Post # 1
This is for bees who had their wedding on a different day than the day they were legally married. Please do NOT use this thread to debate whether or not you agree with brides who do this.
Which do you consider to be the “real” wedding day? Which date do you celebrate as your wedding anniversary? If you want to, please share the length of time between the two.
Post # 2
caritas: tagging in to join the convo. I’m in the same predicament!
FI and I have talked about it, and I believe we are leaning towards the day of our wedding.
Post # 3
caritas: We’ve been together for almost 2 years. Got engaged back in September, got married this pass Saturday (March 15th, City hall) and are having our big wedding November 15th. We will be celebrating both anniversaries but probably won’t go all out for our March 15th anniv.
Post # 5
FI’s parents got legally married AFTER their actual wedding (long story…basically, their rabbi wasn’t licensed to marry them in the state they got married in) and they only celebrate their wedding date as their anniversary.
Post # 6
We will consider our wedding date our anniversary. We are getting legally married in our hometown before eloping to avoid the headache of marrying in another country but our wedding day will be the day of our ceremony.
Post # 7
The reason I asked is because I’ve been married for 2 years and I still can’t decide which date is our anniversary.
We got legally married 2 months before our wedding, which was basically a DW, for logistics reasons. Our legal “ceremony” didn’t include vows or an actual ceremony at all, and it didn’t make us feel married. We planned to celebrate our DW date as our anniversary. However we got pregnant soon after the legal date, and that made us feel married more than anything else did. By the time the DW came around, we felt like we had been married already.
So we haven’t celebrated a wedding anniversary at all, because neither day feels complete. Instead we still celebrate our dating anniversary, which feels more genuine. But I feel like I should know when our wedding anniversary is. It’s kind of weird saying “it’s our fourth anniversary, but we’ve been married for two-ish years.”
Post # 9
caritas: I have the same issue. I am making it official in May of this year and won’t have a ‘real’ ceremony/reception until we are both done with school…. two years from now. But I plan on celebrating the non-legal date as my anniversary but I am confused as to what we do in the mean time.
Post # 10
I’m still trying to figure this out too!
Post # 11
We’re in the same boat! Legally married in January (with just my family in attendance) and our proper wedding is in May. I think we’ll probably do something special to mark the legal wedding, but the May date will be our anniversary.
Post # 12
We had the same issue too! We legally got married in March but had the ceremony/reception in October. We ultimately choose March because there was some drama/bad memories with the wedding in October. The March courthouse ceremony was intimate and just us. And I liked the March date because it had two of my favorite numbers, 3 and 5 lol. My parents were confused when we celebrated our anniversary in March because they considered the October one more ‘official’. But in the end, it’s up to you guys and which date holds more meaning to you, or just celebrate both!
Post # 13
Same boat, but we’re not married yet. Our legal, civil ceremony, which we are spending a HEFTY amount of money on, will be August 1. The Mexican Catholic mass that my parents are throwing, will be September 27.
I think maybe we’ll meet in the middle and call it an August 24 anniversary?
Post # 14
caritas: We celebrate the day we got married in front of our family and friends. We very specifically wanted our officiant to be an old pastor of mine but she couldn’t legally marry us. We got married legally 8 days later when we got back from honeymoon because it was the first date we could get in spite of applying 2-3 months prior. I come from a small town so the officiant in the court only came once a week to do marriages. Yes everyone knew we weren’t getting legally married that day and only did it roughly a week later and to be honest no-one cared. To us we were married the day we said our vows for the first time, the legal ceremony was merely a legal formality.
Post # 15
We celebrate when we were legally married, not when we had the wedding.
Post # 16
caritas: If this situation would happen to us, we both agree we would consider the wedding day our anniversary date, not the day we went to the JOP. So, the ”unofficial” date would be our date for personal celebration, and we would keep the legal date for legal papers.
I do not have a problem with choosing the date you feel is the most meaningful to you. FI and I changed our legal status this past October to common-law … it’s a formality requiring papers to be filled and signed, it’s official for both panels of government, it has an impact in our taxes and all, as we are being taxed just like married couples, yet this formality will never become a meaningful event to us, but our ”dating” anniversary, which is very arbitrary, is an important milestone for us. Ultimately, besides confusing the very few people who will actually remember your anniversary date after a few years, it doesn’t affect anybody else’s life. Just go with what feels right, and the most meaningful, to you both.