we can find something closer to our parents location).
Knowing all the above, can anyone else relate feeling guilty, sad, anxious? I fear that she’ll hurt herself falling down the steps, and nobody’s there. I’ll be taking the dog (not that the damn adorable thing can help her up if she fell, but still). My brother IS nearby, but he’s a boy (I’m VERY aware that is a sexist sentence), and it was me who stayed close to both parents. The fact that her sons are living on their own, her husband has passed, and now the little girl is gone just seems depressing. Even when I’m home in the house and the weather is dark, it makes the house look so miserable and I invision her like that too.
Side note, she has friends, and I know she’ll see them from time to time. She doesn’t have hobbies and starting any type has never happened so I don’t envision her starting now. I think she’s concerned of her accent and having English as a second language as an issue… but it doesn’t stop her from having friends 🙂
I do love her and just wish I wasn’t feeling as guilty.