(Closed) Left Out

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Wow that really sucks 🙁  so sorry that happened

Just as a question how did he separation of your stepsons parent play out? They friendly, hate each other? That could  be a reason for the exclusion. Are you close with your stepson? 

Post # 4
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2001

It sounds like your feelings were really hurt.  They should have gotten you a corsage.  You should have all been invited to have pictures taken.  Has your husband spoken with his son since the wedding?  I would suggest letting him know how your feelings were hurt.

Post # 7
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Oh yikes! Yea, your SS is totally in the wrong here. There is no rational reason for them to have jilted you. Mabey mom had something to do with it?

 Either way I do think you should sit down with your ss and his wife in a non confrontational place like a resturant With your Darling Husband,  and tell them calmly how your lack of inclusion made you feel. Use I statements and say something like I was rather hurt that I was not included in any of the wedding activitys and that I did not get a flower.  I thought we were closer than that and itturely saddens me that we are not. 

Then put the ball in their court. 


 So sorry!

Post # 8
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

yes, that sounds very hurtful and they shouldnt have treated you like that at all.

Post # 9
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m so sorry.  I’m making sure my stepmother is included in every single detail because it would break my heart for her to feel left out.   As far as the flowers and stuff go that may very well have been your DH’s wifes doing she probably ordered them and purposely left you out.  Certain details of a wedding men pay no attention to so the detail stuff your stepson probably had no idea.  The bride probably had to choose sides and for her own sanity went along with what was being done.

Now, as far as the pictures, that was totally wrong to me. 


It would break my heart to know I did something to hurt my stepmother.

Post # 13
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I have a *really* good relationship with my Stepmom, but I didn’t invite her to go dress shopping- didn’t even go with my own Mom (bought it the first day I went with Maid/Matron of Honor.)  Honestly, I don’t think it would have entered my mind to invite her, even if she was helping me plan (and in my lifetime, my Dad/Stepmom have been together longer than my parents were.) 

It makes sense that your husband wasn’t invite to the groom’s mom’s house, if it would be uncomfortable. Luckily my parents are amicably divorced, but we’re still not doing too many photos together-they’ll all be in one large my side of the family photo. I assume your husband had photos at the reception with your stepson, so I’m not sure why it’s an issue that he wasn’t at the house? Was the bride there as well, or was it just mom/son photos? 

I would try not to worry too much about the flowers. I can see why you’d feel slighted, but I agree that it probably wasn’t the bride’s doing. I don’t think anyone at the wedding was thinking “Lisa doesn’t have flowers, they must not like her.” Fiance didn’t have a boutenniere at my FSIL’s wedding (wasn’t a groomsman), and it wasn’t done as an offense. Like I said, I have a great relationship with my Stepmom (I love her bunches and think she’s the best thing to ever happen to my Dad), and I wasn’t sure at first if she was supposed to have a corsage (guess it’s a really good thing I have her on the list, huh? I would NEVER want to slight her- and possibly could have). 

I don’t see this as the bride & groom shunning you- I could easily see a divorced parent saying “No, you are not inviting them over here for photos.” “No she’s not supposed to get a corsage”, etc.  I realize your feelings are hurt, but I really don’t think these were intentional by the B&G. Hope the conversation goes ok!

Post # 15
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

First, I want to thank you for writing this e-mail it helps me understand a few things.  You see I’m on the opposite side of the coin.  I’m the bride with Fiance parents who are divorced and both remarried.  My in-laws don’t get along and both Mother-In-Law and SMIL want to be involved but not with each other around.  It was helpful to hear someone else write how this plays out from the other side.  I’m so afraid that because of everyone’s feelings I’m either going to hurt Mother-In-Law or SMIL’s feelings. 

That being said from the bride’s perspective maybe I can clear a few things up.  First, I don’t know your family dynamics but I can speak from experience that I am not trying to hurt my SMIL’s feelings, quite the opposite.  At the same time I’m trying to play a balance between my Mother-In-Law and SMIL, trying to make both happy.  My Mother-In-Law doesn’t want SMIL at any of my showers or at any sort of receiving line.  My compromise is inviting my SMIL to the shower that my mother is throwing for me and not having a receiving line at all.  SMIL has also decided to throw her own shower.  I’m also doing my best to follow my Fiance lead as to how to deal with Mother-In-Law and SMIL since that is his family.  From the bride’s perspective I’m very much caught in the middle trying to please both without hurt feelings and it is a very hard place to be. 

 I’m sorry if I’ve been harsh I just wanted to put some perspective on things and again I thank you for putting some good advice out there, it has given me some things to think about.

Post # 16
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

FWIW, I’m not really thinking about who should get flowers at my wedding besides the actual bridal party.  I think that is a really petty thing to be upset about.  Now, if they didn’t invite you to the wedding at all you have every right to be upset.  As far as the dad being at the house for pictures….I’m not getting the issue here either.  Did SS not take any pics with his dad?  If that was the case, I could understand being upset but if he was included in pictures at some point during the day, what’s the problem?

Weddings really bring out the best and worst in people.  Expectations are seemingly obvious to some and not so much to others (and that’s from the B&G, parents, friends, etc.).  Just be there to support the B&G and let the little stuff roll off your back…it’s just one day after all.  If the B&G treat you like crap the other 364 days of the year then by all means keep your distance.  But I think being upset about what you did or didn’t get at someone else’s wedding is a tad much.  Good luck.

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