Post # 1
My fiancée and I are engaged as of July 30, 2010. As I am attempting to plan our wedding the one thing that is stuck in my head is that the wedding should be about a year (give or take a month) after the engagement. So I have been really pressing for a Fall 2011 date.
However, we are paying for this wedding ourselves without assistance from outside sources. I am at a crossroads of what we should do…should we sacrifice some of our vision in order to be able to have our wedding in 2011? or should we give ourselves more time to save? (this would mean a longer engagement).
Is there etiquette / protocol for how long one should be engaged prior to an actual marriage? I would love to hear what other brides to be have to say
Post # 3
where in the world do you get the idea that engagements should be a year? i think the average engagement is somewhere between 9-12 months. however, that’s the average, so there are definitely a lot of outliers! plenty of bees have 2 year plus engagements, and most people i know have at least 1.5 years. it’s whatever you want!
Post # 4
There’s no rule saying it has to be a year. FI and I got engaged April 10 2010, but we’re not getting married till Sept 2012. We’re having a 2.5 year engagement to save some money and we’re also not rushed to do everything.
Post # 5
Our engagement was over a year and a half. I wanted a shorter engagement, but like you, we wanted to save money. I’m really glad we went that route. We had plenty of money saved by our wedding day, and it was much less stressful knowing we weren’t going to be strapped for cash. We both got sick of the longer engagement, but the benefits outweighed the costs for us.
Post # 6
I’m not aware of any “appropriate” engagement length or anything like that. I think the length of engagement is dependent on many factors, like finances, age, careers, health, family, etc. Honey, if it works for you and your FI to wait and have the wedding a little later when you’ve saved up more money, then wait! 🙂
Post # 7
@Emerald2011: I kind of regret having a year long engagement. I got engaged 8/29 and married 8/21. It still wasn’t enough time to save. And I was soooo tried of planning the wedding by then. ALTHOUGH it could’ve been fine financially if we had cut back on a lot of things we didn’t need. Would you be ok with a smaller guest list? I think that is the biggest question you need answered.
Post # 8
Our engagement will be 2.25 years by the time we’re married. Like you we are paying for the wedding ourselves and so the extra time was neccessary to pay for it. I won’t say its been easy but I am SO excited about the things we have planned for the wedding and it makes waiting that much easier. =)
For reference we got engaged Feb. 14, 2009 and will be married June 10, 2011.
Post # 9
I got engaged sept2009 and we arent getting married until oct2011. I hate how long our engagement is but we had to save money. We have a lot of big things going on right now (like we just bought a house which was more important to us) so we want to take time to enjoy everything that is happen rather than rush it all. in the end we both love eachother and will be married soon enought. Whats the difference of when it happens?
Post # 10
Our engagement is slightly over a year. A couple things went into deciding the date, 1. was weather, we don’t have nice summers here, and my mom can’t get that time off. And I’m paying for most of it. So I had to decide how much I could set aside each month. I figured in 12 months I could set aside a decent amount.
So in a word, it just depends what you and your FI want.
Post # 11
I’m not sure about any kind of etiquette regarding this, however I strongly believe that you should have the length of engagement you want. Would you rather sacrifice certain aspects of your wedding to have the event in a year? Or would you rather wait a while longer so you can have everything you wanted?
My FI and I got engaged March 2010 and have been planning an August 2012 wedding. We both know that we will be paying for the whole thing ourselves and want to make sure that we will have the means to have the wedding we want. Sometimes it’s reeeeally difficult not to say, “Ok, I’m tired of this. It’s taking too long!” I just remind myself that our wedding is going to awesome. 🙂 Oh, and my FI sets me straight every time I say, “Ok, lets elope. I want to be married already!” because he knows that I’d regret not having the shebang we both want.
Whether you wait longer or stick to your original date, do it because you want to, not because you have heard that “it’s just the way it is.” 🙂
Post # 12
A) you got engaged on my birthday.. that’s awesome!
B) our engagement is 27 months.. we just know this is how long it’s going to take for us to save up for the wedding we want to have. Sometimes we can comments about it but whatever, they aren’t the ones paying for the wedding, we are so …. we have to do what’s right us
Post # 13
7 months…. we got engaged in july and are planning a february wedding. My brother is in the Marine Corps and is going to afghanistan in late february so for me it was either jump the gun and get married or wait an additional 14 months till he got back. There was no way we were waiting that long to get married and it was really important to me to have my younger brother there with us. so once we finally decided on a date it gave me about 5 months to plan…im about 3 1/2 months away. its been fun but im nowhere close to finished..if you want your dream wedding i would push it out…unless you are like me..im excited about my wedding, but im more excited about being married so its ok if everything isnt exactly how i planned it to be on the big day
Post # 14
I think a year is about average but it can be as long or short as you want.
Post # 15
Thank you everyone for your comments! It has been so useful to me.
Post # 16
There’s nothing wrong with a longer engagement–FH and I were planning on an almost three-year engagement for a long time! However, ours will be almost two years by the time we get married this December. There’s no hard and fast rule–do what works for you.