Post # 1
I’ll preface and say that this is a little bit a lot of bit of a vent. I have no idea what I am trying to get out of this, if anything, but it is therapeutic to get this all written out and expressed to someone other than my fiance. So here it goes…
Three years ago, my fiance received a scholarship for school. This was way more than tuition at the community college he was attending at the time, and the donors allowed him to keep the “leftovers”, which amounted to $4,400. His dad and stepmom were struggling at the time and approached him about lending them the money for a “little while”. They promised that come the next year, they would be able to pay him back using their tax refund…I think you all know what happened next. Yep, you guessed it…they didn’t pay him back.
My fiance was not hurting for the money, so he didn’t pressure them about it, but still maintained the agreement that they would eventually pay him back…eventually. Well, “eventually” still has not come yet and it looks like it never will. Family is family and I know that money should not be fought over, but I guess the things that bother me the most are the following:
- Dad and stepmom were in the middle of a foreclosure at the time they asked for help. They have since purchased a home, so it just leads me to believe that they are better off now. I realize that this indeed may *not* be the case, but it still leaves me wondering.
- My fiance and his dad came to an agreement that he would pay our cell phone bill until our wedding day and the debt would be erased. We thought everything was fine because Future Father-In-Law paid three months in a row…until, out of nowhere, he stopped. Didn’t give an explanation or anything.
- When fiance approached his dad about the missed payment, his dad shrugged it off and stated that he didn’t have the money to pay for it and will continue to not have the money to pay for it. My fiance and I were as understanding as we could be in the situation (especially since it’s family and because we are able to take care of the bill on our own) until…
- Shortly after telling us that he and his wife couldn’t take on anymore bills, he accidentally slipped that his wife bought him THREE new suits. I know that it isn’t our business what they spend their money on, but that just didn’t add up.
I already know that lending money to friends and family is not a good idea, and this is a perfect example of why not. I sometimes feel guilty thinking these thoughts, but I guess it is just frustrating because $4,400 could really help us with our wedding. *sigh*
Any similar stories? I know we’re not the only one…
Post # 3
I don’t lend money to anyone anymore because of bad experiences. I once lent money to a co-worker because she needed to buy her sick kid’s medicine and didn’t have enough money until payday. I wasn’t making a lot at the time so the $50 I lent her was significant. She promised she’d pay me back on payday. Payday rolls around and she makes some excuse for not paying me, but next payday for sure. Next payday rolls around, yet another excuse. Payday after that and my car breaks down big time and needs $like $2000 in repairs leaving me almost $50 short on my rent and had to go into my overdraft because of it. If she had paid me back when she said she would have, I would have had an extra $50 in my savings account (at the time, any money left the night before payday went directly into a savings account, and I tried as much as possible to live on less than my paycheque each month and only use my savings account for ’emergencies’ like car repairs and what not, and when the savings account got big enough that I had 6 months pay set aside, anything over 6 months pay would be used to go on a trip).
When I first moved out on my own, my parents lent me some money to get things like dishes, pots, pans, a new bed (they wanted to keep my bed for guests), etc etc. I was giving them a little bit each payday to pay them back. When I lost my job, I wasn’t able to pay them back for about 2 months until I found a new job (I was relying on my savings at the time, and they told me that I didn’t have to pay them while I was unemployed). Then when I found a new job they just told me not to worry about it, they decided that the rest of what hadn’t been paid back would be a gift (even though they bought me a few gifts, including a microwave, and they gave me their old tv when I moved). Every so often when I do something frivolous with my money my mom will bring up the money they lent me, but I remind her she told me it was a gift and she lets it drop. (My mom sometimes forgets what she’s told me btw until you remind her, then she remembers).
Post # 4
I am so sorry! I think you can just call this a loss and a lesson learned (to never lend money again!). Suze Orman had a show on this.
My dad asked for money from my sister once, my very giving helpful sister.
He came to her very scared, very secretive and said he was in a lot of trouble and needed money fast. She asked how much. He said as much as you can give me. So she took out of her own retirement account and gave it to him. I think like $20k.
When she asked him about it a few months later, he said, “I thought we took care of that.” She just blocked it out of her memory and called it a loss.
I have no idea what kind of trouble my dad was in. I could guess though. But now my sister is a single mom at 35 with two kids and has a couple thousand in her retirement now. Very very sad. Dad died a few months ago at the age of 58.
Post # 5
I would want my money back, that’s a lot just to say, oh well, just keep it. Fi’s dad has been thrugh this with so many people, it turned him into a scrooge. Biggest loan he made was to his dauhter’s husband: $20,000 so he could et started on building a house in Nicaragua. Well, fmil went to Nicaragua and saw the “house”. It’s a few bricks about 4 inches high. That is it… no one knows where the $20,000 went and although he says (well fsil says) they’ll pay him back, they never will. They can barely make ends meet (well thanksfully fsil finally got a job), but it just sucks for ffil.
I don’t like to borrow money from people but when I do, I make sure to pay it back or remind people that I will. Fmil has loaned me money and when I talk about paying her back, she tells me not to.
I don’t loan people money I can’t afford to lose. I loaned money to a friend and she paid it all back, minus $20. Not bad so she can have that $20 not a big deal. My sister loaned a ton of money out to family too, even me. I paid her back a few years later in full with my tax returns. The only person that never paid her back was my brother. Not sur ehow much he owes her but it is more than $1500 and she has just learned to let it go. I just don’t understand people. If you can’t pay it back, at leats let the person know you still have every intention to do so. But to just never mention in the hopes that you will forget is so wrong.