(Closed) less than 8 months until my wedding and my mother dies

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am so, so very sorry.  You are going to do this with her – in your heart.  And you’re going to do it because she wanted it, more than you do.  Remember her love and remember her excitement, and make it everything she knew that it could be.

Post # 4
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I am so so so beyond sorry you are going through this. I feel like a girl is never old enought to lose her mom… especially when you least expect it. 

If I were you I would take a little break from wedding planning. Focus on your mental health and let people grieve. Then maybe after a while your dad will feel more up to the challenge of helping you. 

Again I am SO so sorry. BIG HUGS! 

I know there is nothing anyone can say to make this easier or help you feel any better, but my thoughts are with you. 

Post # 5
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m so incredibly sorry about the loss of your mom.  How special to have been able to plan so many of the details of the wedding with her though – those are memories you’ll always have.  I’m sure she’ll be with you in spirit in September, celebrating 🙂

Post # 6
Member
19 posts
Newbee

I’m so so sorry to hear what has happened to you and your family, I can’t even begin to imagine how you must be feeling, my mum is my whole world and the idea of not having her around one day terrifies me.

Your mum sounds like a wonderful lady and I agree, she would want you to go ahead with your wedding as you had been planning with her and honour her memory that way – knowing she helped you plan it means she can still be a special part of your day. 

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family

Post # 7
Member
19 posts
Newbee

I’m so so sorry to hear what has happened to you and your family, I can’t even begin to imagine how you must be feeling, my mum is my whole world and the idea of not having her around one day terrifies me.

Your mum sounds like a wonderful lady and I agree, she would want you to go ahead with your wedding as you had been planning with her and honour her memory that way – knowing she helped you plan it means she can still be a special part of your day. 

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family

Post # 8
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@seac222:  HUGS sweetie, first and foremost, HUGS.

I lost my mother suddenly a few years ago and it was the singular most devasting moment of my life. I know how you feel..but it will get easier. If your mom would want you to continue with planning, and it helps you right now, go for it. There is no right or wrong to going through your unique loss. As far as budget, for now, just use common sense and good judgement. As long as you don’t get crazy with your spending, it will be ok. Your wounds are still raw and open; allow them time to scab over. I know you are grasping at whatever you can to get by. You WILL get through this. It will suck at times, but you will get through this. You will always miss her; you will always love always I will always hurt but eventually, the pain won’t be so sharp. If you need to talk..feel free to PM me. And for good measure…more HUGSSSSSSSS.

Post # 9
Member
7736 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@seac222:  I’m so sorry.  The wedding plans will work out.  Your mom will be there in spirit.  Sending hugs and prayers to you.  

Post # 10
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m also planning my wedding without my mom and I know how hard it is. It’s definitely one of the hardest things I’ve ever done… especially because I know absolutely nothing about wedding planning…

I don’t think there a right or wrong thing for you to do in this situation. If you feel that your mom would want you to keep planning and it makes you feel better than GO FOR IT! But this may offend some family members? Idk your family.. just a thought you may want to “prepare” for.. just in case.

As far as the issue with your dad and the budget, maybe ask him to lunch or something and try to talk to him about there. Tell him that your mom was handling everything (if he doesn’t know already) and that you really need some guidance from him as far as the money etc.

Hope this helps!

*lots and lots of hugs*

Post # 11
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee

I’m so so sorry to hear about your mother. That is truly heartbreaking, especially so close to your wedding.

My mom’s uncle passed away two days before his daughter’s wedding. Obviously everyone was heartbroken and they weren’t sure if they should go ahead with the wedding. They decided to do it. It was what he would have wanted and in the end, it’s the celebration of a new family being created, and that’s always a great thing!

Please don’t feel guilty about going ahead with your wedding. It definitely sounds like something your mom would have wanted and you can honor her in your big day knowing that she had such a significant part of it. She will be there in spirit!

Post # 12
Member
2719 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am so sorry that you’re going through this!

Give yourself and your dad a little time to greive, and then talk to him about a budget. Until then, you can always look around for ideas for what you want and ideas to keeping on a budget. There are plenty of DIY ideas (as well as ideas in general) here on the bee.

Make sure you lean on your FI for support through this and making ideas for the wedding. After all, from the wedding day on it’s about FI and you as a family.

Post # 13
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

Bless your heart. So sorry you are going through this. But I do think going forward is the right thing to do.

I would continue to plan financially as your mother did. You didn’t mention your FMIL. You could ask her to step up, or an Aunt? You need a sounding board, and your dad is clearly not yet up to it. Maybe with a little time he will be.

Post # 14
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I am so so so sorry to hear that. Your mother sounded like she wanted you to have the wedding of your dreams. <3 

The good thing is that you have some time. Your dad sounds like he needs time. Maybe put off planning for a month? (if possible) and then approach him.

 

Tell him how much you know your mother would have liked it this way. That she will STILL be there in spirit. But also consider that he probably just took a big financial hit- funeral costs are very expensive. I dont know his financial situation but that could be why he is vague on the numbers. He may also have no clue how much things cost. 

Sending lots of well wishes to you and your family!

 

 

 

Post # 15
Member
6209 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I am so, so sorry that you’re having to go through this, but I think that you’re doing the right thing by continuing to plan the wedding that you and your mom were planning together. You should contact all your vendors to talk numbers with them and find out exactly what the prices were that they discussed with your mother. Then, in a month or two when you have everything settled, maybe you can sit down with your dad and discuss it

Post # 16
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad this past year, but even though I loved him so much, I can’t even fathom what the loss would feel like if it was my  mom.

 

I do have this notion that when you know someone that well, and love them so much, you have a way of guessing what they’d say or do.  So whenever you feel like you need your mom’s advice, just close your eyes for a minute and imagine what she’d say. I’m sure that she’ll be there with you and you’ll hear her.

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