Post # 1
Recieving wedding invite season is upon us! My FI is a groomsmen in some upcoming weddings and we just got the invite to one of them.
And I’m not on it. Which I totally get. It’s a small wedding. I’ve only met the couple a few times, and they both have rather large families. I can see how cutting the guest list / plus ones as much as possible could have had to happen.
My FI wants to call to ask if it was an oversight and I am invited, but I feel kind of mortified about that. I don’t want to seem like we’re trying to guilt them into anything.
Should I stick to my guns and tell him to let it go, or should I let him call to ask?
Post # 4
Eh, I’d let it go….I mean if he’s a groomsmen you’re probably barely going to spend time with him anyway, and if you barely know the couple do you really care about missing it?
Post # 5
I think it’s common courtesy to invite the SO’s of your bridal party. If this person is a good friend of your FI (I would hope?!) then I would ask on this one…
Post # 6
Let it go, in the name of karma— you don’t question them about their guest list decisions and hopefully no one will question you about yours.m
Post # 7
@blueteacup: I get the sense that things are different in the US to here regarding this issue but this would not fly with me and I/FI would not be attending any wedding that the other one was not invited to. It is just not acceptable in my circles/region. If a couple is established and exclusive they get invited. No ring, living together etc required, and to not do so would be seen as very rude and odd. Regardless of how well the partner knows the person. I do not believe in giving singles random plus ones (unless there is travel involved or they won’t know anyone there) but couples should be invited as couples. Period.
Post # 8
@blueteacup: I think FI should ask. When he was asked to be a groomsman, it was reasonable for him to expect that you were invited.
You guys can then decide what to do if it turns out you really aren’t invited.
Also remember it’s not only a slight to you, it’s a slight to him too; so I don’t think you can tell him not to ask.
Post # 9
I think he should ask. There was a similar thread just yesterday and turns out it was an oversight. Better just to know for sure.
Post # 10
I’d have him ask. It’s rude on their part not to have your name on the invite. Same thing happened to me and H last year (then BF). He asked and his friends response was “Duh, of course she’s invited! Why do you ask?”
Post # 11
It may be a small wedding, but I do think it’s rude to not invite your groomsman’s fiancee. If he wants to ask you should let him. He knows the couple best.
Post # 12
I don’t get the sense that you’re particularly upset over not being invited, so I’d let it go. This is one of the things where you get to choose. Some bees get wound up over such an omission, others not so much. If you’re not offended by this then I see no reason for your FI to defend your honor, and make things more awkward.
Post # 13
Well that seems fairly split.
I got my FI to hold off on anything to feel around on if other people in the bridal party had their so’s/fi’s/whatevers invited before calling.
I just feel so stuck in the middle and I hate that feeling because it’s totally not my place to do anything in this situation.
Thanks for the input guys!
Post # 14
@blueteacup: Hmm tricky one! Our wedding isn’t huge and we’re still inviting all partners of the bridal party (of which there are 8), even one who i’ve never met before!
That said I totally get why people have to make cuts and I also get where you’re coming from – I’d say if you’re really not fussed about attending, don’t let your FI worry about it! Would you know anyone there if its mostly family? You may not actually really enjoy it if you don’t really know anyone else!
Post # 15
Post # 16
This one is tough because everything about invites and plus ones states that engaged and married couples are supposed to be invited together, so while not inviting a SO is seen as acceptable, not inviting a FI is usually seen as “unacceptable.”
Wait for him to talk to other BP members (like you plan) and maybe the next time he sees the groom he can ask if he feels like it’s important.