less than ideal proposal

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

You haven’t done anything wrong, just a series of unfortunate events lead to things not being as you hoped.  Did the jeweller tell you it was a solitaire or did you only find out when you received it?

Post # 4
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@andymc128:  I’m not really sure what to tell you other than I feel for you and what you’re going through.  Lots of women have had less than idel proposals, heck those are the ones that you usually end up laughing at years later.  I mean if doing it over again to make it real and everything she imagines is important than more power to you and I hope it goes well.  Perhaps it’s because you’re tired and stressed, but the tone of your post makes me wonder if she is more into the ring and the elaborate romance of the proposal then actually being with you.  I mean it sounds like you have been through hell and back trying to make it perfect and in my mind that counts for a lot.  Wish you the best in whatever you decide to do…

Post # 5
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Christmas Tree Farm

I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way. The fact that your proposal wasn’t good enough for her makes me nervous for you. You shouldn’t have to call both sets of parents and tell them to forget that you’re engaged for now because she is making you re-do your proposal. A proposal shouldn’t have to be over-the-top. If she wants to wait until her real ring is done, I can understand that, but I can’t understand her trying to make you feel like you did something wrong.

Anecdote: My husband had this big proposal planned. Instead, when he picked up my ring he realized he didn’t want to wait so he drove to my house, flopped down on my bed, asked me about my day, pulled out the ring box, and asked me to marry him. I’ve never asked about what plans he had because they don’t matter. What mattered was that he couldn’t wait to get that ring on my finger so we could tell everyone that we were getting married. It was perfect.

Post # 6
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My FI proposed after we had spend an afternoon watching christmas movies, in our messy living room, whilst I was wearing shorts and a vest that I sleep in, and I couldn’t have been happier! Afterwards he told me he had tried to find several times that weekend to ask me in more glamorous settings but the chance just hadn’t arisen, so he did it when he felt comfortable, and honestly it was perfect.

If she doesn’t get over it, I think she is putting too much emphasis on the proposal itself, and not what it meant to get engaged to YOU. A lot of women put emphasis on the proposal due to movies etc. but honestly she should get over it, and if she doesn’t you need to have a long talk about why.

Post # 7
Member
802 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Oh this post makes me sad for the both of you. This should be a happy time. I think the whole re-do part is unnecessary as you either agree to marry or you don’t. Yes it wasn’t perfect but generally the more we stress about something the more that things go wrong and that’s life.

 

my FI didn’t even have a ring when he proposed and just did at the beach after dinner on holiday. I would never demand that he do it again and I think the most important part is so,done wanting to marry me. Maybe both sleep on it and discuss how you both feel in the morning. I think it was quite petty of her to get parents involved and say you need to re-do it. She sounds high maintenance! 

Post # 8
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@andymc128:  I think you should be leery of marrying a woman who feels that you and the world owe her “ideal.” If your asking her to marry you wasn’t special enough, I’m not really sure what would be.

This idea that every proposal must now be some unique, over the top event with a sky-writer. Photographer, flash-mob and a few dancing bears (and it HAS to be a surprise but make sure she looks her best for photo ops and don’t forget to ask her parents blessing first!) is absurd.

There was nothing wrong with your proposal and if you think the original felt forced, just wait until you attempt the do-over!

Post # 9
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@andymc128:  Bugger! It really sounds like you put in a lot of thought and effort in and I hope that when you talk about it with your fiancee again, she will be over the initial surprise about it all and see that side of it. It actually sounds to me like one day it is going to be a great story – perfect wedding speech material! But if you think it will make you both happier then I’m sure you will be able to pull off a second, smoother proposal when you get the final ring. Not having the final ring now is actually great, as it gives you a natural opportunity to make another memory. That said, I don’t think you should forget the first, or worry about it – I think you did great. Congratulations!!

Post # 10
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Awe! I feel that you are bummed but agree you don’t need a do over. In the long run you two will look back and laugh about the craziness of it all! Seriously this post and your nervousness makes this story so cute! 🙂 keep your chin up.

Remeber marriage is a lifetime and not just this one moment. Focus on that. Best of luck!

Post # 11
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Im so sorry for the way all this panned out! You sound like a very sincere guy and your girl….sounds like her priorities are out of wack. You proposed, why should there be a do over? You did it with love and you were serious. The fact that she wants to pretend that didnt count is really sad. I hope she snaps out of it! 

Post # 12
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

You can always ask her again when the ring is ready, there are no real rules to proposing – ask her again, it will be romantic. Let’s face it, proposals are about BOTH of you and if you weren’t happy with it you can 100% do it again. 

Remember that from her side of things she will love that you were so excited and nervous to propose that you did it with the stone and privately. 

Post # 13
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think it’s ridiculous that she wants you to call both of your parents and tell them that you’re not engaged and you’re going to re-propose! The fact that you love her and asked her to marry you should be special enough, she shouldn’t need some over-the-top crazy proposal. Good luck with this one!

Post # 14
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@andymc128:  none of this is your fault – you really tried. Instead of appreciating your effort and laughing it off, your girlfriend is being a brat. I’d be leery of marrying her. 

Post # 15
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Good lord … you tried your best and things happened that were out of your control.  She sounds very ungrateful about everything.

Do you seriously want to marry someone who can’t happily accept an engagement in whatever form it takes? 

I do not understand why women cannot be happy with the simple fact that the man they love wants to marry them and has asked them to do so. 

I hope you’re ready for a life of over the top celebrations for every little thing, OP, because that is how things are going to be for you.  And, if you don’t get those celebrations right, you’ll need to do it over.  I see a big-ass vow renewal in your future because she will find fault with your wedding, photos, or something. 

 

Post # 16
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

And here is what kills me … you told her you weren’t going to be able to propose and she was disappointed.  Then, you DO propose and it’s still not good enough for this woman.  Seriously?  She should just be thrilled that you were able to pull any of it off!!!  She sounds highly ungrateful!

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