- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2010
So the big day is less than 2 weeks away. I’m so excited, but most of my excitment comes from knowing once it’s here, it’s done and I don’t have to stress about it anymore. When I started planning this I had NO idea what I was doing. I didn’t know there were so many rules to weddings. I didn’t know where we were going to have it. I didn’t have a vision of what I wanted. I didn’t realize our 30 people guest list would turn into 70, and our 1500$ budget would more than double. I didn’t think my dad would bail on me a month before the wedding and we would have to ask my fiances family to pay for everything. I’m 19, a mother to a beautiful baby girl and I’ve only been to two weddings in my life.
But since I’ve been a member of the bee and I’ve done a lot of research on weddings I realize what we’re doing isn’t exactly my dream wedding. And of course, being young and having a baby means we won’t get the 30k wedding. (Which, even if we could… I’d rather be more practical and spend such a large amount of money elsewhere) We started planning this 4/5 months ago. I didn’t realize 1-2 years would be a more realistic goal.
I chose June, but I wish I had chose an Autumn wedding since it’s my favorite time of year. I chose a 160$ dress that I wasn’t head over heels for because I felt pressured to go ahead and get one. I let people walk all over me and invite who ever they wanted to, allowing our guest list to get out of hand. I went for a more modern feel, but I wish we had done something more vintage, to reflect mine and my fiance’s taste a bit better. I chose an outdoor wedding in the evening, and I wish I had chose an indoor wedding during the day.
I’ve stressed about weather, food, money, family, flowers. I’ve lost tons of sleep, my face has about 5 zits on it right now and we’ve emptied our hard earned savings account out in a matter of a few months. We John (my fiance) came home a few days ago and told me we had 95$ left in savings my heart sunk and I physically felt sick.
We’ve had to reach out and ask for money, which I truly hate doing. If I could do things differently, we would have waited longer, saved more money and paid for everything ourselves and stayed within our budget. We wouldn’t of asked anyone for a penny, espically my not so reliable father who crapped out on his end of the agreement a month before the big day. I would have spent more time creating a vision of something I would really like to look back on and think “Wow, we had such a beautiful wedding”. I would have done things MY way and not listened to everyone else. I wouldn’t have let people walk all over me and demand me to do this and that. I would have spent less time worrying about all the stupid wedding rules and did what felt right to us and made us happy. I would have braced myself for doing this on my own, with pretty much no help.
The wedding bee has been great. My mother hasn’t helped at all. It upsets me because I wanted it to be like the movies, like how it’s suppose to be. I wanted her to take my dress shopping and tell me what dresses she likes and didn’t like. I wanted her to do the invitations, and help pick out centerpieces and tell me what flowers she likes. I wanted her to give me ideas, go to the cake tasting with me, help me do the registry. I wanted her to help me make the favors, offer her time and support when I felt overwhelmed and exhausted. Planning a wedding is a huge responsibilty. Espically for someone who hasn’t a clue on what their doing, has a baby to take care of and is doing it alone.
I have sat in my room tieing ribbon to bubbles, putting labels on cds, browsing the internet for hours and crying because I wish someone cared as much as I do about the big day.
And it’s not that my mom isn’t excited about me getting married. She loves John and is happy we’re getting married. She thinks we are right for each other. She’s just not the type of person who cares about things like this. For her wedding he borrowed a white prom dress, got married at her church and had a punch and cake reception.
My fiances mother has been great. We talk almost daily and she is the only one who has offered any positive help and advice (other than you girls!) She has dished out a lot of money since my dad bailed on me. She gives me advice and listens to me gush about things I’m excited or and vent about things I’m stressed about. She has no idea my mom doesn’t help or doesn’t care about this stuff. She always says “Ask your mom what she thinks of this…” I stopped asking my mom because she just says “It’s up to you”.
Anyway, I am blessed because as the day gets closer I stop worrying about the details of the wedding and I think about what June 12th, 2010 is really about. It’s not about perfectly tied ribbon on the bubbles, or the black and white gourmet cupcakes. It’s not about centerpieces, first dances, family drama, classy vs. trashy. It’s about marrying the man that I love and finalizing our family as one. It’s about June 13th, 14th, 15th and the rest of our lives. It’s not about people thinking our wedding was beautiful or cheesy or wonderful or cheap. It’s not about how much money we spent or didn’t spend. It’s about standing before God and claiming to the world that we love each other enough to commit ourselves to one another for the rest of our lives. It’s about forming an ever lasting relationship, and showing our daughter what a healthy, happy marriage is suppose to be. Not only are we making this commitment because we’re deeply in love and can’t possibly imagine a future without each other, we’re doing it because we don’t want our daughter to grow up in with a broken family like we did.
So, even though this post started out about how I wish I did things differently, it’s too late for that and I just have to remind myself what this day is really about. And for those of you who post asking questions about all the “rules” to weddings… just remember what it is really about and do what makes YOU happy and stop worrying so much about everyone else.