- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
It’s not often that I post my own threads, but today I felt the need to, as I’m feeling incredibly low and can use some emotional support.
Right now I should be an excited bride. My wedding is less than 2 weeks away and there isn’t much left to do since I’ve been quite early and organized with most of my planning. I should feel happy, excited, relieved even that this day we have put so much effort into is quickly nearing. In actuality though I’m not. I’m sad and confused and have been on an emotional roller coaster for the past few weeks. This is why (I’ll try not to make this long and drawn out):
My grandfather was complaining of breathing problems a couple weeks ago and finally agreed to go to the hospital when he was having too much difficulty to bare. It was there that he no longer could breathe, and they suddenly induced him into a coma and put him on a ventilator because he had pneumonia which had caused the breathing problems which also caused him to have a heart attack. Not knowing at of this, I awoke March 14th morning from a text from my mom to call my dad. It was then he shared the horrific news, and that my mom was on a plane to Newfoundland to be with her dad (we live in Ontario). Fast forward to today. He is still alive, hanging on somehow. The doctors have tried everything (no resussitation is allowed though – a term set by my pop prior to this event). He was making small steps of progress initially, just to take even more steps back the following days. We were all prepared to lose him. My mom and surrounding family in Nfld made the call to take him off the ventilator yesterday, expecting that he would soon pass away because his inability to breathe on his own. Today he is somehow breathing on his own (shallowly), but the outcome is not is our favor. I dropped my dad off at the airport last night so he could be there with my mom. I am just feeling overwhelmed with sadness, because not only am I preparing to lose my pop, but my parents aren’t in the same province until at least the weekend (a week before my wedding), and I’m so upset that I won’t be able to make his funeral. I know my parents are where they need to be right now, but I can’t help feeling afraid. Afraid of him dying any day, and each day it feels more emotionally tormenting, because I refuse to get my hopes up any more (that happened intitally and I was devastated when his health declined further). I just want everything to be alright, for him to recover and for my parents to come home – but knowing that will probably not happen hurts. He was not supposed to come to my wedding, however his wife (my step grandmother) and my mom’s brother and wife were supposed to come who now can’t. And on top of that my other grandmother had to cancel last minute because her husband’s son is in hospice in BC and expected to pass soon as well. I know it could always be worse, but I feel like I’m drowning in sorrow when it should be the happiest time in my life.
Not to continue complaining, but on top of this all my fiance and I are no longer speaking to his sister and she is also no longer coming to the wedding because the night of my bachelorette (2 days after finding out about my pop), she tried to sabotage my bachelorette and we had to ask her to leave. She had a drunken tantrum at the venue when we arrived screaming at my MOH for choosing a terrible place and we basically had to pay her whatever we had to leave. It was horrible. The second last straw was when she said it was “too bad I didn’t choke on my dinner” in a text the next morning (sober I presume), and the last straw came when my fiance messaged her a few days later to ask (calmly) what had happened, in which she basically replied that she had no remorse, it was mine and my friends fault for the issues and that she would “rather save her money and spend it on herself than rude people” (refering to us and the wedding). We were emotionally devastated about her insensitive selfish behaviour but have since accepted it and severed ties.
So anyway, I’m dealing with a lot on my plate emotionally. Every minute I’m looking at my phone waiting to get that call about my pop, I’m now staying at my parents house to look after my much younger sisters when I’m trying to tie up loose ends at home too, I have my dad’s family from Newfoundland flying in Wednesday, and I live with the fear that my fiance’s sister will try to sabotage the wedding – I have had nightmares of her showing up and re-enacting her displayed craziness at the bachelorette. She has a problem when she drinks – it makes her very irate and angry, and as a result people fear her and her unpredictable behaviour. And it may sound silly, but I fear she will be drinking and hurt that day and will try to show up unannounced. She only has one friend (my fiance’s ex sister in law) whom will be at our wedding (her daughters are our flower girls), so I am afraid she will be bored and bothered and will react. My fiance is very supportive, and his family supports us too – they are in our corner and not his sister’s. It’s just too much all at once. Thanks for reading.